Blog Posts by Smitten, Glamour Magazine

  • Breaking Up Isn't Actually that Hard to Do--at Least for Women, Anyway

    by Gena Kaufman

    Courtesy HBOCourtesy HBOStereotypes you might have heard about women: We can't make up our minds, we need to discuss all our feelings with our friends for endless amounts of time before making decisions, we're overthinkers. Oh, wait, it turns out that's men!

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    Or at least, based on a new survey, there's at least one area of life where women are the sex who make confident, split-second decisions--and no, it's not some other silly stereotype like "while shoe shopping." It's breakups. OK, OK, we're not making the decision in an actual second, and it's definitely not always an easy decision, but we are doing it a lot more quickly than men. According to a poll, women take an average of six days to decide to break up with their partners, while men take over a month to pull the trigger.

    And what are men doing for more than 30 days while they're contemplating ending their relationships? For two thirds of the time, they're agonizing over the decision,

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  • 4 Things We Can Learn from the Most Popular Online Dating Profiles in New York City

    by Gena Kaufman

    Getty ImagesGetty ImagesRecently, New York Magazine's The Cut interviewed four of the most popular daters in New York City, according to OKCupid statistics, meaning the straight man, gay man, straight woman and gay woman who received the most messages in their respective categories. And whatever your sex or sexuality, there's a lesson from each of their profiles in becoming the grown-up equivalent of the Prom King or Queen.

    1. Don't be overly flattered by certain types of attention. Sadly, if a guy chooses you as a match, it could mean next to nothing. Obviously, I immediately looked up James, the most popular straight guy in the city to check him out, and when I clicked on his profile, I saw the "He likes you!" notification at the top. I had a momentary moment of "Yup, I still got it!" cockiness, and then I read the rest of the article, which said he just likes every single profile he comes across. Nevermind then! Point is, guys might just be casting a wide net (and then possibly suffering Read More »from 4 Things We Can Learn from the Most Popular Online Dating Profiles in New York City
  • Swiper's Remorse: How Do You Deal with All Those Tinder Matches?

    by Gena Kaufman

    Getty ImagesGetty ImagesI've noticed myself following a funny little pattern when it comes to online dating these past few weeks, and I've gone ahead and coined it a case of Swiper's Remorse, in case any of you are suffering from it too. Let me explain…


    While perusing various dating websites, I've been happily selecting guys--swiping right, rating them four stars, whatever the ranking system on that particular site might be. And then I feel a little swell of pride and excitement when I get the notification that there's been a mutual match between the two of us. Yay! We like each other. It's clearly a match made in heaven.

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    Until the guy actually contacts me, and I take a look back at his profile to remind myself of who he is. Then all of the sudden, bam! I can't remember why I was interested in the first place. Was I drunk when I chose this guy? (Well, occasionally, yes. But not usually.)

    Now, of course, at least 50 percent of the

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  • The 8 Types of Sex that Bring You Closer Together

    by Gena Kaufman

    Getty ImagesGetty ImagesThere are a lot of different kinds of sex: hot and heavy, slow and sweet, quick and comfortable, etc. They can all be fun in different ways, but there are certain kinds of sex that bring a couple closer and closer together in their relationship. Here are a few of them.

    Having sex with the lights on. Most one night stands or first times happen late at night (not to mention that sometimes, they're in a booze haze as well). But once you've hooked up in broad daylight (and with a clear mind), with all your flaws out there to see without a veil of darkness, and you still find each other attractive? That's intimacy.

    Middle of the night sex. The kind where you both half wake up and just can't keep your hands off each other at 4 in the morning. It makes you feel like you're totally in tune, even in your sleep.

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    Trying something new. It can be scary to experiment with something you've never tried before, making

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  • Is it Possible to Feel as Committed to Your Relationship If You're Just Living Together, Not Married?

    by Gena Kaufman


    Getty ImagesGetty ImagesMoving in together is a big step, but is it enough to feel truly committed? Sharing a bed and maybe even a mortgage seems like it would make most people feel pretty serious about being together.

    But a new study has shown that couples who live together but aren't married don't feel the same levels of security as couples who are legally married. Replicating and expanding on an experiment from 2006, researchers studied the effect of holding hands with a partner among couples who lived together, married and not (and same-sex couples, who aren't legally allowed to marry in Virginia, where the study occurred). Participants were asked to lie in an fMRI scanner while watching a computer screen that signaled a potential threat of a shock to the ankle. While doing so, the participant was either holding their partner's hand, a stranger's hand, or alone. When married couples held hands, the person threatened with the shock was comparatively calmer than when alone or with a Read More »from Is it Possible to Feel as Committed to Your Relationship If You're Just Living Together, Not Married?
  • Want to Go to an Online Version of the Sex and the City "Used Date Party"? Now You Can

    by Gena Kaufman

    I'd take her fur coat but maybe not her shops-in-the-boys-department man. (Courtesy image.)I'd take her fur coat but maybe not her shops-in-the-boys-department man. (Courtesy image.)If you're the kind of girl who's into thrifting for clothes--searching through piles of discarded items that other women no longer wanted but are treasures to you--would you feel the same way about…dates?


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    A new dating site is trying to make the "used date party" of Sex and the City fame an online reality. "Jess, Meet Ken" is a a beta site where women can meet guys based on the recommendations of other women. And not women with biased opinions, like his mom, but women who have actually dated him and appreciated him though he wasn't their match. As the site says, "He's not right for you, but he's GREAT for someone else."

    The site's name is based on a true story of the sites founders (Jess and Ken, duh) who met through Ken's friend Adele on a similar site that no longer exists. Now they're trying to help extend other people's "setup networks," not to mention creating a site where all the guys are personally Read More »from Want to Go to an Online Version of the Sex and the City "Used Date Party"? Now You Can
  • To Find Happiness This Valentine's Day, Set Someone Else Up on a Date (Pick Me, Pick Me!)

    by Gena Kaufman

    Getty ImgesGetty ImgesIf you're fretting over your own lack of a valentine, or you and your boyfriend just don't have plans, maybe you should try playing Cupid instead. Hey, there's a reason he's the holiday mascot, right?

    According to new research, playing matchmaker brings happiness not just to the new couple but to the person who set them up. (Excellent news for this new dating site!) Based on a series of four studies, researchers have found that matchmaking brings happiness by making people proud of their own social acumen, kindness, and success at being a critical part of making a match. In fact, in order to really make yourself happy, you'll want to introduce two people who might not seem compatible and didn't have a good chance of meeting each other without you.

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    Because I care so much about your happiness, I welcome you all to set me up with your smartest, nicest, cutest guy friends. You're welcome.


    Have you ever played

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  • Help! My Long-Distance Boyfriend Puts No Effort into Our Relationship. Should I Dump Him?

    by Gena Kaufman

    Getty ImagesGetty Images
    Can this reader salvage her LDR, or is it time to cut ties? Let's help her decide.

    She writes...


    I've been with my boyfriend, "Sam," whom I love dearly, for almost three years. About a year ago he moved to a city two hours away for a job promotion, and I felt so happy for him since he'd been waiting for a promotion like this. We agreed that we would try to see each other every other weekend and communicate as much as possible.

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    The whole year that he's been gone, he's only come down to visit me twice and I've been the one doing all the visiting. I feel like the one that's doing everything to make this relationship work. I'm the one that ALWAYS initiates everything, from communicating to date nights to sex. He's not as affectionate as he used to be with me either. I feel like he's always in a bad mood when we're together. At first, I thought he was stressed out cause of his job, but that's obviously not the

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  • 4 Things that Will Happen when You Go on a Romantic Weekend Away--Alone

    by Gena Kaufman

    Reginald GrayReginald GrayA romantic weekend in a lovely beach front hotel room sounds like just what most of us need about this freezing and bleak time of year, right? Well, I was lucky enough to get just that this past weekend, but with my usual life twist: I did it alone.

    I headed down to Florida for the Uncorked Festival, a two-day extravaganza of wine, beer, and food sampling on the sugar sand beaches of Clearwater at the Hyatt Regency Clearwater Beach Resort and Spa. And while the event was crowded and lively enough for anyone to enjoy, there was certainly romance in the air. I met couples celebrating birthdays and an early Valentine's Day, and heard rumors of a pre-festival engagement on the beach. For me, there was a lot of good wine and a big king-sized bed, both of which are almost better when you have them all to yourself.

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    I'm not afraid to travel alone, but it is different to be a solo traveler on this type of

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  • 5 Reasons Being Single Isn't as Bad as You Think

    by Gena Kaufman

    Getty ImagesGetty Images

    Yes, sometimes we like to complain about being single. It's not all sunshine and roses, especially roses, because who would even bring you any? But buck up, my little unattached campers. There are some good things about being single as well.


    And since Match.com released its fourth annual Singles in America survey, here are a few encouraging facts about those of us who fly solo. Pat yourselves on the backs, fellow singles. We're great.

    We're having plenty of orgasms. In fact, 44 percent of singles have them 90 to 100 percent of the time with a familiar partner. But which single people have the most orgasms, you might be wondering? I'll tell you: It's people in Miami, redheads, people with Androids are having the most, and people who work in computers.

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    We're true believers. We may not have found our match yet, but 89 percent of singles say they believe they can stay married to the same person forever.

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