Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • I Dreamed I Strangled Ashton Kutcher

    Who HASN'T dreamed about strangling Ashton Kutcher?Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

    I had a nightmare last night: After a house party, two guys (who in the dream were my friends, though they don't exist in my life) held me down and cut off one of my testicles, laughing while they did it. I then woke up and tried to get to an ambulance, they were laughing and making jokes like I was a pansy for wanting help.

    I woke up and checked myself, and was fine. I went back to sleep and dreamed I was a robot with sentience created by a doctor as an experiment. In the dream I terrified people whenever they looked at me, and I ended up strangling Ashton Kutcher.

    Lauri: As cringe-worthy as they are, castration dreams are pretty common for the men-folk, I've learned. Why? Because

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  • My Husband Photoshopped My Nude Photos Without Asking

    A man and his laptopTo submit your own advice question to Em & Lo, click here.

    Dear Em & Lo,

    While on our honeymoon, we took advantage of a rainy day to stay lazily in our beautiful hotel room all day. We crossed a boundary we hadn't crossed before: nude photography! We'd been playing with the idea for a while, but I was a bit hesitant because I'm overweight and don't always like how I look in pictures, and it felt like a huge step. After the wedding though, I was feeling like a million dollars and told my husband I was ready to go ahead. We made that big legal commitment, I was ready for the emotional commitment of nudes as well.

    It was an incredibly sexy to be in front of my husband's lens, he checked in often with me to see if I was still comfortable, we talked ideas through before going ahead. I felt very safe and in control. We also agreed I could veto any photo I didn't like, and it would be immediately erased. We ended up with a set of pictures we both liked, and my husband was going to

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  • In Defense of Juan Pablo

    The Bachelor Juan PabloThe Bachelor Juan Pablo

    After spending all season ripping apart Juan Pablo for his sexist paternalism, his homophobia, his hypocrisy, and his all around smarminess, we're going to do something we never thought we'd do: defend him.

    Hear us out.

    When Andi, one of the women in Juan Pablo's final three, spoke up about the nightmarish reality of the fantasy suite, we commended her. She pulled back the curtain of the show to reveal what a sham it is. World travel, exotic locales, novel date activities, and heavy mood lighting do not a relationship make; they -- and the cameras -- don't create an environment to truly get to know someone intimately. Andi didn't realize this until she and Juan Pablo finally had a chance to be alone, away from the cameras, and truly be themselves. Previous Bachelors have been better at keeping up the charade in the camera-free fantasy suite, but not Juan Pablo -- his insensitivity and narcissism couldn't be contained. Andi saw his true colors and, for the first time in Bachelor

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  • Top 5 Love Lessons from the Bachelor Finale (Juan Pablo)

    The Final RoseThe Final Rose

    1. When your partner's family tells you he's rude, he makes his mama cry, he won't stick around when things get hard, he's not an easy guy, he's self-centered, he's a know-it-all, he's simple, he watches TV all day, and there will be lots of fighting, dump him.

    2. When your partner's dad is more affectionate, more complimentary, and quicker to say "I love you" than your partner, dump him.

    3. When someone says "I love you" don't respond with "Thank you" or a high-pitched, mildly frightened "Woooh!"

    4. Don't mention the possibility of having children together if you're not serious about the relationship. And don't mention a ring if you're not going to use it - it's not a damn dangling carrot!

    5. When someone uses the phrase "It is what it is" to describe their relationship with you, dump him. In fact, if someone you're dating uses the phrase "It is what it is" to describe anything, dump him.

    The moral of this season of "The Bachelor"? DON'T DATE JUAN PABLO!

    MORE LIKE THIS ON

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  • Your Love Life Horoscopes: 3-10-2014

    Grand Central ceilingEach week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes - ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.) This week, it's the haiku edition!

    aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)


    Open up your mouth


    And speak the truth of your heart.


    Easy on the tongue.

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)


    Move over, kick back,


    Just go along for the ride.


    Do not backseat drive.

    gemini (May 21st-June 21st)


    Friends keep their pants on.


    Friendship is overrated.


    Kiss first. Names later.

    cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)


    You want to get head,


    But if you have a big head,


    You won't get any.

    leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)


    Dinner and movies


    Are for uninspired shmo's.


    Think: bunjee jumping.

    virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)


    Like a monkey's butt


    Your mojo is big and red.


    People will notice.

    libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)


    Don't be a hermit.


    Go to your office drinks

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  • A Brief History of Love

    The book The book


    The new book Love Sense by clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson tries to take some of the mystery out of that big emotion. While that may not sound very romantic, Johnson is dedicated to the scientific exploration of love so that we may have better, more-fulfilling, more intimate long-term relationships -- especially in a world where independence, isolation and non-monogamy are growing more common. Her book offers real-life examples and practical exercises, based on the Emotionally Focused Therapy she developed in her own practice. Below is an excerpt from the first chapter, which outlines a brief history of love and why it still matters in the 21st century.

    "Love Sense" by Dr. Sue Johnson
    from Chapter 1

    My memories are full of the sounds and sights of love: The ache in my elderly grandmother's voice when she spoke of her husband, gone nearly fifty years. A railway signalman, he had courted her, a ladies' maid, for seven years on the one Sunday she had off each month. He died

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  • Dream Interpretation: My Girlfriend & I Had the Same Dream on the Same Night!

    car car
    Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week,EMandLO.com's dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri: So I had a dream I got in a car accident -- it was another guy driving and it was a smaller green car. And then I woke up. I got up, left my girlfriend sleeping, and went to lie on the couch. I'm sitting there and I hear crying coming from my room after an hour and a half. I run to the room to see that my girlfriend is still sleeping but crying, so I wake her up to see what's wrong and she tells me she lost me. She went on to explain what her dream was about: I had gotten into a car accident and by the time she got to the hospital, I had died! Her memory of this dream is similar: green car, guy driving and me dying! Can you help explain this to me?

    lauri_loewenberg_100Lauri: Two people can

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  • Top 5 Love Lessons from the Bachelor (Juan Pablo, the Women Tell All)

    Top 5 Love Lessons from the Bachelor (Juan Pablo, the Women Tell All)

    1. Ladies, never say you "think too much." Serious reflection, internal debate, philosophical pondering -- these are all good things in a woman, in a romantic partner, in a human being (even if they may seem surprising to Juan Pablo).
    2. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to non-exclusive relationships -- anyone you're dating should be made aware of the fact that you're seeing other people. That said, do so delicately and with restraint -- they don't need to hear the details of your other relationships or be made to feel like one of many.
    3. It takes a real narcissist to look back on past relationships (whether those relationships occurred simultaneously or not) and profess "no regrets." Really? Not a single, itty-bitty one? How about a little self reflection, humility and personal improvement by honestly admitting, even if it's just to yourself, how you could have been a better partner. We're sure you can think of something.
    4. The only way to deal with an ex who's been hurt by you is with
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  • Your Love Life Horoscopes: 03-03-14

    Grand Central starsGrand Central stars

    Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes - ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

    aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) Don't look now, but - hey, we said don't look! Geez, sometimes you're about as subtle as a sneeze in church. Anyway, as we were saying, just over there in the corner, someone has their eye on you. We think they might be about to make their move. Avoid staring them down or otherwise scaring them off (e. g. sudden jerky motions, dramatic lifestyle changes, a new haircut) and you should find yourself being seduced very soon.

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th) So maybe you've got a month of dirty laundry, sixty-four hours of unwatched Tivo television, and a stack of unpaid bills at home. But this is not the week to hide your light under a bushel (or a load of laundry). You've got it all going on: great hair week, clear skin, zero water retention - all that

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  • Everyone You’ve Ever Dated, by 2014 Oscar-Nominated Roles

    You've dated these Oscar nominees without knowing it.
    Did you get a weird sense of deja vu while Oscar-cramming all the movies before Sunday's big awards show? It's not just because you can chart your dating style based on the Oscar-nominated movies (as we explained earlier this week) - it's because this year's crop of best acting nominees, in the lead and supporting roles, somehow manage to represent the archetypes of every person you've ever dated. To wit…


    The One You Date for Their "Potential": Christian Bale, American Hustle

    On paper, these people are all wrong for you: Maybe they're already married, for example, or unemployed, or a con artist. But there's something charming about them - maybe it's their incongruous body confidence, or their tenderness toward stray animals or children - that takes you off guard, and convinces you that they have the ability to be a great person. While you hang around waiting for this person to change, you find yourself forgiving everything from premature hair loss to infidelity.

    The Bad

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