Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • How Should a Woman Pick Up a Man in a Bar?

    Advice from three of Em & Lo's guy friends. This week they answer the following: What are the best ways for a woman to pick up a man in a bar?

    Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Well, what kind of bar is it? If it's a sports bar, talk about the game of course! I'm going out on a limb here as a queer man, but most straight men lurve women who are into sports. And why is that? Because it's a pleasant surprise that keeps giving pleasure. Imagine meeting someone attractive that happens to share an interest with you that you can talk almost endlessly about. Wouldn't your heart just melt if you met a genuinely straight guy who loved shopping for clothes and talking about it? It's the same kind of surprise and euphoria for a woman and sports! But outside of the sports bar, I know the absolute best way: walk up to the man and offer to buy him a drink. Why is this frakkin' brilliant? 1) Totally unexpected; 2) Demonstrates both a cleverness and a sense of humor; 3) Shows independence and

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  • 5 Types to Avoid in Bed


    1. The F--- simile: Someone you sleep with simply because they remind you of (or are as close as you'll ever get to) someone you really want to sleep with. Little lambs, this will only lead to heartbreak.
    2. The Donna: Someone who acts as if a roll in the hay with them were season-finale material, a la Donna from 90210. This is primarily, though not exclusively, a female affliction. A Donna will dangle sex like a carrot, and then expect to be awarded generously once they let you nibble on that carrot, as it were. A Donna, left unchecked, may blossom into a gold-digger.
    3. The Retrosexual: A person who has sex like they are living in the '50s. Unlike funky old martini-maker sets and Elvis (the young version), retrosexuals are not cool. They make at least one of the following assumptions: Men always pay for the date; sex before marriage is a sin,(unless you're a man); women don't enjoy sex (or don't need to); a clitoral orgasm is a poor man's vaginal orgasm (a la Freud);
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  • I Cheated and Can't Stop Thinking About Him -- Should I Dump My BF?


    Dear Em & Lo,

    I am 23 years old and Aiden, my boyfriend of four years, and I are currently four months into a long-distance relationship until I graduate from my university this summer and move across the country to be with him. I recently connected with John, a guy that I was seeing five years ago. Back then, John and I never went any farther than making out and never dated since he graduated from our university soon after we met. We reconnected and I am really into him. I spend more time talking to John than Aiden and we have a lot of things in common. One night and several drinks later John and I ended up making out. I have never cheated on my boyfriend before, but instead of feeling guilty about cheating on him, weeks later I can't seem to get John off of my mind. I've been in two long term relationships since I was 15 (the first boyfriend was for 3 years) and I haven't been single for more than a few months since the time I've been allowed to date. Aiden wants to propose and I'm not ready for it, but I don't know how to tell him this without hurting him. Overall, he is everything I want in a man but he doesn't know how to satisfy me sexually anymore and has gotten really lazy in the bed room despite the fact that I tell him about this a lot. I also feel really inexperienced because I've only been with two guys my entire life. How do I know my current fling with John isn't just lust? Do I just have expiration dates on guys of about three to four years? How do you know if you should end a long relationship to move on?

    - Torn

    Dear Torn,

    Let's just review:

    • You're 23.
    • You're in college.
    • You're in a long-distance relationship while you're 23 and in college.
    • You feel like being with only two people makes you "inexperienced."
    • You've never really been single.
    • Your boyfriend, who we're assuming is also in his early 20s, has gotten lazy about sex?!?
    • You cheated and can't stop thinking about the other guy.

    This is an easy one: it's time to break up (or at least take a break). You've got a lot of living to do and you certainly aren't ready to get married. We're not suggesting that there's something inherently wrong with getting married young or with only being sexually intimate with two people - for some people, that works. But if the tone of your email is any indication, it's not going to work for you…

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  • Do Men Ever Choose Self-Love Over the Real Thing?


    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "Do guys ever choose masturbation over sex with a girlfriend? If so, why?"

    Straight Married Guy (Ben): Sure. Plenty of times. Sometimes my wife isn't around and I don't really feel like waiting. Or sometimes she is around but really tired, or stressed, or pissed off at me. Sometimes, she wants to watch me do myself. Sometimes, I have a fantasy I've been working on and having another body with me would actually be a little, um, distracting. Sometimes, I just want to look at porn. Basically, I have lots of different moods and I find myself in all different types of situations and masturbation is just one tool I can use to be sexually expressive. It's a good tool. I like it.

    Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Ever? Sure, nothing wrong with that, or with a woman making the same choice. It also depends on one's definition of "sex" - I don't think I need to remind anyone reading this column that there are plenty of ways to get off besides penetration. But given the opportunity, whatever form the sex might take, I'd say it's a rare guy who prefers to go it alone. So if we're talking mutual masturbation with a partner: cool. But if he's having a wank in the bathroom every night before hitting the hay, leaving his lady lacking: uncool.

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  • We feel just
    awful that we can't answer every single advice question we get at EMandLO.com, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, every now and then, we let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Share your advice to this reader's dilemma in the comment section below:

    Dear Em & Lo,
    Two months ago I met a man online, we went out on a first date and hit it off immediately. We saw each other a few days later, and had sex after that date. We continued to see each other over the course of the month two or three times a week. He then went away on vacation. Upon his return we made plans to see each other, but he had to cancel because of a work issue, which also took him on a long business trip. He returned recently and contacted me, however we haven't been able to see each other because he broke his foot. He's stated that he likes spending time with me, but he's in an incredible amount of pain. But he's maintained a level of silence, by only

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  • Dream Interpretation: My Cheating Fiance’s in the Driver’s Seat


    Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week, EMandLO.com's dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a woman asks Lauri:

    In real life, my fiancé and I have been together for about a year and a half. Our relationship has always been long distance. We recently had a very huge fight over him cheating on me and it ended up with us together again. Here's my dream: we're both in a car, me in the back and him driving. Were on a familiar road near my house that is usually busy but there is no one around. The car is just sitting in the middle of the road and he's looking back at me through the rear view mirror. He keeps asking me if I'm ready to lose my virginity. I couldn't hear myself answer but I kept on mouthing what I was trying to say. No matter what, he would always answer "You have to wait" and then stop looking at me and focus on the road.

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  • Em & Lo's Sex and Love Horoscopes

    For the week of June 22nd...

    aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
    Keep yourself busy this week. And we don't mean by re-organizing your sock drawer or making it a Blockbuster Night. Go out on the town, wine, dine, take in the sights, absorb some local culture, flirt, shake your groove thang, sing karaoke, make out in dark corners. You're much hotter when you're cooking something up than when you just order in.

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
    Whenever you're feeling particularly broke, you can head over to your gourmet grocery store and nosh on all their free samples. Not only can you fill up on tasty snacks, but you avoid splashing out on some of the supermarket's less successful culinary experiments. This week, let friendship be your equivalent of trying before buying. Get to know someone before putting your heart on the line. Otherwise, it could end up mashed in the blender like the unfortunate pureed pea dip you sampled last week.

    gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
    The

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  • Dear Em & Lo: My New Boyfriend Doesn't, Er, Measure Up

    To ask Em & Lo your own advice question, click here.

    Dear Em & Lo,
    About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I'm really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that's been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can't good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve..
    -Sizeist

    Dear Sizeist,

    We almost didn't print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It's the secret fear that everyone - male and female - experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

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  • Em & Lo's Wise Guys: What’s a Guy-Friendly Date?


    Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: What is a guy-friendly date? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

    Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Seriously? Anything that doesn't involve talking about feelings.

    Straight Married Guy (Fred): If he's into you, anything is a guy-friendly date. Okay, maybe not ballroom dancing for a football guy. But then again, with ballroom dancing, he gets to put his hands all over you, so that could still be good. Watching "Dancing With The Stars," that would be unfriendly to guys (note to wife). To make a date really enjoyable for guys, food and sex is really all it takes, but let's just focus on the entertainment portion of the evening. One of my favorite dates was driving mini-race cars. Another was going to Coney Island in NY. Another was when my car broke down and we had to wait for hours in the closest bar for the tow truck. I would guess sporting events would be an enjoyable date for most guys, but I'm not a sports guy so that wouldn't work for me. I know a man who's into vintage hot rods and floral arranging (I did not make that up), so it's difficult to narrow in on what will please guys in general. Everyone's different. But again, if he's into you, you are the main attraction.

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  • Dream Interpretation: I Kissed a Shirtless Guy in the Rain


    Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Today, EMandLO.com's dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what her dirty dream means. She asks Lauri:

    I'm driving by the park in the town where I live. It's very hot and humid and it starts to rain (a lot). I notice the guy I like (and have asked out with a response of yes, but due to work we couldn't go out) running shirtless on the sidewalk, dripping in sweat and rain. As I pull over to let him in out of the rain, I notice how ripped he is. On the way to his house we stop on a side road and he looks at me, says "hi," and we lean into each other and start making out in my truck in the rain.

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