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  • Top 6 Casual Sex Bloopers

    Actually, the term we prefer is "play d'oh!" (exclamation mark optional). A few of our favorites:

    1. Bleating "I love you" on a one-night stand, right as you climax.
    2. Crying right after you climax (especially common after ex sex).
    3. Accidentally drunk-dialing your boss's cellphone instead of your ex's - and tuning out during the recorded message so you end up leaving your boss a voicemail to remember.
    4. Wearing that pair of undies with the skid mark because you're "only stopping by the bar for one quick drink," and ending up in bed with a beautiful stranger.
    5. Forgetting someone's name at the exact moment they moan, "Say my name."
    6. Wiping so thoroughly right before a hook-up that you leave a teeny wad of TP wedged between your cheeks.

    Learn how to avoid making your own play d'ohs in our book Rec Sex: An A-Z Guide to Hooking Up.


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  • There Are Guys Out There Who -- Get This! -- Do Not Like Oral Attention

    Dear Em & Lo,

    I'm a guy and I hate receiving oral. Maybe it's because I had a few too many bad teeth experiences or I'm just a little too sensitive down there, but when a girl starts kissing me all the way down, I grit my teeth and prepare for the worst. It's finally to the point where I simply flat-out tell the woman whose head is drifting that way to save the energy for other things. The only problem is, now I'm in a committed relationship and my girlfriend feels like it's her fault I don't like it, which is entirely untrue. She says she feels guilty when I go down on her and she can't get me off in return. I've been very clear about it but occasionally she will try to surprise me with a "gift", and I don't have the heart to tell her no, even though it usually ends up leaving my johnson useless and uncomfortable without any of the pleasure I'm sure other guys get from it. How can I keep her from going down on me? And please don't tell me to count my blessings because every guy

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  • Em & Lo's Wise Guys: What's the Deal with Blue Balls?

    Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "What do blue-balls feel like... is it really that painful, or that big a deal? Are blue balls even a real physical phenomenon?"

    Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Blue balls are the testicular equivalent of a migraine headache. They are very real and can be very painful: pressure builds up due to sexual excitement from direct stimulation and has nowhere to go. Imagine having to sneeze, getting right to the second before and holding it for 15 minutes. Now, to be clear, I'm referring to situations where sexual activity has already begun (i.e. ----- s, oral, whatever) and then stopped in the middle for some reason. Mere kissing doesn't cause blue balls, and those guys who claim otherwise are probably pigs. (To suggest a romantic situation that starts with kissing HAS to end with an orgasm is not only absurd, it's borderline abusive.) But in those situations where physical contact with the johnson has been

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  • The Top 100 Breakup Songs of All Time (?)

    This is the first of a series of posts we'll be doing on the best breakup songs of all time. The below 100 was originally published in our book BUH BYE: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Being Dumped (which was called "hilarious and fantastic" by our one Amazon reviewer). Naturally, we like this indie-leaning list, but want to know which essential songs you think are missing, which fall in the top 10, and which, if any, you would definitely not include. Unleash your wrath here.

    1 "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" - Paul Simon
    2 "Absolutely Zero" - Jason Mraz
    3 "Against All Odds" - Phil Collins or The Postal Service version
    4 "All Alone Am I" - Brenda Lee
    5 "All By Myself" - Eric Carmen (definitely not the Celine Dion version; the Bridget Jones version works, but only with the visual)
    6 "All My Ex's Live in Texas" - George Strait
    7 "Alone Again (Naturally)" - Gilbert O'Sullivan
    8 "Another Lonely Day" - Ben Harper
    9 "Apart" - The Cure

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  • 5 Types to Avoid in Relationships

    Last week we told you about 5 Types to Avoid in Bed; here we present 5 types to avoid going steady with...

    1. The Umfriend: Someone who always introduces you as an acquaintance of nebulous status, as in, "This is" Your companion may suddenly downgrade you from new girlfriend/boyfriend status to an umfriend when they unexpectedly bump into a recent ex who is either heartbroken-slash-psycho or someone your companion would like to get back together with (sorry, sucker).
    2. The Method Dater: Someone who adopts your personality traits and beliefs, in the process losing their sense of self. It might seem flattering at first, until they morph like a chameleon into a less convincing version of you, reminding you of everything you hate about yourself.
    3. The Serial Dater: Someone who tries on relationships like new outfits and handles breakups with eclat, occasionally shedding a single tear if it seems right. They like their monogamy in brief, intense
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  • What If You're Not Down with Your Boyfriend's Porn Consumption?

    There's been a bit of a debate going on at about whether porn is good for you or bad for you. We also got two questions recently from ladies disturbed by their partners' porn consumption. So we "remixed" our Wise Guys' thoughts on the topic with some of our own to come up with the following advice:

    Dear Em & Lo, I just learned my amazing college boyfriend uses porn to masturbate, at least twice a week. Understand, we're not talking an unhealthy dependency on porn, and he remains very focused on me when we have sex. He says it's just an old habit from high school. I consider myself very tolerant, and I am aware that most guys indulge in this kind of thing. However, I can't understand why he needs the help of a girl he's never met to satisfy himself. I realize there is high quality porn available that helps empower women, but that's not the sort he described to me as his preference. I just can't understand the appeal of what he's watching. To a degree, I almost feel

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  • How Should a Woman Pick Up a Man in a Bar?

    Advice from three of Em & Lo's guy friends. This week they answer the following: What are the best ways for a woman to pick up a man in a bar?

    Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Well, what kind of bar is it? If it's a sports bar, talk about the game of course! I'm going out on a limb here as a queer man, but most straight men lurve women who are into sports. And why is that? Because it's a pleasant surprise that keeps giving pleasure. Imagine meeting someone attractive that happens to share an interest with you that you can talk almost endlessly about. Wouldn't your heart just melt if you met a genuinely straight guy who loved shopping for clothes and talking about it? It's the same kind of surprise and euphoria for a woman and sports! But outside of the sports bar, I know the absolute best way: walk up to the man and offer to buy him a drink. Why is this frakkin' brilliant? 1) Totally unexpected; 2) Demonstrates both a cleverness and a sense of humor; 3) Shows independence and

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  • 5 Types to Avoid in Bed

    1. The F--- simile: Someone you sleep with simply because they remind you of (or are as close as you'll ever get to) someone you really want to sleep with. Little lambs, this will only lead to heartbreak.
    2. The Donna: Someone who acts as if a roll in the hay with them were season-finale material, a la Donna from 90210. This is primarily, though not exclusively, a female affliction. A Donna will dangle sex like a carrot, and then expect to be awarded generously once they let you nibble on that carrot, as it were. A Donna, left unchecked, may blossom into a gold-digger.
    3. The Retrosexual: A person who has sex like they are living in the '50s. Unlike funky old martini-maker sets and Elvis (the young version), retrosexuals are not cool. They make at least one of the following assumptions: Men always pay for the date; sex before marriage is a sin,(unless you're a man); women don't enjoy sex (or don't need to); a clitoral orgasm is a poor man's vaginal orgasm (a la Freud);
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  • I Cheated and Can't Stop Thinking About Him -- Should I Dump My BF?

    Dear Em & Lo,

    I am 23 years old and Aiden, my boyfriend of four years, and I are currently four months into a long-distance relationship until I graduate from my university this summer and move across the country to be with him. I recently connected with John, a guy that I was seeing five years ago. Back then, John and I never went any farther than making out and never dated since he graduated from our university soon after we met. We reconnected and I am really into him. I spend more time talking to John than Aiden and we have a lot of things in common. One night and several drinks later John and I ended up making out. I have never cheated on my boyfriend before, but instead of feeling guilty about cheating on him, weeks later I can't seem to get John off of my mind. I've been in two long term relationships since I was 15 (the first boyfriend was for 3 years) and I haven't been single for more than a few months since the time I've been allowed to date. Aiden wants to propose and I'm not ready for it, but I don't know how to tell him this without hurting him. Overall, he is everything I want in a man but he doesn't know how to satisfy me sexually anymore and has gotten really lazy in the bed room despite the fact that I tell him about this a lot. I also feel really inexperienced because I've only been with two guys my entire life. How do I know my current fling with John isn't just lust? Do I just have expiration dates on guys of about three to four years? How do you know if you should end a long relationship to move on?

    - Torn

    Dear Torn,

    Let's just review:

    • You're 23.
    • You're in college.
    • You're in a long-distance relationship while you're 23 and in college.
    • You feel like being with only two people makes you "inexperienced."
    • You've never really been single.
    • Your boyfriend, who we're assuming is also in his early 20s, has gotten lazy about sex?!?
    • You cheated and can't stop thinking about the other guy.

    This is an easy one: it's time to break up (or at least take a break). You've got a lot of living to do and you certainly aren't ready to get married. We're not suggesting that there's something inherently wrong with getting married young or with only being sexually intimate with two people - for some people, that works. But if the tone of your email is any indication, it's not going to work for you…

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  • Do Men Ever Choose Self-Love Over the Real Thing?

    Advice from three of's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "Do guys ever choose masturbation over sex with a girlfriend? If so, why?"

    Straight Married Guy (Ben): Sure. Plenty of times. Sometimes my wife isn't around and I don't really feel like waiting. Or sometimes she is around but really tired, or stressed, or pissed off at me. Sometimes, she wants to watch me do myself. Sometimes, I have a fantasy I've been working on and having another body with me would actually be a little, um, distracting. Sometimes, I just want to look at porn. Basically, I have lots of different moods and I find myself in all different types of situations and masturbation is just one tool I can use to be sexually expressive. It's a good tool. I like it.

    Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Ever? Sure, nothing wrong with that, or with a woman making the same choice. It also depends on one's definition of "sex" - I don't think I need to remind anyone reading this column that there are plenty of ways to get off besides penetration. But given the opportunity, whatever form the sex might take, I'd say it's a rare guy who prefers to go it alone. So if we're talking mutual masturbation with a partner: cool. But if he's having a wank in the bathroom every night before hitting the hay, leaving his lady lacking: uncool.

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