Blog Posts by SoCalResident

  • You Are Not Forgotten, Michael Jackson, R.I.P.

    You are not alone, Michael Jackson. We are with you, as you are with us, for every soul that you have touched during your legacy. Rest in peace.
  • Beauty Is The Biggest Hindrance For Finding Love, At Least For Me

    What is the biggest hindrance I've had so far in my love life? Beauty. There's no if's and's or but's about it. I've been heartbroken one too many times, and what, pray tell, is the common thread with each guy that disappeared? He would gush about how "beautiful" he thought I was. I've come to learn that he was talking about physical attributes and not the spiritual kind. That kinda sucks. Actually, it really sucks!

    As I look back throughout the years of wondering how attractive I am to the opposite sex, I've had many mixed messages. As a teenager, I had a few crushes, and in the end, none of them would "make any moves" on me. It left me wondering if I looked like a freak, or if the guy was a closet homosexual, or maybe I just repelled men by nature. Over the years, I've learned that these men really were attracted to me, but were too shy to make any moves. How do I know? Well, let's just say chatting on Facebook can reveal a lot of hidden mysteries.

    Now mind you, I have

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  • User Post: I Want My Teenage Innocence Back, And I Don't Mean My Virginity!

    Having a bored moment before having to go out for a reporting assignment, I was reading through some old messages on Facebook. The guy friend of mine that I've been "non-dating" hasn't contacted me for a while, so being the recovering love addict, I let curiosity get the best of me. Here comes the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows as I begin to wonder: does he still find me attractive? Did I do something wrong to scare him away? Maybe he's seeing someone else and I'm no longer interesting? And so on. I've tried to plug in my cognitive behavioral therapy by recognizing the negative thought and trying to replace it with a positive one, but darn it, the insecure thoughts are like gnats at a picnic, and just won't relent!

    So, as I read through messages that go back to the days after my ex moved out (about a year and a half ago), I could see how interested he was in me, and my happiness. It seemed genuine, and he would always follow up every few months to see how I was doing. And

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  • Dating Advice Needed! How Long Before You Say "I Do" To Sex?

    Forgive me for putting it out there so bluntly, but it's a question that has been racking my mind lately. I have read countless times in dating advice articles, that if you want a long term relationship with a man, you should hold off on having sex. But how long?

    Ironically, I've been on what I call a "man diet," and swore off men until I have a better grasp of things sort of out of control in my life. But I was approached by a guy friend and he invited himself to come with me to do a restaurant review. I didn't think much of it, and kept calling it a "non-date." But then he asked me out again. And again. He called our meetings "snacking" during the "man diet." The non-dates became romantic meetings where we laugh, kiss and feel like teenagers. I should have known there is no such thing as a "non-date," just like there is no such thing as "snacking" during a "man diet"-- the hormones are the real deal!

    To be fair, one of the pre-requisites to ending my "man diet" was

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  • 10 Secrets To Attracting Men-- No Hard Work Required

    For my most recent writing assignment, I have to list the qualities that men find most attractive in women when dating. One thing I'm good at is researching topics and reporting on them (hence my journalism background). Ironically, I am being paid to give advice on a subject I'm really clueless about. Don't get me wrong: many men have told me how "attractive" I am, and I have enough self confidence to know there's something about me that turns men on. When it comes to catching a man and keeping him, I have been met with failure multiple times. But I'm learning from my mistakes, and getting insider tips sure does help!

    So, I offer you the fruits of my knowledge from my own experience and the information I've been given from experts on dating, relationships and the differences between men and women. Take each tip with a grain of salt (after all, I'm the messenger, not the messiah when it comes to relationships!).

    1. Be confident. Nothing says "I'm sexy" to a man than a woman

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  • Confessions Of a Serial Monogamist And Surviving a Man Diet

    I was out with a male friend recently, and as I told him the stories of my brief relationships with men, he laughed and called me a "serial monogamist." I'd heard that phrase before, but suddenly it dawned on me that it was a true description of my behavior. Apparently, soon after meeting a guy that shows me a little attention, I take on the martyr role, and date him exclusively-- believing that somehow I'll win bonus points for being so faithful.

    When I was dating a man that I had been messaging for months, I fell quickly into the serial monogamist mode. In fact, I'd fallen for him already (even before meeting him in person) from his lovely, heart-felt, caring messages. We'd been on one date where he showed up with a picnic for us in the park, and I commented, "this is the best sandwich I've had in my life!" I became starry-eyed, thinking about how this was the first man who ever made me a sandwich. Silly? Yes, but being the caregiver for the most part of my life, and just coming

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  • User post: The 7 Deadly Mistakes Men Make When Dating

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    OK, guys, since you asked for it in the comments about "The 7 Deadly Mistakes Women Make," I've decided to post the worst blunders men make when dating. I've done some research on the subject, and my pointers are coming from a female perspective (so I've been there and done that). Remembering these 7 key "no-nos" should help when initially dating a woman. Whether or not there will be any chemistry is entirely up to the moment, but avoiding these mistakes might help make some sparks:

    1. Too much, too soon. Guys feel physical attraction in an instant, and want to move in as quickly as possible. Some women take longer to decide if they are attracted to a man, but if a guy becomes an octopus too quickly, he will creep her out faster than a horror flick. Trying to move in with a kiss or blurting out too quickly how you feel about a woman will put awkward pressure on her. Take it easy, and make her feel comfortable around you.

    2. Talking too much and not listening. This goes for both men

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  • User post: The Seven Deadly Mistakes Women Make When Dating

    Because I've been guilty of every deadly sin imaginable when dating men, I've decided to put up the list of mistakes women make when dating a man. This is gathered from researching what makes men tick, and what has them running faster than you can say "I want to get married." Don't feel bad if you start reading, and say to yourself, "dang, I did that!" I did, too. But I learn from my mistakes, and will be wiser and more prepared the next time. So will you.

    Here is my list of "no-no's" women do when dating a guy:

    1. Don't be emotionally unstable. If a guy sees you as a woman who blows her top or cries over insignificant issues, he will see you as trouble down the line, and most likely head for the hills if he sees you can't "keep it together."

    2. Don't be a "yes" woman. A woman who openly shows a man how much she's attracted to him, and will go out of her way to please him is going to turn him off immediately. Not because he doesn't think you are wonderful, but because

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  • Three Cheers For Singledom!!!

    Happy Lady

    "Baby steps, every day." That is my motto that has given me strength since my ex moved out Christmas morning in 2009. I have been grateful for the caring souls that reached out to me in my time of need, and their words of wisdom resound in my head every so often-- as needed. It's okay to backslide occasionally when a moment of weakness discombobulates your inner peace, just keep focusing on your goals and move forward. Even snails at their slow speed eventually get to where they are headed.

    So, I'm officially off the market (and have been since January). Oh, yeah, it's hard sometimes-- who doesn't miss the intimacy, cuddling, and sharing long, romantic kisses? But I have a new mantra: "I don't NEED anything." Well, sure, the basic necessities of living, and the companionship of people I love. But I'm learning that being single is quite liberating, and EMPOWERING! The best method of breaking a bad habit (which for me is being codependent), is to avoid the situation. I have no one in

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  • Recovering love addict seeking answers for codependent behavior

    "Romeo and Juliet", Sir Francis Dicksee (1884)"Romeo and Juliet", Sir Francis Dicksee (1884)

    As a recovering love addict, I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I become codependent, and lose myself whenever I fall in love with a man. Since women are raised with the nurturing quality, we (mostly) automatically assume we have to "care for others," and "fix things," even when our own needs aren't being met. Is there any chance of breaking the chain of events, or am I destined to always be the "caregiver" for a man I love? Since I realize (after a man breaks up with me) that I lose myself and focus mostly on the relationship, I've decided to "just say 'no' to the drug" (which is falling in love). I would like to have a healthy relationship some day, but I wonder if I will be strong enough to keep boundaries in the future. Any thoughts of how to avoid the pitfalls of love addiction/co-dependency?

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