Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • Wise Guys: Can a Man Be Talked into an Open Relationship?

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    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "I want to have an open relationship, but my boyfriend doesn't want to open up the relationship. I don't want to break up, what should I do?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.


    Straight Married Guy (Ben): Easy answer - if you don't want to break up, then you can't have an open relationship. But really it sounds like it's time for you and your boyfriend to do a yes / no / maybe list - a kind of sexual proclivities inventory where you see what each of you definitely are up for, what you might want to do if conditions are right and what things are total out of bounds. You each fill out the list on your own and then compare your answers. Whatever you both answer Yes to, go for it. Maybes mean it's up for negotiation. And No from either of you means No for both of you. There's a pretty great Yes / No / Maybe list on my Adult Parlour Games site.


    Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): First off, you're

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  • The Top 5 Writing Lessons of "Fifty Shades of Grey"

    Fifty Shades of GreyThe biggest selling book of 2012 was Fifty Shades of Grey. Not only has it introduced many people to the world of kink, it's given them a lesson in how not to write. And if a lack of literary merit isn't going to slow down sales, well, at least people can learn about the elements of style while being turned on by the elements of sadomasochism.

    1. Avoid repetition of words and phrases. When Ana first meets Christian Grey, she thinks she spots a "ghost of a smile" in his expression. That's a nice, descriptive way of putting it -- it's easy for the reader to imagine. The problem is, James uses the same exact phrasing only a few pages later, for the same character. And that's not the last we hear the term "ghost of a smile," either -- it pops up a few more times in the first book. Using something so specific again and again just comes across as lazy.

    2. Use adverbs sparingly. Anastasia Steele never met an adverb she didn't like, especially when it's modifying the way she or another

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  • The REAL Reasons Why Yoga Improves Your Sex Life

    Yoga poseIs your New Year's resolution to improve both your health and your sex life? Yoga could be the answer, though not for the reasons you might think, says EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz:

    As a teenager, naive to what both sex and yoga were really about, I would gossip with my friends about our sprouting sex lives. We giggled about starting yoga classes in order to be better in bed, with the idea being that yoga = flexibility and flexibility + twisted pretzel positions = good sex. We'd learned this from movies that portrayed woman who could put their leg over their head as sexy and promiscuous. As I grew up and learned more about sex -- and started taking yoga classes -- I figured out that, while pretzel sex positions can be more awkward than pleasurable, there are plenty of other reasons why yoga can improve your sex life. Here are five...

    1. Yoga Is a Stress Reliever
    A tightly wound mind is not exactly

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  • What's a Good Gift for Crush/Boyfriend/Husband?

    Xmas presentsAdvice from three of EM & LO's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "What's a good holiday present for 1) a guy you've just started dating, 2) a guy you've been exclusive with for a year or so, 3) a husband?"

    Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): OK, you are married, you may or may not have kids and you want to get your hubby a gift that he will appreciate. I am going to give you two options, and I HIGHLY suggest doing them both. First, get him what he really wants. You already know what it is ladies and if you say you don't you are lying to yourself. An X-Box, a power tool, a motorcycle, a brew your own beer kit, whatever that thing is that you know he wants but you don't want him to have, just get it for him, ok? He isn't going to spend more time with it than you and he is going to be thrilled. Secondly, buy some sexy lingerie, wrap yourself in a bow, make a nice meal and treat him like a king for the night. You already are the perfect gift, after all, he married you, so

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  • The Perfect Holiday Gift for "Fifty" Fans: "150 Shades of Play"

    Did you or someone you know devour the Fifty Shades of Grey series but wish there'd been a little more guidance? Then we've got the perfect holiday gift for you! Our new book, 150 Shades of Play , is a helpful (and hilarious, if we do say so ourselves) illustrated A-to-Z guide to kink for beginners. It includes:

    • How to's on role play, dirty talk, spanking, bondage & more
    • Important safety info missing from the Fifty Shades trilogy
    • A voyeuristic peek at all of Christian Grey's "hard limits"
    • Tips on shopping for top-of-the-line kinky accoutrements
    • Notes on what the Fifty series got wrong about BDSM
    • Everything beginners need to know to get their kink on!

    150 Shades of Play will make your Christian and Ana fantasies a reality - both safely and sensually! For more information about the book -- including excerpts, advance praise (from the likes of TIME's Joel Stein and sex educator icon Betty Dodson!), and cool moody photos thanks to LELO -- visit 150ShadesOfPlay.com. And to

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  • What Turns a Hookup into a Girlfriend?

    No Strings Attached













    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends
    . This week they answer the following: "What turns a hook-up into a girlfriend?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.

    Straight Single Guy (Adam): I can't speak for everyone else, but for me, a hook-up turns into someone I want to have as my girlfriend when I don't just want to hook up with her. If I spend all my time thinking about all the things I want to do with my hook-up other than hooking up, then that's a telltale sign she's not just a hook-up.

    As for whether a hook-up has, in fact, transformed into an actual girlfriend, I think that's something that can only happen after we've both had a conversation about it. It would probably be one-sided and go something like this: "Hey remember when I was treating you like a piece of meat? Yeah, so I'm all done with that, and I'd really like to take it to the next level. I realize I didn't treat you with a lot of respect before, but I'm totally ready to buy you flowers and kiss

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  • You Don't Need Emotional Baggage to like Spanking

    Bottoms up!












    We don't often read the "Modern Love" column in the New York Times Sunday Styles section these days - when you've been in the biz as long as we have, it's easy to get cynical and feel like you've heard every story about love and sex there is to tell. But this past week's column, "Finding the Courage to Reveal a Fetish," leaped out at us. Sure, every publication under the sun (not to mention your mother-in-law's book group) is discussing kinky sex in the wake of Fifty Shades. A light spanking here, a pair of fuzzy handcuffs there - it's practically de rigeur.

    But this article in the Times delves deeper, emotionally, than anything we've read recently: It's about a woman who has an honest-to-god spanking fetish, and what happens when she falls in love with someone who doesn't really get it. She explains: "While there is a strong erotic element to my kink, sex is merely a side dish to the more absorbing entree of the spanking itself." More importantly, though, the article is

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  • What Do Men Wish They'd Known About Making Love when They Were Younger?

    What would you have told this guy?














    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "What do you wish you had known about making love when you were younger?" To ask the guys your own question, click here
    .

    Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Wow. There are probably hundreds of things I wish I'd known about sex when I was younger but the number one-with-a-bullet thing I wish I'd known when I was younger is that, contrary to the Santa Claus maxim, it's actually as good to receive as it is to give. Really. No kidding!

    I grew up in the "she comes first" era which, while certainly an improvement of the earlier "she comes?" era, still had a big element of putting women on pedestals and treating them like dainty, passive, recipients rather than participants in sex. I remember being really, literally shocked out of the mood when one partner pushed my knees apart, popped me into her mouth, then popped back up a moment later with this huge grin and said, "Oh, I just love doing this."

    At

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  • How Can You Tell If a Guy is Playing Games?

    Playing games is only ok if a board is involved
    We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

    Dear Em & Lo,

    How can I tell if a guy is looking for something serious or is just playing games? I meet a lot of men who tell me one thing and do another and it's very frustrating because I am ready to settle down and don't have time for all the games. What signs do I need to be on the lookout for so I don't waste my time?

    - Scrambled

    What should Scrambled do? Let her know in the comments below.

    More from EMandLO.com:

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  • What We Won by Re-Electing Obama

    Obama campaign logo.Thanks to a majority of American voters yesterday, we're moving forward in the 21st century, not backward to the 1950s. At 11:15pm last night, the champagne was poured and "We Are the Champions" played on the stereo! Here are just a few of the things we all won:

    For more on reproductive rights, sexual freedom and sex education, visit EMandLO.com!Read More »from What We Won by Re-Electing Obama

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