Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • Top 5 Love Lessons Learned from the Bachelorette (S 9, Ep 6)

    ABC's Bachelorette will give one final rose to the guy she believes to be the man of her dreams!Each week, Em & Lo recap the latest episode of The Bachelorette in handy romantic-advice form:

    • There are no imperfect places to fall in love in the entire resort world. None.
    • Yes, yes, do take your date by the hand in the middle of some boring event, run out into a nearby secluded corridor, press them up against the wall and kiss them passionately, please, yes, do that. But just make sure you actually escape the thing you're running away from. In other words, if you're looking for privacy, you've got to achieve a modicum of it (out-of-breath camera crews in the alleyway with you kind of ruin it).
    • Re love poetry: No more rhymes now, I mean it! (Anybody want a peanut?)
    • A great tactic to undermine your opponent in an argument about love is to pick an imaginary spot up in the air to focus on, thereby belittling them with your passive-agressive refusal to make eye-contact. (Especially good if you're soused out of your mind.) This has gotta be from The Art of War, right?
    • If
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  • Your 4th of July Horoscopes

    fireworksaries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
    Practice safe sex this 4th. We swear that's what the stars are telling you this week. So wrap up your firecracker or else you might end up with some 3rd degree burns on your genitals.

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
    The skies are clear so you can set your love rockets off. They should go off without a hitch. Expect lots of oooh-ing and ah-ing.

    gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
    Make a little room on your beach blanket for someone who wants to play bingo with you or you may discover that this person will kick sand in your face as they walk away to play with someone else's beach balls.

    cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
    You will be impossible to ignore this week, because it's your turn to shine and sizzle, like a sparkler at night, not like a greasy strip of fatty bacon.

    leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
    Open your eyes. You are missing opportunities that should not be passed by. Like finding love. Or checking out those giant 3-D fireworks in the shape of

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  • Top 5 Love Lessons Learned from Season 9 Ep 5 of the Bachelorette

    ABC's Bachelorette will give one final rose to the guy she believes to be the man of her dreams!

    1. If you (Bryden) are going to dump someone (Des), do NOT take great pains to do it publicly at an inconvenient time for the dumpee. Flying across an ocean to tell someone who you're not even really dating that you don't like them is a little "look at me! look at me!" Even worse if you do this to the dumpee while she's in the middle of an actual date/preparing for a job interview/giving a speech/attending a party where she is the guest of honor/or any other real world event that will be ending soon anyway, thus giving you the opportunity to break the "bad news."
    2. If, when talking about a guy you're dating (Chris), you (Des) can't help but make an expression like you just smelled the trash in the dumpster out behind your local sushi restaurant that's been baking in the summer sun all day, then he is probably not the guy for you.
    3. If you (Chris) are going to write someone a love poem, please don't make it rhyme. Exhibit A: "Girls I used to think were true/all out of mind as I think of
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  • What Do Men Think of a Woman Proposing?

    The ProposalAdvice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "Would most men be cool with a woman proposing marriage to them? (assuming they're in a serious committed relationship where marriage has become an unspoken expectation for both parties)." To ask the guys your own question,click here.

    Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I was pretty cool with it!

    We'd been in a serious committed relationship for years, and I'd known almost right away that I wanted to marry her. The expectation had even gone from unspoken to spoken when her fairly conservative mom cornered us coming out of a hotel room together on a family trip and said, "So what's the deal with you two?" We stammered a bit and my partner blurted out "But we're going to get married." And I nodded vigorously. Now, at the moment it wasn't strictly true. We'd talked about it a lot but never made an actual decision. We talked about it later, a bit surprised that in our mid-thirties we were still making

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  • 10 Tips to Stop Hating Your Body Enough to Have Sex

    Funhouse Mirror
    Dear Em & Lo,


    So, I think that I just might (fingers, eyes, everything but legs crossed) get cozy with a guy I've been crushing on forever. We're friends, but frequently get a bit romantic when we hang out and naughty-text once in a while. I would love to have a relationship with him.

    He's funny, adorable, and we get along so well. Then there's the problem…
    He's HOT. I'm talking smoke show. Super muscular and athletic, cute face, perfect teeth - the whole shebang. All of my friends think he's a babe.

    However, I am not physically perfect. Far from it. Don't get me wrong, I think I'm quite pretty, but I have lost 140 pounds, and had a baby. So basically my body is WRECKED. I really need a tummy tuck (or three), but I can't afford it and insurance doesn't cover it. And no, it's not like a little pooch. It's a big ol' deal.


    I usually have great confidence in the sack because the few guys I've been with had their own body-quirks, too. I look pretty decent with clothes on, but I'm afraid

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  • Top 5 Lessons Learned from Episode 3 of the Bachelorette

    ABC's Bachelorette will give one final rose to the guy she believes to be the man of her dreams!

    1. Never steal a kiss. "I have a secret to tell you"? It's like a sucker punch: cheap and ignoble. If you have to fake someone out to get them to kiss you, then you shouldn't be kissing them in the first place.

    2. The pain killers you get at the E.R. are just as good as Jack Daniels at screwing your romantic courage to the sticking place (as Shakespeare might say). And the pain from a broken appendage is a lot less shameful than the pain from a hangover the next day.

    3. While honesty is the best policy, opening your first date with the admission that you have a child with a crazy ex who pressed domestic violence charges against you is probably not the smoothest of moves. (Almost better to admit you were once gay.)

    4. Seriously, we said it before, we'll say it again: Actual laughter in the face of other people's tragedies is not cool (Des). Yes, maybe admitting on national television that you fell for your jerk boyf's line about needing a break for the exact amount of time it

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  • Watch This, Not That: 5 Netflix Instant Date Movies to Watch (& 5 Not To)

    2 Days in ParisThere are some gems on Netflix that you can watch instantly, and many of them are especially good for a date night. But choose wisely: some are perfect for cuddling up on the couch together, while others only SEEM that way.






    1.Recent Indie RomCom:

    Watch Safety Not Guaranteed, NOT No Strings AttachedSafety Not GuaranteedThe huge star power of No Strings Attached (starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher) doesn't hold a candle to the adorable power of Safety Not Guaranteed (starring…we couldn't even tell you). It's sweet, smart and funny - everything you want in a date movie (and in a date!). Meanwhile, NSA is totally forgettable (just like you wish all your bad dates could be).


    2. Tested Love: 2 Days in ParisWatch 2 Days in Paris, NOT Like Crazy
    They both are about the harsh realities of real relationships, but one is frenetically funny and the other just fizzles out.






    3. Homoeroticism:

    Watch Brokeback Mountain, NOT Heavenly CreaturesBrokeback MountainWell before his Lord of the Rings empire, Peter Jackson directed Heavenly Creatures, a

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  • Top 5 Lessons Learned from Season 9 Episode 2 of the Bachelorette

    The Bachelorette
    1. Take a tip from a 12-Step Program: no trauma bonding! Admitting to your absentee father / drug-addict mother / type 1 diabetes / poverty status / lactoseintolerance is not first-date A material.


    2. That said, if you're forced to wear an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny flesh-colored bikini bottom and shake your junk in front of the girl you like and you do it with good humor and without shame, then you can (almost) be forgiven for any uncontrollable bouts of said trauma bonding.

    3. When someone is telling you their most painful personal story, don't smile. Whether it's a nervous habit or pure evil, it's not cool.

    4. If a man refers to himself as "old-fashioned," that means he's overly macho, aggressively Neanderthal and benevolently sexist.

    5. You can't have staples in your head AND wear your hair like Frankenstein's monster.

    MORE LIKE THIS FROM EMandLO.com:

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  • 5 Reasons Why “The Killing” is One of the Best Feminist Shows on TV

    The Killing's Sarah Linden (Mireille Enos)Okay, if you can get past the fact that the entire series revolves around the brutal murders of pretty young girls, "The Killing" on AMC (whose third season premiered on Sunday night) is actually a great feminist television show:

    1) The main character, homicide detective Sarah Linden (Mireille Enos), is a strong, tough, independent woman who doesn't need a man. She doesn't even want a man. Her passion is her job.

    2) There are lesbian characters (plural!) who are also strong, tough and independent. In the first two seasons, Sarah's best friend is a lesbian; in this season, she's getting married. And there's a new character, a street kid named Bullet who's as compelling as Linden's colorful partner from the first two seasons, Stephen Holder; Bullet is in love with another runaway girl (who doesn't know it). None of these romances is given any special treatment - they just are.

    3) Stephen Holder, her tough-as-nails partner, is also - you guessed it - strong and independent. He's rough

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  • Why Public Proposals Are a Bad Idea

    Will you marry me?If you're thinking about proposing to your partner in public, you might want to browse the stories on Quora.com first. If you haven't been sucked into Quora.com yet, it's an addictive awesome time-suck (okay, so maybe you shouldn't check it out then!), where real people answer questions about everything from "What is the nicest thing you've ever done that no one knows about?" to "What would a modern-day evil genius have to do in order to take over the world?" The responses to some questions can be truly heartbreaking -- like the people answering the question, "What does it feel like to have your spouse die?" But there's also something reassuring and warm-and-fuzzy about this sort of discussion. Turns out people aren't just spending their time online watching videos of people wiping out doing skate-board tricks. They're also reaching out and trying to help a stranger deal with the loss of her husband. Our favorite discussion lately is the kind that makes you squeeze your bum-hole

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