Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • Top 10 Things I Learned from an Anti-Condom Boyfriend



    A college-student contributor friend of Em & Lo's, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

    I came into college and out of my first relationship ready to be single and to enjoy my new-found singledom with as many new people as possible. Generally, things went pretty well for me. I really enjoyed the free time afforded me by not being in a relationship, and I had some extremely enjoyable casual encounters. A few months in, I found myself involved with a guy who I was interested in both as a fling and as a person. Thus, I entered my first non-relationship, more than a one-night stand.

    I felt pretty ready to navigate the friends-with-benefits waters: I didn't want to date him, but I enjoyed his company, had practice negotiating sex with non-boyfriends, and was really enticed by the possibility of getting some with some degree of regularity. As time went by, it became increasingly clear that he was pretty startlingly anti-birth control, or at least anti-birth

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  • Should He Be Threatened by His Girlfriend's Gay Male Bedmate?


    Advice from three of Em & Lo's guy friends. This week a straight man asks, "A girl I am dating has a gay best friend. He is coming to stay with her for a few weeks and they are sharing the same bed. While I know he is definitely gay, it still makes me uncomfortable that she is sharing a bed with another man, gay or otherwise. Is this just me being insecure or should he be sleeping on the perfectly good couch?"


    jay_dyckmanjay_dyckmanGay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): What, you're worried he'll give her a perm? The only thing to worry about is that if he's gay he's probably in shape. Which means she'll notice muscles on his body she forgot the male anatomy was capable of. Which means she'll ask why your lazy ass can't make it to the gym every once in a while.




    tyler_barnett_100tyler_barnett_100Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): This is actually a very difficult question without one right answer. I don't think your girl's pal's sexual orientation is the issue. What seems to be the issue is that her friend is a dude. With a penis. And whether he is

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  • Your Call: When Should She Tell Men About Her Lesbian Past?


    We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below or joining the debate already in progress on EMandLO.com:

    Dear Em & Lo,

    When is it okay or advisable to share my lesbian past with a man I'm dating? I had a long-term, serious girlfriend when I was in school (a decade ago), and when men learn that I went to a women's college, they all inevitably ask me if I ever "questioned my sexuality." Some find the truth titillating or act like I'm their personal porn star (not always the greatest thing!) and some have found it intimidating or downright repellent - I've been dumped over this, if you can believe it.

    I've always felt that honesty is the best policy, so I don't want to lie, but I've also been told that a woman gets to have her secrets and that I don't have to necessarily share

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  • Redefining Foreplay in 5 Easy Steps

    Foreplay is not an obligatory two minutes of making out, it's not purely physical, it's not a routine that automatically earns you intercourse, it's not just for women, and it doesn't always have to be candle-lit (though florescent overhead lights are never seductive). The idea is to free foreplay it's traditionally narrow definition. Think of it more as seduction; it can take all day, if not days - or it can just take a look. Here are five examples of what foreplay can (and should) be:

    1 Slowing down time, cultivating the senses and setting a sex-conducive scene - think music, wine, a bubble bath, Chinese take-out on the best china - and yes, candles.

    2 Sharing a kinky secret over dinner (e.g., Did I ever tell you how much it turns me on when … )

    3 Giving a gift that makes you both blush.

    4
    Sending a text message at noon with explicit instructions for that evening (e.g., be home @ 7, b showered & naked on bed & I will [insert your own dirty promise].)

    5

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  • When She Just Doesn't Like Going Down

    We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below, or join the discussion already underway here:

    Dear Em & Lo,

    I hate going down on guys. Always have. I gag, I choke, I think it tastes gross. My boyfriend likes receiving oral, of course, and I want to make him happy, but I don't think I should have to force myself to do something I thoroughly don't enjoy just for his pleasure, especially when there are plenty of other things we can do - and do do - to get him (and myself) off. Am I being unreasonable? I wouldn't ask him to do something he really didn't want to do. And I can't help but think, If someone's got to make a sacrifice in this relationship, why can't it be him sacrificing his desire for BJs, since that won't result in him throwing up? (Btw, I enjoy receiving

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  • Tomboy vs. Girly Girl — Who Wins?


    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "Regarding the "guy's girl": Is a woman who'll shoot pool and pound a few brews automatically sexier than a girly girl?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.

    Straight Single Guy (Chris): Let's get this one straight once and for all. There is nothing sexier than a girl in a tight football jersey. There is nothing less sexy than a girl that knows more about the Giants than I do. Beer and sports in moderation please, but have a high tolerance for when we go overboard during the playoffs. Turducken anyone? It's the same for girly-girls. Everyone likes a girl to know how to dress, how to apply makeup, and how to act like a lady. And everyone hates the spoiled rotten fashionphile that doesn't know about anything other than name brands and celebrity gossip. Balance ladies, balance. Tight jersey on the weekends. A few beers and a few rounds of pool. Don't join the dart league or beat me at fantasy

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  • Top 10 Reasons Why Wednesdays Are the Best Night to Get Laid

    In a recent article for the New York Times, statistician Nate Silver hooked up with OkCupid's Nate Rudder to determine which day of the week is best to meet someone at a bar. They came up with something called the "sexual availability index,"and found that you're most likely to get laid on a Wednesday night. So here are our best guess at why Wednesday's the winner…

    1. The amateur drinkers and out-of-towners all stay home.
    2. There's no pressure to do brunch the next day (or even stay over) when it's a school night.
    3. Mid-week happy hour specials.
    4. People's standards are lower because a Wednesday one-night-stand doesn't count in the same way.
    5. You could go home…but do you really need to watch another episode of Mythbusters?
    6. Say you're on a so-so blind date on a Saturday night - there's so much more you could be doing. But on a Wednesday? Why not just go with the flow…
    7. People aren't expecting to get laid like they are on a Saturday night, so everyone's more
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  • 11 Ways to Talk Dirty Without Being Dirty


    A lot of people refuse to talk dirty because they are afraid of sounding stupid (see this week's Wise Guys about what NOT to say in bed). But you don't have to say things out of character, throw around more four-letter words than Gordon Ramsay, or speak in pornographic detail in order to verbally accessorize sex successfully. In fact, you don't have to use a single swear! Sure, that makes the dirty talk a little less dirty, but it's still effective-and with 57 percent less blushing! We never write down actual dirty talk on paper because something invariably gets lost in translation-out of context it does sound stupid. But we're breaking our rule to show you how painless it can be. Think of it as kinder, gentler dirty talk. It's all a bit cliche, but in the moment it works every time. So without further ado, here are the top mid-sesh lines for the lewdly challenged:

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  • What Guys DON'T Want to Hear in Bed



    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,"Is the word "penis" a buzz-killer during dirty talk? What other words/phrases should be avoided?"

    tyler_barnett_100tyler_barnett_100Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Penis penis penis penis penis! It's just such a funny word, isn't it? Penis! And laughter is not exactly the response most people are going for during dirty talk. Instead of saying "Your penis is so hard" try saying "You are so hard" We can usually figure out what you mean. Rather than saying "I want your penis inside of me" try saying "I want YOU inside of me."Basically substituting the word "you" for penis will always work. Let's face it, you already think we ARE our penises anyway. Here are some tips to keep sexy talk sexy:

    • "You make me so wet" is sexy. "You make me so moist" is disgusting. Never say this. Ever.
    • Saying my name in a soft sensual voice is hot! Saying your ex-boyfriends name is just not cool .
    • "Spank me!" can be a huge turn on if timed right.
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  • Our New Word for What Weiner Did: Chweeting!

    We're very proud of ourselves for coming up with this one over at EMandLO.com the other day: With the whole Weiner scandal going on, we were discussing how there's got to be something in between flirting and actual physical cheating. What Weiner did goes beyond mere flirting -- even though it didn't involve physical contact with anyone other than his wife, it did involve sexual antics with other women via social networking services and the telephone. So it's not full-blown, full-body-contact, STD-and-pregnancy-risking cheating, it's more like virtual or cyber cheating. But "virtual cheating" isn't catchy or fun to say and "cyber cheating" just sounds so lame and '90s. And that's when it struck us: Chweeting! Anthony Wiener is a chweeter! We did a quick search and the only instance of "chweeting" used in this context that we could find was in the title of a post from the now-defunct UK-based (we think) wordpress site Celebritards about a married, British TV host caught sexting someone

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