Blog Posts by Monika Basile

  • One in a Million

    Metro crowd.jpgI don't want to date me.

    I want to date someone who is different than me. Someone who might open new worlds up or at least make the conversation a bit more exciting than talking to myself. I want to date someone who has similar core values but is not all the same things I am. I don't want to be in competition with my potential mate.

    Of course, it is important that dating couples share some common hobbies and interest. It is important to have things to discuss and talk about and activities to share together. It's a good idea to maybe like some of the same music or be able to enjoy a movie together-to like certain things our mate likes. However, we do not have to be clones to share a life together and enjoy our time together.

    By the urging of my dear Aunt, whom I have written about before, I joined a dating site she suggested. "Monika, you need to try something new because what you are doing is just not working for you." So I did as she suggested and figured I would

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  • My Date with Fifteen Men

    The big bang
    Meeting someone for the first time can be something that can cause me to shake in my boots a bit. But I am brave, and I do so anyway. It is difficult enough to wonder what they will think, what I will think, what we will think without also wondering what a crowd of others may think. But as I said...I am brave.

    We had agreed to meet for a drink. He would be having dinner with a buddy coming into town and I was teaching a self defense class. We would meet after each event and after I could change my clothes and run a comb through my hair. And then I receive a text, "He is running late, would you be interested in joining us? Unless you are too scared..."

    I responded, "I am NOT scared." and agreed to it because sometimes I just cannot turn down a taunt like that. Except I was scared. It is hard enough to be, in a sense on display for one, let alone for two to decide if I muster up to their expectations. I know it really isn't any big deal . You meet, decide if you like each other a bit

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  • The Wishing Well

    Paper with a heart drawn on it and a pencil piercing the heart.
    Sometimes I am not a very big person. I like to think I am kind and generous. I like to think that my norm is to be forgiving and understanding. No one is all the time. We are human and we fail at perfection most moments of our days.
    I look back on my past relationships and I see I have not always been good at an ending. My thoughts and my feelings and my spirit is sometimes too angry to allow the better things to shine through.

    I recall a recent ending, not too recent and not too distant, but close enough that I still think on it. There is a single moment in the ending that I do not regret. Only in one of the moments did I shine in and none of the others.

    We had been arguing-Mr. Music and I. This is not something I did or do well. I am not good at sustaining any type of argument as I usually shut down with embarrassment or fear of saying the wrong things and hearing the wrong things thrown back at me. Yet, here I was, arguing-loudly and shamefully acting the fool.

    "I don't know

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  • Ahhh, the Smell of It..

    Striped Skunk
    His headlights blinded me in the parking lot. He was taller than I expected. Walking into the restaurant I could smell him. That awful smell. I try to explain to people that I have always been ultra sensitive to pheromones since as long as I can remember though when I first noticed it, I didn't know that was what they were called. The smell knocks me out and distracts me. I know it is ridiculous but it is something I can't help and something I can't change unless I suddenly lose my sense of smell.

    I can't even describe the odor which has nothing to do with B.O. Freshly showered, it is simply the underlying scent of skin. Something that truly nauseates me. And I know in the first moments, there is no chance, because I cannot kiss someone I can never get close enough to kiss. What is worse, is when a man wears beautiful cologne and I can't smell it until that very first gentle kiss. That is a terrible thing. How can I possibly say to someone, "Sorry Sir, but the smell of you makes me

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  • Card Carrying Member of the Lonely Hearts Club

    This is not the place I expected to be though it is the place of my own doing or undoing depending on if you are an optimist or a pessimist. I look back and I see how everything happens-a chain reaction from decisions and choices I have made that may have seemed inconsequential in the beginning.

    Everything counts. We may not realize that in the beginning and sometimes, we may never realize it at all. It doesn't make it not true. It all adds up to our lives, every moment lived, every belly chuckle, every round of weeping, every heartache and ecstasy, every single part of our living of our lives matters in some way. It counted whether the universe was keeping score or not. It all makes a moving difference or it makes a stagnant difference. And sometimes we get so caught up in what we do not have, have not accomplished and the places we have yet to travel to-we forget everything that led us to this place we reside in now.

    We forget that we may be lucky even in the midst of tragedy. We

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  • Friends Without Benefits

    Broken Heart
    I am concise in my explanation of what I want and feel I need. I want to share my life and not waste my time. I appreciate those who respect that and move along when they know that we want very different things.

    When we are dating, I don't believe it a waste of time to maneuver around each other , or in and out of each others lives to figure out if this "works" or is something that maybe has the chance to be wonderful. That is what dating is for. That is the reason we get to know each other, spend time together etc. It is the reason behind divulging our private lives and thoughts and hopes and dreams.

    It is strange though, how few people do actually respect that and take advantage of our hopefulness. I wonder how naive I must still be or how damaged my "picker" has become to not be able to detect the ones who are merely pretending. It is not only men who do this to women, women are just as bad to men. What I cannot seem to comprehend is the "why" of it. Why?

    There are so many

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  • The Myth of Meant to Be

    All alone
    I have been hearing a lot of, "If it's meant to be it will happen without you looking." And "If I were single again, I think I would rather be alone and to myself. I wouldn't want a relationship."

    Not true. Not true at all.

    If that were true, you would not be in your relationship now. If it was much more exciting to be alone and doing it all alone-you would be. If life with your mate were so terrible you would not be with them if you were as strong and capable as you say you are.

    It is easy for someone to say, "I would just be alone and enjoy myself." When they aren't and rarely have been. It is easy to talk that talk when you haven't walked that walk. It is easy to say it and much harder to do.

    There are wonderful things about being single. There are joys in being single. I am not denying that in the least. There can be a lot of freedom , and sometimes that very freedom can also chain you in. When there is no one to answer to, to decision make with, to give a damn about what you

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  • Every Minute

    Time Clock
    Time is the most valuable gift we can give anyone. It is the most precious thing truly, and I think sometimes we fail to realize it or discount its importance. It is free, yet priceless, easily had yet hard to find, it is a single way to allow someone to know exactly how you feel about them or don't feel about them.

    In this world of modern technology the typical excuses no longer fly. It is easy to reach out for a moment and pull someone to you or push someone away. We can no longer say, "Sorry, I've just been busy." (though still we say this and assume people believe us) because it only takes three seconds to send a text, a minute or so to make a call and a minute more than that to send an email. We don't need to figure out an algebraic equation to realize that out of 1440 minutes in one day, that we do not have three seconds to say, "Hey." Or in a weeks' time, out of 10,080 minutes, we cannot find five to call or write. (and yes, I did look that up online because numbers have never

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  • A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Action...Please

    Joined by Elvis on the Way Home
    It feels like there are a million articles about having "the talk" and most of them leave me with my voice stuck in my throat instead. I am wondering if maybe, there shouldn't be a talk. Maybe we shouldn't need to say, "Hey, do you actually want a relationship or are we fooling ourselves?" or "Where do you see this going?"

    Part of me thinks if I am driving down a lone stretch of road, and there is nothing but gravel and leafless trees lining it with a bunch of unkempt creepy houses lined up in a row, and buzzards resting on tombstones, do I really need road signs to tell me where I am or if this is the place I should be? Will a flickering neon sign reading GHOST TOWN population 0 really tell me anything more than my very own eyes?

    I think that is how it is with relationships too. If I am in a state of constant wondering where it is going, maybe "the talk" has already been spoken in the deepest silence. They say men are actions and women are words. Maybe women say so

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  • The Funny Thing

    A phone conversation.
    laughterA phone conversation.

    "You're judging me because I don't have children. That's really ignorant." His voice is outraged.
    I have no idea what to say here. I'm not judging him in the least. He is a comedian. He spends most of his time staring at himself in the mirror telling jokes. He isn't trying to be funny. He is dead serious.

    "I think you have some nerve to think I am less than you since I don't have children..." What? Of course I don't think that. I think you are a bit of an ass due to you telling me you never want to take care of anyone or anything, not a plant, a goldfish or even your own apartment and that you think it is stupid for anyone to want to take care of anyone. I am trying to stay calm.

    I sigh. I don't feel I owe Mr. NotFunny an explanation but I give one. "My whole life has been that of a caregiver. I have children. I work in a group home taking care of people. I welcome anyone who needs a moment of care. I have had a half

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