Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

  • 10 Sexy Things to Be Thankful for This Thanksgiving

    Jump for joy!Whether you're married, dating, single and loving it, or desperately seeking some lovin', here are ten sexy things you can give thanks for this Thanksgiving. Consider this your holiday gratitude journal - except we already wrote it for you… one more thing to be thankful for. You're welcome!

    1. The Sex Toy Revolution

    Once upon a time, sex toys were cheap nasty plastic things designed "for novelty use" only, and about as likely to get you off as a Geraldo Riviera topless selfie. These days, sex toy shoppers can choose from a huge variety of well-designed, well-made, gorgeous toys that are good for your body, good for the environment, and fantastic for your sex life. Don't forget to tell Santa that you plan to be naughty and nice.

    2. Sex Advice Wants to Be Free!

    Back when sex toys were cheap nasty plastic things, sex advice columnists were a rare breed and most of the sex advice out there was the watered-down kind that advertisers in glossy magazines could stomach. These days, the web is

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  • Dream Interpretation: I Dreamed My Crush was Under Anesthesia

    Operating Room Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it.

    I had a dream about a coworker that I have a crush on - we both work in the O.R. I am sure of two things: 1. He doesn't know I like him, and 2. He is WAY out of my league.


    I had a dream that he was on the table and under anesthesia. Everyone just walked out of the room and I was left standing there alone and very upset about his condition. His head was turned very far to the right, which made the intubation that much more obvious. I was crying and rubbing his neck, and saying over and over again, "You have to be ok. You can't do this. You have to be ok." Once I said, "You have to come back to me." I actually woke up crying a little from this.

    Lauri: As upsetting as this dream was for you, I believe it is trying to help you manage your emotions in

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  • Get Mortified: How to Celebrate Your Awkward Teen Years

    Get MortifiedOne of the most moving moments in the new documentary Mortified Nation - based on the popular and hilarious Mortified live show that has been staged across the country - is when a participant talks about how teens just want to be heard. They don't necessarily need to feelunderstood - especially by adults - but they do want to know that someone's listening. And performing in a Mortified show, this participant said, is a way to make people listen, albeit decades on. And, as the documentary notes, it's still worth doing, because that awkward angsty insecure egomaniac sex-obsessed zit-ridden teen is still essentially you.

    The best parts of this documentary are the live performances filmed at various Mortified shows: adult participants read aloud from old diaries or poems or song lyrics or letters in front of a live audience. If you've never been to a live Mortified show - and you really should - this documentary is the next best thing. One of the reasons why these shows are so

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  • Your Weekly Horoscopes for Your Love Life

    Grand Central starsEach week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes - ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

    aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)


    You are the driver. You are the lead in the show. You are the forward. You are the offense. You are the director. You are the captain. You are the reigning champion. You are the head of the department. You are the principal. You are the CEO. You are the boss. You are the bomb. You are the ball. So be it this week.

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)


    When we say "get back in the saddle," we don't mean the one on that mangy old horse that's been grazing in your paddock for years. You deserve a brand-new pony with a shiny new saddle. But until that pony shows up, show a little restraint, cowboy.

    gemini (May 21st-June 21st)


    You must fulfill your need to enjoy a lustful and passionate encounter. Otherwise, you'll find it hard to concentrate this

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  • Should I Stay with a Cheat for My Newborn Baby?

    Duck familyDear Em & Lo,

    I am engaged to the father of my child. Since I met him, it has been one problem after another. He has brought debt into my life; there is a rumor that goes around that he is sleeping with my co-workers; I just found out that any time he goes on a trip, he sleeps around; and he is still in communication with his ex-girfriend, though he claims he has not spoken to the girl for a long time. What surprises me is that he lies so much. I would love to break the engagement, but am feeling sorry for my six-months-old baby. I am confused - I have tried to forgive, but I can never trust him again. Will things work out?

    - Love Wears Blinders

    Dear L.W.B.,

    Oh, we hate the hard ones!

    If we were a Magic Eight Ball, we would answer your question, "Will things work out?" with the succinct: "Outlook not so good," or "My sources say no," or "Don't count on it." Actually, screw that - the Magic Eight Ball is not nearly blunt enough. Here's our short answer: Get out now.

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  • What Your Horoscope Thinks You Should Be for Halloween

    Dog costumes

    This week, we at EMandLO.com have interpreted the stars' divine advice as it pertains to Halloween costume choice - ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

    aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
    You'll be on fire this week, adding spice to everything you touch.Costume: Hot sauce.

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
    You need to be more social in order to find love. Costume: Julie McCoy from "The Love Boat" (complete with wig).

    gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
    You're unsure of your romantic feelings this week - don't make any solid commitments. Costume: Low-resolution, pixelated image.

    cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
    Keeping secrets is no way to kick off (or maintain) a relationship.Costume: An open book.

    leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
    You really like to move your body - use it to your advantage this week.Costume: Miley Cyrus at the VMAs.

    virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
    You're really quite awkward - use it to your advantage this week.

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  • Our Favorite #MensRightsMovies on Twitter This Week

    Twitter birdEvery now and then, a hashtag comes along that renews our faith in the Twitterverse. The latest, #MensRightsMovies, cracked us up. Who knew so many people out there are thinking about equality and feminism this early in the day on a random Tuesday in October? Yay, Internets! Thanks to @jaythenerdkid for kicking off the meme. Here is a list of our favorites so far...

    jay, lawful evil ‏@jaythenerdkid
    Lord of the Friendzone: Fellowship of the Nice Guys #mensrightsmovies

    Drew Bowie ‏@Drew_Bowie
    Girl, Interrupted By A Man Who Knows Better #mensrightsmovies

    Drew Bowie ‏@Drew_Bowie
    I'll tell you What Women Want #mensrightsmovies

    Karen Pickering ‏@ThatPickering
    You've Got Male Privilege #mensrightsmovies

    a rad ƒïεnd ‏@ardvarc
    Belittle Women #mensrightsmovies

    Karen Pickering ‏@ThatPickering
    I'm Afraid of Virginia Woolf #mensrightsmovies

    Destroy Him My Robot ‏@r4v5
    Negging Sarah Marshall #mensrightsmovies

    Arturo R. Garcia ‏@aboynamedart
    My Dinner With Misandry

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  • When Your Husband Is Not a Man

    Amy Bronwen Zemser, just launched her new, provocative mommy blog AmyBronwenZemser.com . At EMandLO.com, we had the honor of publishing an abridged version of one of her recent hilarious posts about coming out, homophobia, and cases of mistaken sexual identity (read the unabridged version here). Enjoy!

    ***

    I'll tell you a secret.

    I still have some internalized homophobia. So I get squeamish when I have to come out.

    I don't have to come out very often, but the situation does arise if I have to, say, switch ophthalmologists. Or if my son Ray wants to play with a child whose parents I do not know. Just recently, after I told the mother of a child in Ray's Suzuki violin class that I was one of two moms, she looked at me with a completely straight face and said, "There was a girl in my daughter's class who had that."

    Had what? The malaise of homosexuality? The disfiguring disease of conjoined motherhood?

    Once, when I was adjuncting at St. John's university, the topic of homosexuality came up.

    "I
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  • Your Weekly Love Life Horoscopes: 10-15-13

    Grand Central stars

    Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes - ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

    aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
    It's a common human trait to expect life to be good and to be easy. It's a common human reality that life is often not these things: the sex is bad, or non-existent, and it rarely shows up on your doorstep with no strings attached. But you can help yourself by being proactive, getting off your butt and searching for what it is you want instead of waiting for it to come to you. It's like those people who always say they're bored - the only one responsible for their boredom is themselves.

    taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
    Things to avoid this week: turkey burgers, phallic-shaped fruit, sex with delivery people, tartar-control toothpaste and crack. Things to pursue: love, love, love! Need we say more?

    gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
    You're peppier

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  • Top 10 Timely Halloween Costumes for Couples

    Lo and her guy, two years agoIt's less than three weeks to Halloween, which means that if you plan on doing something more elaborate than throwing a sheet over your head and saying BOO! a lot, you better get your act together soon. So, with that in mind, here are our top ten ideas for timely Halloween costumes for couples. We make no promises that every costume below will kink up your sex life, but you'll certainly have fun trying):

    1. Walt and Jesse from Breaking Bad, in their haz-mat suits and gas masks. (Definitely keep the masks on for sex!)
    2. So you prefer a little teasing and torture, BDSM-style? Then one of you is Jesse in handcuffs and the other is Todd, serving Jesse ice cream (it doesn't have to be Americone Dream, but it can't be vanilla, geddit?).
    3. Last Breaking Bad costume, we swear!: For retro appeal, one of you is Walter White in his grubby, baggy tighty-whities, and the other is a pregnant though emotionally underdeveloped Skylar.
    4. One of you is Justin Bieber in low-slung boxer-briefs, and the
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