Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • Do Men Fake Orgasms?


    This week EMandLO.com's Wise Guys answer, quite diversely, the following: Do guys fake orgasms?

    Straight Single Guy (Colin): Of course! We probably don't faux the Big O as much as women do, but every now and then the circumstances might call for us to fake. If our endurance is flagging and she's begging us to finish, of course we might pull a Sally Albright so we can just go to sleep. Obviously it's a bit more difficult for us to fake a finish considering the visual evidence that comes with our climax, but if the lights are off (or we're experienced street performers in sleight of hand) we might try and pull a fast one on you if we have to. It's not you, it's us. Unless it happens more than once -- in which case you should check out the "Books by Us" section of this site.

    Straight Married Guy (Matt): I haven't heard many guys talk about faking an orgasm (I can't think of a single one, actually). Guys do sometimes talk about trying desperately to delay an orgasm with a new

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  • Dream Interpretation: I Had the Threeway My Boyfriend Wants in Real Life


    Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week, Em & Lo's dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

    Last night I had a dream about my current boyfriend of 6 months. He is 5 years older than me and equally more "experienced" than me, but we have an amazing sex life anyway. So here's the dream: He and I are having a threesome (which we've talked about, but I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable with actually happening), and he decides he wants to put it in the other girl, but she keeps refusing. He puts it in anyway and starts playing with her, and she quits resisting and starts to really enjoy it. Well, the whole time he's "doing" her he's looking right at me (as if he's teasing me), but neither of them are pleasing me or anything. While he's looking at me (and still pleasing her), I put my hand over his face and turn his head away and say, "Don't look at me." After that I

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  • Dear Em & Lo: Do My Kinky Fantasies Need Therapy?

    Dear Em & Lo,

    I have this really awesome, sensitive, caring, sweet, good-in-bed, blah blah blah boyfriend -- I wouldn't leave him for the world. I also have wild fantasies about being tied up, demeaned, beaten . . . you get the idea. Is this a problem? Maybe fantasies are not supposed to ever come to life? I have asked him to entertain them, just mildly, but his respect for women and his need for soul-defining sex makes bondage and S&M a no-go. Is there something wrong with me? Should I see a therapist or something?

    -- Gimpy

    Dear Gimpy,

    There are basically two camps of thought on this: A) Your fantasy life reflects past experiences, obsessions, and/or deep-seated issues -- if the fantasies tend toward the dark, disturbing, and/or chronic, that can indicate personal problems which should be dealt with. And B) Fantasies are an outlet for your imagination and sexual tension that don't automatically reflect past trauma or things you want to do in real life. We tend

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  • If I Was Drunk When I Said "I Do," Is It Legal?

    Our friend Robin Epstein and her sister Amy Epstein Feldman just wrote a hilarious (not to mention helpful) book called So Sue Me, Jackass! Avoiding Legal Pitfalls That Can Come Back to Bite You at Work, at Home, and at Play. Last week we published an excerpt that answered the age-old question, Can you get sued if you break someone's penis during sex? This week we'll learn about quickie Vegas marriages (listen up Britney).

    Q: What if, drunk and in Vegas, my boyfriend and I accidentally say "I do" before we come to our senses and realize we're doing? Shouldn't that be counted as "temporary insanity" and therefore not legal?

    A: Well, villagers in India shooed a groom away from his own wedding because they determined that he was too drunk to get married. While many Americans may now be wondering where those villagers were on their wedding day, it raises an interesting question: under the law, are you considered incompetent to marry if you are drunk at the time of your vows and if so, is your marriage void?

    Ha! Nice try.

    While state laws differ, many do prevent people who are visibly intoxicated from getting a marriage license. Once the vows are said, a person may later claim that the marriage was voidable because of incompetence. But in most states the Britney Spears fifty-five-hour marriage of the I got drunk last night and did what, now? variety is not automatically void. You still need a divorce or annulment to end the marriage. If you thought you needed a drink before you said "I do" - imagine what it will take to say "Uh, on second thought . . ."

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  • 10 Rules of the Pickup

    It's not easy to be yourself when attempting a pick-up. But the more out-of-character you try to be, the worse it's going to go. The goal is to get someone to like you for you. That said, certain things should never be said or done during a pick-up, no matter how "naturally" they come to you:

      1. If you send someone a drink, don't take their acceptance to mean they want to sleep with you, or even talk to you.
      2. Never attempt to pick up your doctor/patient, professor/student (at least while class is in session), boss/underling, Zumba instructor, intimate waxer, or fellow funeral attendee.
      3. Do not wordlessly dry-hump a stranger from behind on the dance floor (ladies, you too).
      4. Talk about more than the weather. Safe topics include: your current location, your neighborhood, some inane law your mayor recently passed, your occupations, their darts skills, Lolcats, HBO, and Twitter etiquette. Avoid: astrology, college majors, exes, reproductive rights legislation, infidelity, and children.
      5. Never request contact information merely to score the most digits that night; the pick-up is not merely a numbers game. Inquire only if truly interested.More...
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  • Em & Lo's Wise Guys: Why Do Men Cat-Call?

    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week, they answer the following: Why do men cat-call? (To ask the guys your own question, click here.)

    Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Oh boy, where did I just see a link to a TV clip of a woman walking up to men who cat-called her and asked them why? (You can answer in comments if you've got the link.) Anyway, the men all acted completely embarrassed when put on the spot about it. Which, I think, actually says a lot about why men do it: not because they're actually interested in the women they cat-call. Instead (based, I'm embarrassed to say, on my own behavior as a construction worker in my teens and twenties) it's about a) letting other men you're with know you're straight - dumb, I know but there you go - and maybe calling on other men to confirm they're straight too, b) bonding with other men through "bravery" - even dumber, I know, but again there you go, and c) attempting to compliment women you find attractive but (and this goes back to item B) you're pretty sure wouldn't actually be interested in you.

    Feminist analysis would probably add other things like keeping women in their places, telling women they're valued only for their sexiness, etc. But I think those are only side effects of what's really mostly male-to-male communication. Which is why I think men are embarrassed and even shocked when a woman they've cat-called tries to start a conversation. Final bit of evidence: at least in my experience, most men don't (or at least didn't) cat-call women they think they might actually have a chance of asking out later.

    Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Men cat-call because some atavistic impulse leads us to believe that it might get us sex. Any time a man cat-calls at you, a part of him he isn't aware of in any meaningful way is really hoping you'll immediately stop whatever you're doing, come over, knock him down, and have your way with him. It's like a mating ritual. Please understand that I'm not saying any man thinks this is actually going to happen (though there's always Dimitri the Lover, so who knows). This is all happening below the level of consciousness.

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  • Dream Interpretation: Kissing Cousins and Mystery Undies

    Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week, EMandLO.com's dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. (Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it.) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

    I've been in a relationship with a great guy for few months, and I'm really happy. Last night, however, I went to bed somewhat annoyed at my boyfriend for being uncharacteristically distracted when I was trying to tell him about the bad day I'd had.

    Then I had a dream that I hooked up with my cousin, who in real life is the closest thing I have to a brother. In the dream, things got pretty steamy, and we both knew we had to keep it a secret, so we were hiding. Suddenly, another one of my male cousins (one with whom I'm not close) walked in on us, and caught us in flagrante delicto. Ashamed, I pulled back from my kissing cousin and saw that I was holding two pairs of panties in my hand. I was puzzled by this, as I knew one pair to be the one I'd been wearing, but I had no idea where the other one came from. What does this all mean?

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  • How to Split the Bill in 7 Easy Steps

    Dates may be cheap but they ain't never free. So who coughs up?

    1. Whoever did the asking pays for the date. This is 2009, people, it's so last century to assume the man always gets it.
    2. However, if you've been asked out, you should always assume you'll be going dutch to avoid disappointment. Bring cash so you don't end up washing dishes.
    3. When the check comes, the one who was asked out should offer to go halvsies - and try to sound like you mean it.
    4. If you end up sharing the bill, split it evenly, even if one of you got lobster. Exact breakdowns are for roomies, siblings, and other people with no plans to get naked.
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  • Dream Interpretation: My Fiance Keeps Sleeping with My Friend

    Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week on EMandLO.com, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

    I have a little jealousy problem when it comes to my fiance because I know that I'm not perfect in bed. Also, I continue to have a dream that my fiance is cheating on me with my friend and we get into a fight and he defends her and tells me to leave him alone and never talk to him ever again.

    Lauri: Not surprisingly, your insecurities about your performance in the sack are very likely the main trigger for these dreams. Our dreams will often cast us in a worst-case scenario, co-starring with our biggest fears, so that we can safely rehearse in our heads in case such a situation should arise in waking life.

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  • Why Do I Laugh Before I Orgasm?

    To submit your own advice question to Em & Lo, click here. To browse the archives of Em & Lo's advice questions, click here.

    Dear Em & Lo,

    I have this little problem that I have no idea what to do about. It seems that every time I get close to climaxing when having oral sex or fingering I can't help but to laugh. Every time I feel like I am getting close I push away and start busting out laughing. I know it bothers my boyfriend and I don't want him to think it's something to do with him, because it's not. It feels good, and I try to hold out as long as I can, but I can't help but to laugh. I'd love to get some advice before I hurt my boyfriend's feelings. Thank you!

    - Funny Boner

    Dear F.B.,

    This sounds to us like a classic case of nervous laughter. You know, like when your teacher is reprimanding you for passing a note in class and suddenly you're overcome with a case of the giggles. Or your dad is lecturing you on the importance of taking your curfew seriously in order to establish mutual trust, and you can't help cracking up. In a tense situation, your body wants some kind of outlet, and sometimes it chooses a completely inappropriate one.

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