Blog Posts by t.waid

  • Surviving Chronic Illnesses?

    I have previously promised not to complain about my health problems, but I can no longer hold back my frustration. Seven or eight chronic illnesses, I've lost count. My mental condition is negatively affected in a major way. My verbal skills are sevely impaired. I also have a hearing deficit so I often can not hear what people are saying to me in entirerity. My frustration is indescribable. I am well educated, but because of poor health I can not be productive. I have nothing meaningful to do to occupy my time. I am suffering. May God grant me a medical miracle. Amen. Godspeed to all.

  • ... For Without This Dream World..

    ...for without this dream world, life for them would not be tolerable... This partial statement is from one of my 12-step books and is relevant to my present and past mental states. I used to dream a lot about everything. I have never realized a dream and I sometimes wonder if my profuse dreaming held me back.
    I do not dream any more about anything, although I try to be hopeful about my fututre welfare.
    Dreaming can help give one a sense of purpose. I am trying so hard to find a purpose in my life, but my severe health and financial problems are preventing me from finding any meaning in my life. What do you think about dreaming? If you read this blog, send me a message with your thoughts about dreaming. Godspeed to all.

  • Ode to Ripple

    Many years ago I had a dog named Ripple. He was a brown-haired Dachshund Standard. My mother got him for me from a loving family when he was two years old and fully house-broken. He was immediately very affectionate. He had deformed testicles and defective teeth- both of which made him a remarkably gentle dog who never barked or bit anyone. Ripple was the absolute epitome of gentleness. Also, I have never known an animal like him who loved to be warm all the time while engaging in deep slumber. How I now envy the knack he had for sleeping. I am so lucky for having had a great love for my Ripple.

  • God Works in Strange Ways

    I had a terrible financial crisis last January that caused a housing crisis in which I faced possible eviction and homelessness. I could no longer afford my 31/2 pack per day cigarette habit so I had to quit cold turkey. I couldn't sleep for 4 straight days while suffering from acute anxiety from all of my adverse circumstances. The fact is, I have severe COPD so it was essential for me to quit smoking. It took a serious financial crisis to impel me to do so. Even though I suffered greatly, I have remained abstinent for nearly 7 months without any serious cravings. Needless to say, my continuing abstinence is helping my health. Isn't it amazing how God can create adversity that actually has very valuable side benefits. God really does work in strange ways.

  • Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness

    As a former addict, I pause to reflect on my ongoing need to improve my personal character. HOW, the acronym for honesty, openmindedness, and willingness, is a key philosophical principle governing the process of making positive character changes.
    I used to think that being honest was a relatively simple and straight forward endeavor until it occurred to me that self-deception can be a pervasive factor. Stepping outside the box to objectively view oneself is an important part of learning how to be honest.
    Openmindedness is a challenging mental paradigm because principle-centered individuals need to relax their commitment to their beliefs in order to accept the possible validity of differing beliefs. This process requires one to have extraordinary humility and enlightenment.
    Acts of willingness are encouraged by the qualities of honesty and openmindedness. Additionally, significant courage is required for HOW to function on a higher level. Counscious understanding of HOW can also be

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    My friends,

    The philosophy of living one day at a time has been a time-honored concept for ages. I personally struggle with this concept because of shame about my past and a strong apprehension about my future welfare. Living life one day at a time requires a very delicate balance between personal attitudes about the past, present, and future- while also realizing that not all days are going to be good. Achieving this desireable balance requires one to forgive past mistakes and to forge a strong faith in a positive future. With this mindset in place, one can focus on present circumstances in the context of accepting the humble nature of one's situation. This thinking is hard to achieve, but when successful, one can acquire the elusive peace of mind that comes with living one day at a time. May we all gain an inner peace by learning how to live one day at a time.

  • The Mystery of Miracles

    Miracles are blessed events shrouded in mystery. How do we know when a mystery happens? Miracles are a mysterious phenomenon because one can often happen without detection. How many times have we all had near misses that could be a miraculous event? And yet, how many more times did something unknowing to us either happen or not happen that was a hidden miracle. This phenomenon is the essential mystery of miracles. We mortals never really can comprehend the true nature of a miracle because the core essense is invisible to the living consciousness. Terrible misfortune can be a miracle in disguise when compared to worse alternatives.
    I raise the issue of the mystery of miracles because we are all often blessed in ways that we can not comprehend. I sincerely hope the world in which we live will be an ongoing miracle for all of mankind.


    My friends,

    A combination of several serious medical problems, including severe sleep apnea, has caused me to have severe sleep deprivation for over ten years. My energy level during this period would have been close to zero had it not been for a significant and disruptive element of mania that kept me going. I simply can not overstate the profoundly debilitating misery of my not being able to get a decent rest.
    My sleep deprived condition had an extremely negative effect on my physical and mental health. Additionally, I had serious mental health problems that coincided with my sleep deprivation, thereby making everthing worse. Also, my poverty level circumstances served to considerably magnify the overwhelming stress and high anxiety that afflicts me. What is especially disturbing to me is the unstable and inconsistent nature of my cognition and memory.
    Even with these problems, I have accomplished three significant things in the last ten years. I acquired an MEd with an honors


    My friends,

    I am fortunate to be an American citizen whose parents, grandparents,great grandparents, and possibly before, have deep roots in America. As I suffer from exteme economic hardship like so many other Americans,I can only be grateful that my suffering is happening in America because it could be much worse if I lived elsewhere.
    Here in our great country we are debating the great issues of the day. As a testament to our vibrant democracy we all have a voice in shaping America's future. In the great state of Ohio, and Cuyahoga County, we must work extra hard to do independent research on all these important issues. Local political advertisements and media soundbites are not a reliable basis on which to judge the issues.
    Let us all unite in a neverending quest to discover the factual basis of the issues and problems that confront us wherever we live. I continue to believe that God 's bright light shines on our country.
    As always, GODSPEED to all.



    At a recent visit to my bank, as I was leaving I made an impromptu inquiry about bank CD rates just to see how low they had gone. I was greeted by a highly enthusiastic, if not rather aggressive investment counselor. Little did he know that I was a low-income customer who would never become one of his clients. What I learned from him was quite surprising. A 21 month bank CD has an annual 1.1 % interest rate. Therefore, a senior couple who has saved for their entire lives can expect to receive a paltry $11,000 pre-tax annual income from a million dollar bank CD. No wonder consumer spending by this demographic segment is so low and a drag on economic growth.
    Moreover, the banker continued to discuss other more exotic and complex retirement investments that promised much higher rates of return that seemed to good to be true. After leaving, I wondered to myself how risk-averse seniors (or anybody for that matter). can get decent rates of return. They can't right now. Is



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