Blog Posts by HowAboutWe

  • 8 Reasons Ke$ha Should Never Give Dating Advice

    By Alison Vingiano for HowAboutWe

    Dear Ke$ha,

    I'm worried about you. A recently released preview of your MTV Reality Show Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life shows you fellating a cannoli at a restaurant. I want you to know that's not a thing people do. It's not even a crazy reality show thing, like screaming at another woman because she waved at your boyfriend. We give a name to horrible sex acts like beastiality or necrophilia, but I don't think there's even a name for fellating a cannoli. That's how often people don't do that. Did the cannoli even consent?

    In this video, your boyfriend tells you to "babybird" the cannoli into somebody else's mouth. Does he make you do things you don't want to do, Ke$ha? You can tell me. I have a broken futon in my living room that you're welcome to crash on if you need to figure some things out.

    I've done some research and I have to be honest: you have terrible ideas about dating. Let's take a closer look at some of these:


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  • Why You Should Forget Fate If You Want to Find Love

    Go out and make your own fate.Go out and make your own fate.By Terri Trespicio for HowAboutWe

    I understand why people love the concept of "Fate." It feels good to think someone's been earmarked for you, and that unseen forces are, even now, guiding you two hopeless romantics toward each other. It's an appealing, plot-worthy idea. Unfortunately, that's bunk - and worse, it's bunk that puts you in the weakest position of all. Because by believing this theory, you willingly renounce freedom, choice, and most importantly, action. You'll sit back and figure Fate will find you. Wrong.

    Plus: Are You in a Relationship Rut? You may be suffering from FOBU

    It's not entirely your fault - after all, you, like me and nearly everyone else on the planet, were raised on fairy tales that fool you into thinking this is how the world works: if you're a good girl or boy, "deserving" of true love, and you put your intention "out there," then the right person will pick up on your lovelorn sonar. (Thanks, The Secret, for giving wistful thinking a

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  • Digital Turnoffs: 5 Ways to Blow it Over Email or Text

    Don't get digitally ditched.Don't get digitally ditched.By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe

    Dating is all about giving people a chance, peering past superficialities such as appearance or mannerisms or quirks in order to see the person underneath. Because superficialities don't matter - compatibility and chemistry do.

    Unfortunately, the early stages of dating are rife with land mines in terms of turn-offs and pet peeves. When you barely know someone, and you've only got a few emails or texts to go off of, it's hard to not judge a guy on his ill-advised use of font.

    Plus: Are You in a Relationship Rut? You may be suffering from FOBU

    The following is a list of pet peeves that, while not break-up worthy necessarily, certainly don't do a lot for a guy upfront.

    Sexist? Yes. Small-minded? Certainly.

    But also…sort of true!

    1. Font

    I recently tried to set up one of my guy friends with one of my girl friends. I'd talked him up to her, and she seemed totally game to meet him, so I did an email intro. ["Jack, meet Jane.

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  • What Open Relationships Can Teach Us About Fidelity

    Is three always company?Is three always company?By Jo Piazza for HowAboutWe

    Ask any woman to describe the three most important things in a relationship, and monogamy will typically round out the list.

    Maintaining monogamy with a single partner can be incredibly important, but it can also be tricky. The deck is stacked against those looking to be with one person for the rest of their lives, both from a biological and an evolutionary perspective. Plus, well, there's the simple fact that so many people fail at it.

    Plus: Are You in a Relationship Rut? You may be suffering from FOBU

    If you're feeling hopeless about your prospects for monogamy, it's reassuring to remember that there are plenty of people in healthy and happy relationships that aren't monogamous.

    The very concept of polyamory - engaging in open relationships in which a person can be involved with more than one partner - can seem terrifying to the lifelong monogamist (which most of us are). I met my first open couple about a year ago and it made me

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  • 15 Celebrities We Wish Would Come Out in Support of Gay Marriage

    By Lilit Marcus for HowAboutWe



    This week, the Supreme Court is wrapping up arguments related to Proposition 8, the gay marriage law that got shut down in California. If they deem it unconstitutional, marriage equality for the U.S. will be basically a given (and then the wonderful weddings can commence!). Since we're still waiting to hear the Court's decision, it couldn't hurt if a few famous faces lent their voices to the supportive crowd in the meantime. Might we suggest a few?

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  • Will an Exit Strategy Doom Your Relationship?

    Planning an escape is some women's go-to for a successful relationship. Should it be yours?Planning an escape is some women's go-to for a successful relationship. Should it be yours?I think it's because I leased a car this week, for just a little more than writer Julia Anne Miller revealed she spends on her "Single Girl's Starter Kit," that I was inspired to run a relationship cost benefit analysis.

    See, I need the new car for work, but having the car for a future of day and weekend trips this summer with my boyfriend also delighted me. Spending just over $2,000 for the year would provide great positive utility for my relationship.

    Plus: Is Lying to Your Spouse a Good Thing?

    The point of Miller's Modern Love column in the New York Times was that, despite living with her boyfriend of many years, she spends $2,268 a month on a storage space that holds one single girl's bed, one set of flannel sheets, one pillow, her grandmother's afghan, one each of various kitchen utensils, one tool kit, one ladder and one box of love letters from past admirers, all the things she believes she will need in case her relationship (7 years!) goes awry.

    My circle of friends, all

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  • Are Married Gay Couples Staying Monogamous?

    Is monogamy in gay couples unheard of?Is monogamy in gay couples unheard of?By Melanie Berliet for HowAboutWe

    As I stood in my underwear and a headpiece made from stockings, "Betty," a six-foot drag queen with a red bob that matched her thigh-high boots, spent two hours grooming me into the sparkliest Cleopatra-clone possible. And then I got up on stage at Lucky Cheng's cabaret in New York City, and officiated the marriage of Eduardo Chan and Israel Hornedo.

    Chan and Hornedo had contacted me the month prior after reading a story I'd written about wanting to oversee same-sex marriages once they were legal in New York. As soon as I agreed to marry them, the couple began planning their big day.


    Plus:
    Is Lying to Your Spouse a Good Thing?
    The event was laced with standard wedding components: emotional toasts, embarrassing stories told by tipsy friends, cake-cutting and first dances. But there were also penis-shaped balloons, transvestite servers and outrageously dirty jokes.

    After the last tequila shots had been downed, I wondered whether Chan and Hornedo's

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  • E. Jean Carroll of Elle MagazineE. Jean Carroll of Elle MagazineThere is no escaping E. Jean Carroll. The longtime journalist and doyenne of relationship advice, who's been called "institutionally incapable of being uninteresting," is, at 69, still ready to explain precisely what is wrong with your life, your attitude toward marriage, and your shoes. And given that she has been dispensing her singular guidance to Elle readers since 1993, her opinion is not one to dismiss lightly. To say we interviewed her would be pretense - she spoke, we listened, and at the end, we walked away with a sense of wonder.

    So tell us: what's the secret to a fantastic date?

    Oh Christ, the secret of dating is not the person you're dating, it's the EXPERIENCE - any two idiots can go out to a bar and have wine. But if you're WALKING somewhere or DOING something or going on a hunt or quest, then it gets interesting. So go do something! As long as it's not dinner. NEVER dinner. I never ever in the "Ask E. Jean" column advise people to go out to dinner on a first

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  • Why Do We Feel the Need to Embellish Our ‘How We Met’ Stories?

    When relationships fall on tough times, when the present is bad and the future suddenly becomes murky, sometimes all we have to rely upon is the past.When relationships fall on tough times, when the present is bad and the future suddenly becomes murky, sometimes all we have to rely upon is the past.by Ryan Dodge for HowAboutWe

    OK-ish.


    That's how I'd describe my first date with my girlfriend of three years, if I'm being honest. Which I'm usually not.

    She arrived ten minutes late wearing an outfit so casual I couldn't help but wonder if she would forgotten all about our date if I hadn't emailed her that afternoon to confirm. The conversation was your typical fare: we talked about our siblings, our favorite restaurants, our TV addictions-nothing we hadn't already shared with hundreds of virtual strangers via Facebook. We had both been single for so long that it was easy to shift into dating autopilot, and wecoasted through the evening with minimal turbulence.

    I ended up asking her out again, mainly because she was so beautiful that even if our next date was equally unremarkable, I would at least get another chance to study her face. She said yes, but it was clear that she was equally ambivalent. By the time I got off the subway I had already stopped thinking about her.

    Plus: 5

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  • How to Know when You Should Stop Seeing Someone

    On some dates, you know right away that there's not going to be a another one.On some dates, you know right away that there's not going to be a another one.by Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe

    On some dates, you know right away that there's not going to be a another one. Physical unattraction, lack of compatible sense of humors, weird behavior, and having nothing to talk about are all factors that prompt the cricket on your shoulder to say, politely but firmly, "No thank you."

    Those dates suck. But the aftermath, at least, is easy.

    Plus: The 9 Most Annoying Things Said to Single People

    Then there are the dates where everything is fine - there's, if not palpable chemistry, at least a lack of repulsion, the conversation is perfectly pleasant, there's no alarming behavior, and the cricket on your shoulder falls mysteriously, frustratingly silent.

    Plus: New Survey Says the Ideal Age Gap in a Relationship Is...

    So you say yes to a second date, because you didn't find a compelling enough reason to say no. And then, after the second, maybe you say yes to a third. But as the dates continue, things don't get clearer for you. You find yourself

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