Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • The Best Way to Fix Love

    heart mosaic
    The new book Love Sense by clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson tries to take some of the mystery out of that big emotion. While that may not sound very romantic, Johnson is dedicated to the scientific exploration of love so that we may have better, more-fulfilling, more intimate long-term relationships -- especially in a world where independence, isolation and non-monogamy are growing more common. Her book offers real-life examples and practical exercises, based on the Emotionally Focused Therapy she developed in her own practice. In previous weeks, we've featured the first sections of Chapter 1 on the history of love and the sceince of love; below is the final section, which presents a unified theory of love and offers an exercise to try at the end.


    "Love Sense" by Dr. Sue Johnson
    from Chapter 1: A Unified Theory of Love

    Understanding that our lovers are our safe haven from the vicissitudes and depredations of life has given us new insights into what makeslovesense_150lovesense_150 romantic

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  • Top 10 Sex and Relationship Tips from the Breakfast Club

    A Breakfast Club KissIn honor of the 30th anniversary of the Saturday detention in the movie The Breakfast Club, we decided to imagine a 2014 remake of The Breakfast Club (and, yes, just the thought of this horrifies us, too!). As we took a trip down memory lane, calling up some of our favorite lines from the movie -still verbatim: no wonder we have trouble remembering who's president of Iraq these days - we realized just how much excellent love and sex advice there is in there.

    Here are some of our favorite life lessons culled from the movie:

    1. You Don't Have to Tell Anyone If You've Had Sex Yet


    And anyone who pressures you into talking about this subject or calls you a tease and/or slut is probably hiding something (or else just an a-hole).

    2. …And If You Lie About Having Sex, Everyone Will Know You're Lying


    Especially if the object of your cherry-popping conveniently lives in some far-flung vacation destination.

    3. "When You Grow Up, Your Heart Dies"


    Ah, just kidding. It just

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  • Re-Casting the Breakfast Club for 2014

    The Original Breakfast ClubDid you know that this week is the thirtieth anniversary of the Saturday detention in the 1985 movie The Breakfast Club? Thirty freakin' years! Man, we're old. Not only do we know the entire movie by heart, we could even recite for you the differences between the original theater version and the dubbed-for-TV version (wherein "eat my shorts" became "eat my socks"… which sounds way dirtier, if you ask us).

    In honor of this momentous - at least to us - occasion, we decided to imagine who would probably get cast if The Breakfast Club were remade today. Note: We think that remaking this movie would be a terrible thing to do - sacrilegious even. We'll say that one more time: Hollywood, please don't do it! (If you agree, then you'll probably enjoy our Top 10 Sex and Relationship Tips from The Breakfast Club.) Our best guesses at who would probably be cast should tell you why.

    The Brain (nee Anthony Michael Hall): Michael Cera
    Okay, so of all the possible re-casting decisions that could

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  • Your Call: What's the Difference Between Make-Up and Photoshop?

    Make-up application
    We get a lot of questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to respond to a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your deep thoughts in the comments section.

    Hi,

    I just read the question and response about the lady who felt bad because her husband had slightly photo-shopped photos he had taken of her nude body. I thought your response was absolutely excellent.

    However, this made me think a bit about photo-shopping in general, which is used, bluntly speaking, to present a version of the woman that is somewhat removed from the reality.

    So, how different is this from women using make-up and other beauty treatments? In my mind, make-up is merely 'old-style low tech' photo-shopping.

    When a woman uses mascara, eye-liner, blush, and all the other things that guys like me can't identify on a bet, they are altering their true image. Yet, very few women will go out in

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  • Your Love Life Horoscopes: One-Word Edition

    Grand Central ceilingGrand Central ceiling

    Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes - ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) This week, it's one-word advice, because brevity is the soul of wit.

    aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)

    Moderate. (Def. #1: To lessen the violence, severity, or extremeness of. NOT Def #2: To preside over.)

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
    Investigate.

    gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
    Enjoy!

    cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
    Socialize.

    leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
    Submit.

    virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
    Wait.

    libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
    Forgive.

    scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
    Converse.

    sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
    Radiate.

    capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
    Testify.

    aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
    Dominate.

    pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
    Discern.

    MORE LIKE THIS FROM EMandLO.com:

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  • The New Science of Love

    Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson


    The new book Love Sense by clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson tries to take some of the mystery out of that big emotion. While that may not sound very romantic, Johnson is dedicated to the scientific exploration of love so that we may have better, more-fulfilling, more intimate long-term relationships - especially in a world where independence, isolation and non-monogamy are growing more common. Her book offers real-life examples and practical exercises, based on the Emotionally Focused Therapy she developed in her own practice. Last week we featured the first part of Chapter 1 on the history of love; below is the next section, which lists the recent findings in the latest scientific research on love.

    "Love Sense" by Dr. Sue Johnson

    from Chapter 1: Revolution

    Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines revolution as "a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something: a change of paradigm." And that is exactly what has happened to adult

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  • I Dreamed I Strangled Ashton Kutcher

    Who HASN'T dreamed about strangling Ashton Kutcher?Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

    I had a nightmare last night: After a house party, two guys (who in the dream were my friends, though they don't exist in my life) held me down and cut off one of my testicles, laughing while they did it. I then woke up and tried to get to an ambulance, they were laughing and making jokes like I was a pansy for wanting help.

    I woke up and checked myself, and was fine. I went back to sleep and dreamed I was a robot with sentience created by a doctor as an experiment. In the dream I terrified people whenever they looked at me, and I ended up strangling Ashton Kutcher.

    Lauri: As cringe-worthy as they are, castration dreams are pretty common for the men-folk, I've learned. Why? Because

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  • My Husband Photoshopped My Nude Photos Without Asking

    A man and his laptopTo submit your own advice question to Em & Lo, click here.

    Dear Em & Lo,

    While on our honeymoon, we took advantage of a rainy day to stay lazily in our beautiful hotel room all day. We crossed a boundary we hadn't crossed before: nude photography! We'd been playing with the idea for a while, but I was a bit hesitant because I'm overweight and don't always like how I look in pictures, and it felt like a huge step. After the wedding though, I was feeling like a million dollars and told my husband I was ready to go ahead. We made that big legal commitment, I was ready for the emotional commitment of nudes as well.

    It was an incredibly sexy to be in front of my husband's lens, he checked in often with me to see if I was still comfortable, we talked ideas through before going ahead. I felt very safe and in control. We also agreed I could veto any photo I didn't like, and it would be immediately erased. We ended up with a set of pictures we both liked, and my husband was going to

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  • In Defense of Juan Pablo

    The Bachelor Juan PabloThe Bachelor Juan Pablo

    After spending all season ripping apart Juan Pablo for his sexist paternalism, his homophobia, his hypocrisy, and his all around smarminess, we're going to do something we never thought we'd do: defend him.

    Hear us out.

    When Andi, one of the women in Juan Pablo's final three, spoke up about the nightmarish reality of the fantasy suite, we commended her. She pulled back the curtain of the show to reveal what a sham it is. World travel, exotic locales, novel date activities, and heavy mood lighting do not a relationship make; they -- and the cameras -- don't create an environment to truly get to know someone intimately. Andi didn't realize this until she and Juan Pablo finally had a chance to be alone, away from the cameras, and truly be themselves. Previous Bachelors have been better at keeping up the charade in the camera-free fantasy suite, but not Juan Pablo -- his insensitivity and narcissism couldn't be contained. Andi saw his true colors and, for the first time in Bachelor

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  • Top 5 Love Lessons from the Bachelor Finale (Juan Pablo)

    The Final RoseThe Final Rose

    1. When your partner's family tells you he's rude, he makes his mama cry, he won't stick around when things get hard, he's not an easy guy, he's self-centered, he's a know-it-all, he's simple, he watches TV all day, and there will be lots of fighting, dump him.

    2. When your partner's dad is more affectionate, more complimentary, and quicker to say "I love you" than your partner, dump him.

    3. When someone says "I love you" don't respond with "Thank you" or a high-pitched, mildly frightened "Woooh!"

    4. Don't mention the possibility of having children together if you're not serious about the relationship. And don't mention a ring if you're not going to use it - it's not a damn dangling carrot!

    5. When someone uses the phrase "It is what it is" to describe their relationship with you, dump him. In fact, if someone you're dating uses the phrase "It is what it is" to describe anything, dump him.

    The moral of this season of "The Bachelor"? DON'T DATE JUAN PABLO!

    MORE LIKE THIS ON

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