Blog Posts by Rich Santos, Marie Claire

  • The Benefits of Having A Lot of Female Friends

    Throughout my life, I've learned the importance and value of female advice and input for a few reasons:

    • I grew up with sisters
    • I went to a co-ed school

    Whenever I make a move during the early stages of a relationship, my faithful, female "editors" are right there to help me out...and remind me of how clueless I am. Relying on other guys is just not as useful. They are either too aggressive ("yeah dude go for it - she wants it"), or they prove to be just as clueless as I am.

    How have my "editors" helped me through the years? Here are just a few examples:

    Fashion
    I don't trust myself to shop alone. Women tend to put more time and effort into their clothing, but us guys will wear whatever it takes to get attention from the ladies.

    My female shopping assistants help me figure out if I can pull off a look, or they pick out things they'd like on guys. They are also there to

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  • Got Milf?

    Book Review: "Got Milf - The Modern Mom's Guide To Feeling Fabulous, Looking Great, and Rocking a Minivan" by Sarah Maizes

    Terminology gets guys in trouble. We make up horrible terms like "butterface": She has a great body but her face is not good

    One night at a dinner table at a wedding, I got into an argument with a female guest about terminology I was using. She was asking about my dating escapades and I kept calling females "girls". After a while, she took offense:

    "We are not girls, we are women."

    I said: "No, I call most females girls. Women are different than girls."

    She asked me to explain my terminology for females. I responded:

    "Girls are girls until they have a baby. Then they become women."

    She asked: "And what do they become after they are moms?"

    I said: "Well eventually they become ladies."

    She was not satisfied with this explanation, but I really wasn't trying to be insulting. I felt bad about this conversation for a long time until I read

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  • How to Watch Sports with Your Man

    One conflict rears its ugly head in many men's lives: sports versus significant other. It's understandable that a woman might feel like second fiddle to her boyfriend's sports obsession. With a few quick etiquette tips, though, women can figure out how with their guy's life during sports seasons.

    We love a gal who truly loves sports. When a woman caters her schedule around her beloved team, it's real. My best girlfriend from college is a Steelers fan who not only caught every game, but also vented frustration with little known Steeler backup players. These kinds of women are welcome additions to a group of sports viewers.

    But if a woman tries too hard, we'll see right through it. Fringe fans flock to teams like the New York Yankees because they're trendy. A woman who roots honestly for random teams like the Buffalo Bills, Northwestern Wildcats, or Kansas City Royals is much more respected among males. We notice when women come out of the woodwork to support a team in the

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  • Can You Control Falling in Love?

    I am the king of psyching myself out. And I have an acute fear of success. These two things result in the sabotage of a lot of would-be relationships.

    This self-sabotaging is actually very common. The more serious a relationship gets, the more energy and investment you put into it, the more you risk - and fear - failure.

    That fear is a defense mechanism. Despite our quest for love, we're scared of it and often try to control our feelings in an effort to minimize the chances of a broken heart.

    There are a list of "rules" people use to control love and dating. Here are a few:

    The Timing Must Be Right
    I used to think I had to be with someone for a certain amount of time - usually six months - before I could agree to a relationship. This may have stunted something that could have been meaningful. It's not possible to control your feelings when it comes to love.

    There shouldn't be a time limit or required amount of time. If it's going to happen, it's going to

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  • 5 Women's Fashion Mistakes That Turn Men Off

    Are there any styles that turn me off immediately? You bet. I'd to give you a guy's point of view on style, and how mistakes can ruin any chance of attraction:

    Too Much Makeup

    The most striking turnoff for me is when a girl is wearing too much makeup. I've always been the type of guy who appreciates a natural look as it is, and when a girl does her makeup well, the results can be magical. But the one thing that should never happen is excessive application: too much, too many colors, or if it's just a botched attempt at a good makeup technique. Keep in mind, I'm really scared of clowns!

    Seems like as time goes by, makeup makes like the earth and erodes and changes with weathering. There is nothing more ghastly than makeup run amuck in the morning after spending the night together.


    Aggressive Cleavage

    Sure, I admit that guys have fixation with cleavage, but we don't always like when it's popping out of a top. We have a tough enough time keeping our eyes level, and

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  • 5 Signs He's Cheating

    When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line - you don't want to make false accusations.

    So, while I'm sharing this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your lover away.

    Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:




    Jumpy Cell Phone Habits
    In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.


    He's Pulling Houdinis
    If he's

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  • Advice from Real Wise Sages: Married Women

    I admit that my previous post, "Advice From Three Wise Sages: Married Guys" was a bit tongue-in-cheek. Advice from guys is usually wrong, and advice from married guys is worse. So in an effort to balance the scales, I've collected some nuggets of wisdom from married women.

    While the guys were telling me about how to navigate the stormy seas of a female's mind, the women chose to tell me about falling in love, which I thought was nice.

    Your Commitment Level Is Proportional To How Much Crap You'll Take
    I can totally get on board with this. I've finally realized, no one is perfect. But there are people out there with whom we're compatible despite their annoying little flaws.

    I've convinced myself to break up with girls for a variety of reasons: too nice, weird big toe, bad laugh. Women have to put up with many of my annoying characteristics: not knowing where I'm going a large percentage of the time, forgetting things, bad judgment.

    All of these annoyances

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  • 10 Things That Prevent Guys from Approaching You

    Recently, at a wedding, I witnessed a dance floor with a friend who is an ecologist. In the middle of this dance floor, a girl approached a guy, legs slightly spread, while slapping her thighs with the back of her hands while looking him in the eye.

    My ecologist friend, in his "Darwinian" mindset, jokingly exclaimed: "Oh wow, she's presenting!"

    You don't have to emulate an Animal Planet mating documentary to get a guy to approach you when you're out, but body language is important. You have to give a guy an opening, and make yourself available.

    I want my approach to appear to be well-timed, and I don't like it when I feel like I'm interrupting. Sometimes the situation lends itself to an approach: there's something extraordinary to talk about, or we just bump into each other. Pay attention to your actions when you're out. If you want guys to approach you, are you making it easy on them - are you "available"?

    Some girls might want the guy to "work" as part of the

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  • How Online Dating Relates To "Real Life"

    In some ways, online dating is a completely new way of seeking out a romantic partner, but it mimics traditional dating in the "real world" more than you would think.

    Here are a few examples:

    People Love the Virtual Thrill of the Chase
    My friend Jack explained his experience on OKCupid: Users make it known how selective they are. He says most cute girls with intelligent and interesting profiles indicate that they are "very selective" in who they respond to. This is not unlike the bar scene - a gorgeous person in the room holding court seems intimidating and tough to get a response from.

    Jack is conflicted about this feature. He thinks it's shallow, but admits that if a girl "responds often," even if he likes her profile, he's less inclined to find her attractive. Conversely, if he gets a response from a "responds rarely" girl he thinks he's done something right and feels more accomplished.

    Freedom From Obligation
    Jack hung out with a "cute, intelligent"

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  • How To Avoid Being A Nag

    I've recently started allowing Pam, the girl I'm dating, insight into my sad financial management. Because Pam is more organized and "Type A" than I am, she got frustrated as soon as she got a look at my accounts.

    Her criticism is well-founded and plentiful: "Why do you go to non-bank ATMs? Look at these last four withdrawals. You've spent over $10 in service fees."

    My answer is: "Well, I was wasted and in need of cash."

    "Three cups of coffee a day? Do you really need to buy that much coffee?"

    My answer is: "The coffee at work sucks."

    The classic complaints are: men don't listen, and women nag. It's tough to change a partner's habits (such as time budgeting or smoking) because they often take it personally. The paradox is that you're only in their ear about it because you care so much about the quality of their life. If you don't want your lover to think you're a nag, you must practice constructive criticism.

    The person being criticized must acknowledge they

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