Blog Posts by SoCalResident

  • Love Thy Frenemy

    Shhhhh!!!!Shhhhhh! Secrets behind the mask.
    If honesty and openness upset you, click the "back" button on your screen now. What you're about to read is pure, 100% unadulterated truth about dating.

    Disclaimer: I've promised myself I wouldn't post on here anymore because of all the negative energy that is channeled through this site, but this one is for kicks. I've grown a thick skin for trolls and unhelpful comments. And yes, I fight tenaciously to protect my fellow Shine friends when they're on their personal journey and use this platform to share their joys, success or disappointments. It's called "empathy." More people should look at ways to practice it.

    I recently read an article that talked about the opposite of "nice guys" that many men claim to be. To be short, some men use what they call "being nice" to win points with women who aren't sexually attracted to them. When their method of brown-nosing and doing grunt-like favors don't work, they lament in anguish with counter-offensive attacks on women by

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  • It's that Time of Year Again... `Tis the Season to String Us Along

    "I'm making a list, chatting with women twice, gonna find out if I'll be naughty or they'll be nice."
    The cold snap burns.
    It's not a mystery to me. If a guy's in a relationship or worse, married (or even worse, with children) and has private conversations with women, it's nothing but having an emotional affair. During the holidays, "keeping in touch" is a great excuse, but I know better.

    I'm no stranger to guys calling or messaging me during the holidays looking for a reminiscent reminder.

    It was only a year ago that I wrote a blog about three different men who contacted me within days of each other, all around this time of year. I thought it was slightly comical, but it also made me curious about why this happens.

    Why do guys feel compelled to contact you during the holidays, especially if they're in a relationship?

    Well, it's that time of year again, and let the stringing-along commence. By the way, I thought women were more desperate? Could it be that men in unhappy relationships are as

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  • A Griswold Christmas as a Single Parent

    Clark Griswald himself, Chevy Chase.Greetings from reality, lovers and sexual beings of Shine. It's been a while since I last chimed in, but I'm feeling sort of frisky from all the holiday buzz (or is it the Chardonnay?).

    The Loneliest Time of Year

    With the holidays creeping up around the bend, I am again finding myself walking down memory lane. This time, it's all good.
    I watched Christmas Vacation, starring the family man, Clark Griswold (played by Chevy Chase), for the umpteenth time recently.

    I thought to myself: I want to meet a guy like Clark. He's sentimental, funny, caring, a fighter, a gentleman and would move mountains to see his family happy.

    Then it occurred to me...

    I am Clark Griswold.

    Albeit, the female, single parent version, of course. Let me give you a quick synopsis of past events to which you may better understand my conclusion.

    Back in December of 2009, I had just finished writing the poetry and creating illustrations for my first children's book entitled, "The Story of Daddy

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  • The Dating Debacle: Are Men and Women Secretly at War?


    Make love not war. Really.What are we fighting for?

    So are we better off single or is the alter everyone's final destination? And why? Some of the comments I've been reading lately on Shine have me concerned: are men and women fighting some sort of secret anti-relationship war?

    Here's an example. Look at the comments under Rori Raye's tips for finding marriage-worthy material.

    Date Three Men At Once

    First of all, I've had another stint of being on a "man diet," but called it quits early in 2012. In over a year's time, I've only had one date that didn't go any farther than there.

    I should have known that a guy who's 40 and never married or had kids is not a good match for me. Major red flags when a guy starts revealing TMI in text after just one date. Especially if it's about his shortcomings (or non-comings) in previous relationships.

    Needless to say, I don't know how women can even convince men to ask them out. Is there a special talent one has to have? Is it only for women who haven't been divorced or

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  • The Reason Behind "Operation Love Connection" Fail

    Have you done your research on finding a love connection and learned that you find love "when you're not looking for it?" Are you still single, yet with your common sense realize that you're sane, loving and totally capable of handling a loving relationship? Good. Then you're not alone. Welcome to my world.
    Looking for love in all the wrong places.
    Have you been doing all the right steps in your "me work" and reflected on your own mistakes that led to breakups? How about following your passions, and yet, there you are, still single?
    Yup. We are soul twins.
    I even wrote a blog about how if you're sane, normal, can handle being social and open to love, you shouldn't be single.

    Read the blog here.

    Well, last night was an epiphany for me. As I was sharing my deep, profound and invaluable insight about love and relationships (okay, so I was venting about being single and lonely) with my teenage girls, my younger daughter who is going through a breakup for the first time asked me to stop talking about relationships.

    At first I

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  • My Reason, Eh, Excuse, for Being Single Is.

    Party girlI've been single for almost four years now (legally, about two and a half). Ironically, my most vibrant days of being single came just a couple months into my separation.
    No, I'm not easy, just curious after having almost no experience with other men after a long, long term relationship.
    Since that time, I've made tremendous leaps in the growth department. Namely, I realized that "having fun in the moment" was killing my chances at making a deep connection with someone. And I really, really crave that at this point.
    I've spoken with and read from many people like me going through the motions of singledom and there's any number of reasons why we're still single. Some of us choose this over "putting up with someone," while others are just "unlucky in love." All in all, the reasons are mostly excuses.
    We naturally seek love and caring in a romantic partner.
    As a tribute to my single brothers and sisters, here's a list of most popular reasons (ahem, *cough* excuses *cough*)

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  • How Blogging Almost Killed My Love Life

    My life the open book.

    So here I am, all winded out. I didn't plan for this, just as I didn't plan the drama-filled adventures that have enveloped my almost four years of singledom since my divorce started. I have no regrets, since I enjoyed (most) of what my journey entailed. With the exception of a lover with ED, I'd say I loved every minute as a single woman blogging about her escapades.

    Until Things Got Real.



    Relationship helpI didn't know any better, or at least that's my best defense. I was grieving from a divorce in which I had the trifecta of disappointments: I was left for another woman (betrayal), I lost my first love and my best friend at the same time.
    Who in their right mind wouldn't try to vent their frustrations in some way shape or form?
    Well, I'm only human, full of emotions and hurt just like anyone else, regardless of my "tough single mom" facade.

    If you cut me, I bleed.

    There's one person I care about the most, regardless of the pain I've encountered in my strange

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  • What Marilyn Monroe Taught Us About Being a Goddess

    What a goddess looks like. Note the white tulle.

    As we enter the beginning of June, it's another reminder that one of our all-time icons, Marilyn Monroe, was born to this earth.
    And left a goddess.
    From today's perspective, she still illuminates the screen and looks every bit the photogenic starlet that she was. But what is the ultimate lesson she taught us, namely, women struggling in relationships?
    I've read about Marilyn's struggles throughout my life. Naturally, her beauty intrigued me (as the artist I am), but her troubled childhood, young adult life and failed marriages were continually food for my curiosity.
    Surely, she did not grace this planet with her short 36 years for nothing?
    I remember reading an article about her journal entries that faced her problems relating to men, namely, her husband at the time, Arthur Miller. She only wanted to be adored (as she was by millions of fans--even today), yet her husband would end up alienating her.
    What did she leave us with?
    Her legacy, her wisdom, her heart-felt

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  • Shine Supper Club: Spicy, Sexy Kung Pao Chicken Recipe


    Kung Pao Chicken-- as delicious as it looks!What is sexy food? Do you strip down to eat it or is that the result afterward?

    With Shine Supper Club's latest challenge for submitting a "sexiest food recipe," I had to contribute, since I'm Shine's unofficial dating and relationship expert blogger (who happens to be a pretty good cook, too).

    I thought about what kind of food would trigger the lascivious thoughts or turn up the heat and came up with my recipe for creating Kung Pao Chicken. I have yet to meet a taste-tester that didn't LOVE it and there's never any leftovers when I make this dish.

    First, it's already in bite size pieces, so there's no need to take your eyes off of each other while cutting food. Just poke a fork into it and feed each other!

    Then there's the rich, spicy factor and the burst of flavor that is sure to give you a mouth-gasm (in case you're single and still want to savor the moment).

    To add to the experience, this dish is best served with a dark, smoky red wine to enhance the robust quality. And you

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  • Who Else Here is Sick of Shine's Stupid Articles? Raise Your Hand

    I can't take it any more.

    I can't take it anymore. I used to love visiting Yahoo Shine.... I miss our "family" of commenters, fans, fun times we had when things were simple and anonymous.

    Okay, so I've also started working part-time and have quit the dating game (temporarily), but where has all the love gone? It seems like the comments are now full of misogynists, intolerable A-holes who think that life ends by the time you hit 40.

    Here's news for you folks: we 40-something women are doing great. And I say that from a soulful perspective. I may struggle financially-- who of us doesn't? But I'm so "complete" as a single woman; I could cry from joy to be given a second chance in life.

    With that said, here's what makes me sad about the "new" Yahoo Shine:

    Posts about wedding planning. Oh geez-- I know people are still going about by way of the dinosaur by walking down the isle, but seriously, do you need to dedicate tons and TONS of articles on wedding planning, flowers, cakes, fluff, most embarrassing wedding

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