By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe.com
One of the more difficult parts of being single is having to field comments and questions from friends and family members who are inexplicably invested in your dating life. One innocuous question in particular can be hurtful, no matter how well-intentioned.
Related: Your Friends Know Why You're Single: Do You?
A friend recently vented to me about her personal pet peeve: she hates when she tells a friend about a really great encounter with a guy, and the person responds with "So when are you seeing him again?"
Ah, yes. The dreaded "So when are you seeing him again?" Every single person has encountered it. Every single person has then felt immediately deflated if in fact they don't have a concrete answer yet.
The problem with this question is that it immediately puts the dater on the defensive. They've just described a happy romantic experience, which, need I remind you, doesn't happen every day. The polite thing to do is to let the single person
Blog Posts by HowAboutWe
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Thu, May 19, 2011 8:17 PM EDT
By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe.comRead More »from The Seemingly Harmless Question You Should Stop Asking Single People
By Scott Alden for HowAboutWe
The rumors are true: Men love sex. It would be a mistake, however, to think that the ONLY thing we like about sex is the actual intercourse. Here's six other things about intimacy that we like (almost) as much:
True. Guys like cuddling. It makes us feel big and strong and all "providey" to wrap a woman up in our arms.
2. Spending ALL day in bed
Getting to the point where you're both so hungry that you have to get up but you still don't want to? That's the best.
Related: Guys- Stop Being Jealous And Just Get Better At Sex
3. Saying things you've never said before
It's hard to say why, but guys tend to get loose lips after sex. Sometimes during that post-coital high, we get lulled into telling women things that we've never told anybody before. Acceptance is big for us, so being naked with a woman and sharing something really personal and having her not run screaming down the street is Read More »from 7 Things Men Love About Intimacy (Besides Sex)
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, May 17, 2011 5:43 PM EDT
Jesse James, who famously cheated on Sandra Bullock with an Oscar show dancer or something, has a new book out. It seems that a lot of this book (obnoxiously titled American Outlaw) is about his relationship with "Sandy." Of course he has to promote this pile of nobody-cares-but-here-we-are-talking-about-it-anyway, so he's blabbing to everyone with microphone or a blog about his ex and how much he's grown, how sorry he is, how his upbringing made him this way and how now he's really working on his issues and so on and so forth.
Related: The Top Ten Reasons You're Single (According To Twitter)
Jesse's own particular brand of lameness and grossness aside, his blab-spree highlights the real issue: Talking about your ex with strangers is not cool. Even (or maybe especially if) someone's waving a giant check in your face to do it. I'm not saying that you should hide your pain from the world, but you should leave out the details. Here's why:1. You know people are going to twist it
If Read More »from Pulling A Jesse James: 5 Reasons Not To Blab About Your Ex
- HowAboutWe | Author Blog Posts – Mon, May 16, 2011 9:56 PM EDT
By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWeRead More »from Morning-After Etiquette: When Is The Date Officially Over?
Some dates end outside the movie theater, in the parking lot, or on the subway platform. Some dates end outside the front door. Others, (and these are usually the very very good dates) end the next morning. And that, my friends, is where things get tricky.
Assuming it's your first time spending the night, it's hard to know exactly when to take your leave, and when to keep things going.
Related: 10 Things Women Ask Themselves Before Sex
Did the sun coming up signify the end of last night's date and the beginning of a new, not date-related day? Or is it just an extension of the night before?
"It's so dependent on the situation. If it's a straight hook-up, I'll probably have sex one more time, and then skeedaddle, because that's what we're both here for. If it was bad the night before, I'll just leave. If I REALLY like the person, I will stay for breakfast." One of my friends confided in me.
And one of my guy friends responded:
"If you've been on a few
by Scott Alden for HowAboutWe
I'm going to tell you a secret. You probably already know this, in your heart, but it's been buried under endless top ten lists and scientific "studies." It's fairly obvious, but here it is: You cannot trick a man who fears commitment into committing.
And even if you think you can, you shouldn't.
It would be dishonest to say that the promise of multiple sex partners has nothing to do with a man's desire to stay single. It would also be dishonest to suggest that this is the main reason that men who won't commit, won't commit. Most of us are quite capable of beating our biological imperative to populate the world with tiny versions of ourselves into submission. But only if we think that our lives will be better in a long-term monogamous relationship.
Men who can't commit fear that being with just one woman, if she's not the right woman,Read More »from Why You Can't Trick A Man Into Committing
- HowAboutWe | Author Blog Posts – Fri, May 13, 2011 8:54 PM EDT
By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe.comRead More »from 21 Questions We Wish We Could Ask On A First Date (But Never Actually Would)
We would never actually ask these questions on a first date...but man would it be nice to know!
Related: 10 Things You Should Know After A First Date
1. What's your policy regarding leaving people suddenly and without warning?
2. I'm not saying right away, but eventually down the line, how open would you be to introducing a third party to our sex life?
3. Do you floss?
4. Are you obnoxiously dependent, or are we still going to be able to have our own lives?
5. Are you going to make me wait 6 dates before sleeping with me?
RELATED: 8 Things A Girl Should Not Wear On A First Date
6. Is it okay if we wait like, 6 dates before sleeping together?
7. Do you actually watch Rachel Maddow/Read the NY Times/love this band/go to MoMA in your spare time, or are you just saying that?
8. What were your SAT scores?
9. If we were to date, how often would you expect oral sex? Like, is this a regular thing, or a once in a while treat?
10. How much money do
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Thu, May 12, 2011 4:56 PM EDT
by Scott Alden for HowAboutWe
We have to have standards. No one wants to end up with a loser/psycho/cheater/secretly married person/insert-worst-fear-here, right? But sometimes, our fear of being with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong can stop us from actually getting to know Mr. or Mrs. Right.
1. They have to get along with ALL your friendsThink about it. YOU don't even always get along with all of your friends. You probably have some friends who you've known forever and love dearly, but can't be sure be sure that you'd be friends if you met for the first time today. And you have friends who don't get along with each other, right? As long as the person you're dating is making an effort, you should cut them some slack.
2. The sex has to ALWAYS be good
- HowAboutWe | Work + Money – Wed, May 11, 2011 6:28 PM EDT
By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWeRead More »from 12 Things We'd Like To Change About Technology and Dating
In a lot of ways, technology has made dating much better: Distances seem smaller, you can communicate throughout the day, you can let the world know you're in a relationship, and you can find dates online (ahem). But with the good comes the bad. Can you imagine how wonderful dating would be if everyone just followed these tech guidelines?
Related: When To Facebook Friend Someone You're Casually Dating
1. If You Ignore A Text, You Have To Ignore All Social Media
You guys. You guys. You can't slyly ignore a text message and then constantly update your twitter or Facebook profile or check into Foursquare or do any other activity that proves you have full use of your faculties, thumbs, and cellphone. Also: BBMs? We KNOW if you read them!
2. Change Your Text Settings
For the love of god, change your text settings so the "Show Preview" function is off, so your texts don't automatically pop up on the screen if your phone is resting on the table between you and
- HowAboutWe | Spring Cleaning – Tue, May 10, 2011 5:49 PM EDT
You know what differentiates spring cleaning from regular cleaning? It feels good. It's the time of year when we say "The status quo just isn't working," and we do something about it.
Let's apply the same mentality to our dating life. While we're cleaning out our closets and rearranging our bedrooms, let's dump those bad dating habits that are holding us back and replace them with good ones. Today, we'll share 6 bad habits to trash.
1. Being Too EagerMen and women both get very confused about this one. "Aren't I supposed to let them know I'm interested?" "Don't women want to be pursued?" "What if they're really the one and I let them go?"
Asking yourself if your eagerness is coming from genuine excitement or fear might be a good starting point. According to dating coach Donna Barnes of ABC's hit series What Would You Do?, it's an important distinction to make. "Fear is what ruins most potential relationships. Fear of abandonment, fear of commitment, fear of intimacy, Read More »from Spring Cleaning For Your Dating Life: 6 Bad Habits To Trash
- HowAboutWe | Author Blog Posts – Wed, May 4, 2011 5:12 PM EDT
By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe.com The latest innovation in long-distance dating is a new machine being developed in Japan, which hopes to effectively transmit the feeling of a French kiss. It's sort of like Skype...with tongues.Read More »from The Virtual French Kissing Machine: Would You Try It?
Basically, participants put an apparatus in their mouths and swivel around the sensor with their tongues. This movement is then replicated in the apparatus of the other participant. Hot.
Related: The Art Of The Skype Date
This video explains it best, but fair warning, it's...pretty gross.
OK, so now that we're all on the same page as to what this machine does, the question remains: would you ever use it?
We asked some people in long-distance relationships to weigh in.
Amelia McDonnell-Parry, editor of The Frisky, didn't hesitate with her answer:
"I would sooner die than use this thing. There's no amount of technical innovation that could mimic the way it really feels to kiss my boyfriend. Plus, it's just embarrassing."
Katherine Garcia, who lives in NYC