Blog Posts by Monika Basile

  • One More Try

    Online dating

    I recently decided to give the internet dating world another shot. I am not sure if I will regret it or not but figured it is worth another try.

    "Why are you still single?"

    This is a question I am asked a lot as I am sure a million other singles are asked. I also get, "Why would he let you go?" with a quizzical raise of the eyebrow as if someone letting go of me implies there is a true deficit to my character.

    I am usually puzzled as to how to answer these questions with real honesty.

    Why am I still single? Because I fall in love with the wrong men and sometimes too easily. Because I was either too picky or not picky enough. Because I want what every other single person wants-the person I am with to compliment my life. Because I need time, a man's time, not all of it-some of it. Because I am not out in the world enough while I spend forty hours a week working a job where I meet few people who are not mentally ill and under my care. Because I won't settle for a

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  • Purses Define Us...I Think

    $3.60 for a purse... what a deal! Thrift stores are filled with great money saving options, and many feature half-off days or huge discounts.

    They say you can discover the state of a woman's life by looking at the state of her purse. Now who exactly "they" are I am unsure of but "they" must exist somewhere as "they" made the statement. I have been thinking on this and know in my case the statement is definitely true-my purse exactly matches my life. I wondered if this were true for other women and decided I would investigate.

    The smart thing to do would have been to start by asking women I knew to see what the inside of their purses looked like. Alas, I do not always think rationally and began my game at an irrational starting point-in line at the grocery store.

    An elderly woman stood in front of me, she watched the register screen fiercely. I watched her purse, waiting for her to open it so I could give it a peek. She kept glancing at me and then held her purse tighter. I just smiled nonchalantly. The checker shouted her total and the woman opened her purse. Bingo! My eyes dove right in. The woman, with lips

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  • A Conversation with Kate

    Single? You're lucky

    She is sitting at the kitchen table chopping imitation crab meat with a butter knife. We are preparing for a party that I forgot I was throwing until yesterday. She is eight and exhausting at every turn. I know my mother must have said the same about me. She is a miniature version of myself-my own personal mini-me.

    "Mom? Mom? Mom?" she begins, "Is this real crab?"

    "No it isn't. It's made from fish."

    "But then it's not crab at all because a crab isn't a fish."

    "Well…does it matter? It probably is a fish because it lives in the water."

    "A submarine goes in the water and that isn't a fish at all."

    I sigh, I have been cooking and cleaning all day and I am too tired for this conversation. I am too tired for incessant babbling to cloud my brain. "Okay, Kate you are right." Anything to stop the noise.

    "Mom? Would you ever want to meet a mermaid?"

    "I don't know. They aren't real."

    "But if they were? If you could…would you want to meet one?"


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  • When God Learned to Sew

    Handmade Quilt

    We are women and we survive and of course, we rely on each other to get through the heartaches of our lives.

    A particular moment in time is forever captured in my memory of something a dear friend did for me as my marriage was ending.

    When I first asked my ex-husband to leave our home, I couldn't sleep in our bed. It smelled of him. It didn't matter that I washed the sheets or changed the blankets and comforter. His scent lingered in our bed of twenty years. It made me crazy to still feel him there when he wasn't.

    I threw away the sheets, the blanket the comforter. I bought a single pair of new sheets. I used an old blanket of the kids and borrowed a comforter from my mother. And there, I forced myself to sleep alone without his smell permeating the air of our room. I didn't like it-but I was able to rest some nights.

    Six weeks later, I allowed him to come back home. I gave him the last of the second, third, hundred chances-just to be sure. I did what many women

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  • The Finer Things


    I am not judging, though obviously I am since I am starting this piece with those words. But I would rather call it an observation, a thought or a "musing" that I have been rolling around inside of my brain. It's a phrase that has caught my attention or for some, should I say, the phrase has become a way of life.

    "Hey at least it's a fee dinner…"

    I could really use that free dinner due to my continuous deteriorating financial standings, however, I can't accept. Nothing is free.

    It's not that I am against a man taking care of me-I definitely am not. Most women, no matter how much we shout out how we want to be super independent and take care of ourselves-most women are lying. Now that does not mean we want a man to do everything for us, but we want the give and take and the part where you have someone to depend on and someone depends on you. What I am against-is taking advantage of a man's position in life to better my own.

    Sometimes, women can become blinded by

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  • It's the Journey

    The journey I am taking is a wondrous one and a most confusing one. It is strange to see why certain things happened as they did in the aftermath. If we could be so lucky to know before those unknown steps are taken, we would never stick one toe out into the world.

    Yet, this is how we learn about life and about love. We tentatively step-we courageously leap-we blindly fall-right into the midst of our lives not knowing what lies out there in the future. Sometimes we are damaged in our haste and sometimes, the damage is what in fact builds our characters. It makes us more, it makes us see, and it makes us become who we should be.

    Recently, I had an odd experience. I had a few amazing dates and then a kind of lackluster one with a lovely man and then did not hear from him for awhile. I wasn't too bothered. I was okay about it. But I did wonder now and then what had happened.

    You see, in my heart feelings had been lingering of someone else. I seemed to still have this small

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  • User Post: There is Love

    I was conceived the night before my father left for Vietnam.

    However, this is not my story; this is Richard and Inge's story. This is the loveliest love story I have ever known in my life. I am lucky to have been an eye witness to something that a lot of people think does not exist. I have seen it. I still see it each and every day of my life and it is beautiful.

    My name used to be something that I was embarrassed of when I was young. It is different and pronounced a bit different. It is the German version of Monica and it is a part of their story. My father loved a song, a song he heard while with my mother in Germany about two young girls. When he found out about my impending arrival, he asked my mother to name me Geesela, the other name in the song, if I turned out to be a girl. My mother didn't like that name.

    The day I was born, my mother had not heard from my dad in months. She thought he was dead. And here, into the world, I arrived in the midst of an aching

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  • Love Advice From a Crazy Lady

    She is insane. Literally.

    I shall call her "Bess" here to protect her privacy. She is one of my client's that resides in the group home for seriously mentally ill adults that I work at. I usually do not write about clients, their lives are very private and not something I care to discuss with the world. But since this was about me and her unique view of me, I wanted to share it and her insanely insightful love advice.

    Upon meeting Bess, she immediately began praying for me to find a husband. She has offered assorted advice such as, "Hey, hey pretend to let your car break down and let a man take you home but no sex! No sex on a first date."

    And my all time favorite, "Pick up a gardener snake," she makes motion of doing so and throwing it over her shoulder as she smiles coyly, "and then say, 'Hey, look at me. I have a gardener snake.' I swear it will work."

    There are days when Bess tells me, "Wow lady, you are one sexy woman. He'll come you just got to believe it.

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  • User Post: Calling the Perfect for me Man

    Ahhh life. What strange twists and turns and drops off the edges of cliffs into the bottom of the "Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" deep well of confusion.

    I received a text recently from a man I dated for a moment over a year ago. I was surprised to hear from him and at the same time a bit flattered that he had saved my number. I do not save numbers of former "almost" men I saw simply because I fear I will hit their number in my contacts by accident and have to explain why I called. And besides, what is the point anyway?

    So anywho, we have a polite little chat. He asks if I am seeing anyone and I text, "Not at the moment." He says he is seeing someone. I can't quite figure that out so I assume he is merely being "friend-like". Low and behold, today, he texts again and I finally just out right ask why he is texting me if he is seeing someone. His answer is as follows:

    "I'm going to be honest here. We are looking to have a threesome and I liked

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  • Don't Let Me Go

    I have never been good at letting go. It is something I know about myself but don't know how to change.

    I hold on to things much longer than most would-longer than is good for me, and long enough to get hurt more than once or twice or a dozen or so times. I am pig headed and stubborn and I have a hard time giving up. I am not sure if this is a blessing or a curse. I think sometimes it is truly both.

    When are we supposed to give up on the people we love-if ever? When is the point where we say to ourselves, "I have had enough and now I must walk away"? And does it make us stupid to continue to believe in someone who has stopped believing in us or even in themselves?

    Someone, tell me how to do this without regret, without the nagging thought that I threw in the towel too soon, without the wondering of if I had just held on a bit longer maybe everything would have changed. It is hard I think for most people to turn off their feelings, to stop loving someone even when it

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