Blog Posts by wolf banderson

  • Shelly, the Ultimate Internet Meltdown

    Well, the election is over, obama won. and we filthy americans have to continue on with our democratic lives as though nothing changed.
    we'll eat, drink, be generally irritating and -oh, what's that? Oh yes! i forgot that post elections are often full of internet fallout from the losers! and 50 percent of the country lost! surely we have something to gawk and and give viral credence, am i right?
    BEHOLD! as i show you the ultimate display of pure viral online hypocrisy as only I, wolf banderson, and the internet can show!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLoqti0lzAw
    That link goes to a video known as, obama won, i'm pissed, this ain't pretty.
    now the woman in question isn't viral because she made a point, she made none. indeed, she's fast becoming viral because even though she's a deranged irish psychopath on god knows how many schnaps who happened to voice her opinion on the internet.
    she's the only person who had the courage to do that, and while i commend her for adding yet

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  • The Great Presidential Election, the Greatest Gambling System

    Hello.
    wolf banderson here, and i am upset.
    i was looking at the recent string of presidential electory macguffinism and i saw......
    a sadistic joke. no punch line, just a jest, a joke that absolutely had to have a punch line, for the hopes and dreams of millions depended on it.
    and isn't that the punch line?
    vote for me! i'm mr. perfect!
    no! vote for me! i'm black and think through all of my decisions!
    vote for me, i'm backed by chuck norris.
    vote for me, i love jesus!
    vote for me! i hate homosexuality and promise to root it out for you!
    vote for me, because, because.....you know what? fuck it!
    vote for me, they say.
    vote for the great, vote for the gloried, voted for the reasonable, vote for the popular, vote for the righteous.
    In the end, these candidates pick one aspect of human nature and use it as their shield, never once realizing that the shield alone will never be enough.
    we get a macabre of good ideals, but with just one ideal, with just one good aspect of the

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  • Kingdom Hearts 3d Dream Drop Distance Review, by Wolf Banderson, King of the Internet


    There comes a time in this world when a wandering wolf must settle in for a small fraction of time and enjoy the simpler things in life.
    so it comes as no surprise to me that kingdom hearts is among my favorite videogame series.
    between the action rpg format that was almost perfectly one of a kind, and surely unique back in its day, to the steady sincerity of every tender kingdom hearts moment, the series has endured.
    dream drop distance is what i like to call AN EXTREME EXERCISE IN VIDEOGAMING FUTILITY THAT IS BETTER LEFT IGNORED!!!
    but since tetsuya nomura never made any money by listening to his boss, this game actually feels awesome.
    how to sum up dream drop distance?.....hmmm....it's on the tip of my tongue..........
    oh yeah, it's filler mixed in with OH MY GOD THE MAIN VILLAIN IS THAT FUCKING BRILLIANT? NO FUCKING WAY! HOW IN THE HELL IS HE ABLE TO THINK THAT FAR AHEAD! FUUUUUUU-
    yeah, bound time travel is an interesting plot mechanic, but isn't really made note of until

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  • God Bless a Full Half of America. To the Bones with the Rest

    Hello, you're all probably wondering why the king of the internet has decided to rear his furry head once again.
    i have been scanning the internet, gazing upon its varied surfaces for any form of injustices.
    then i found this.
    this.....insult...this....atrocity....this....wonderful exercise in blunt, cold, ruthless-kill-or-be-killed-honesty.
    i refer to none other than the calamitous descent of our dearly beloved former presidential candidate, mitt romney (AKA Dogcarmanrepublican)
    i saw this,,,,video, on youtube.
    Then an article.
    Then another article.
    Then i soon realized i had found a gem among internet finds, i had found a viral political gaffe.
    as soon as i came to terms with this i studied this newfound outrage, and found our pride filled candidate to be wanting in his humanity, his hopes and dreams seemingly borne of naught but luciferous avarice.
    the comedy was enough to make me reel, not since harold camping's rapture was a mistake this leviathanized made. indeed, i

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  • Dear Anonymous

    why?! why?!!
    why must you guys create even more unnecessary chaos?
    that's my job and I do it very well thank you!
    I mean-what the hell guys?
    you trying to steal my shtick or what?
    whatever, whaatever.
    so, down to business.
    you have been a thorn in the side of the internet for a very, very long time.
    you have ruled over it with a silent hand, protecting the rights of internet users and openly defying the government.
    again- MY JOB!!!
    so I have a humble request to make of you, will you....for no apparent reason whatsoever.
    contact me, the wolf, and tell me under no uncertain terms, just what it is you guys actually do?
    the wolf is very confuse to the point of being angry.
    the wolf no like being confuse.
    you guys create and harvest discord so that america may sleep safer at night, so the internet may still be free, but I ponder the nature of this chaotic good of yours.
    is it truly a good thing to do all of this?
    is it right to inconvenience the lives of others in my stead?

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  • Our president needs support, no matter how menial.

    For our country we must make an effort!

    On this, the great road to life we Americans, as we so see fit to consider ourselves, have been forgetting countless cardinal rules in our lifetime.

    We are fat, greedy, petty children with no real knowledge as to how to take care of ourselves and so we simply lay back and let the government change us, feed us, clothe us.

    I mean these things quite literally.

    Well we are now upset because a man has come along who knows not how to do these things.

    He expects us to take care of ourselves and each other, not depend on the government.

    That is part of the reason his tenure is failing.

    He is promoting effort in a nation oozing with lethargy and helplessness.

    I once saw an elderly woman being beaten by a pair of police officers and not one soul did a damn thing about it.

    Not because helping would be dangerous, which it would be, but because it would mean that in helping the poor OLD woman who clearly did not have the

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