Blog Posts by Steven Petrow

  • Straight Talk: My husband’s says he's gay: What should I do?

    Q: My husband of many years has just dropped the bomb that he's attracted to men. I'm a mess but sort of frozen in my tracks. What should I do? What should I say?

    A: As hard as it is for one partner in a relationship to come out to the other as gay or bisexual, receiving this news can be awful hard, too. No doubt, your husband gave this coming out conversation a lot of thought beforehand, but I am sure the pronouncement caught you off guard - even if you had harbored some suspicions along the way.

    If you're angry, my advice to you is to go ahead and let it out, within reason of course. He may insist you "Don't cry," or "Don't be angry," but bottling up your feelings now is a bad idea. On the other hand, after an initial conversation, consider taking a break from each other so that you can both mull over what's happening. You may want time alone or you may want to reach out for the support of a friend or another family member at this point.

    You didn't mention children, but

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  • Straight Talk: Is my lesbian friend flirting with me?

    Q: My lesbian friend is always coming on to me even though she knows I'm straight. I feel like there's a lot of tension and I'm not sure what should I tell her.

    A: I'm wondering exactly what you mean by "coming on"? Is she touching you inappropriately? Do her eyes lock on yours? There's plenty of room for miscues and miscommunication in any relationship, and this can be especially so between straights and gays. Sometimes heterosexuals misread acts of friendship or simple neediness as sexual advances when they're not intended that way. Is that possible in this case? Or, is this simply an unrequited crush?

    On the other hand, I'm guessing from the fact that you haven't brought this matter up with your friend yet that you're not completely sure how you feel about it. If you were seriously bothered or turned off, wouldn't you have blurted it out by now? I'm not trying to say you're a closeted lesbian. But perhaps you're not sure about your sexuality, which is very common by the

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  • 7 Great Ways to Find a Date or a Mate in the New Year

    Perhaps your New Year's resolution was to find a date or a mate. Great idea, but now what? Here are seven smart tips from gay guys about how to put some sexy sparks into the dark days of winter. With a few of these classic tricks from the man experts, you will no longer be walking (or sleeping) alone by the time spring comes along.

    · Volunteer: Helping out at a non-profit is time well spent in any case, but you'll also meet folks with similar interests. Just be sure to get your priorities straight; you're there first to help others, then to help yourself.

    · Get a dog: Walk it around your neighborhood or let it run off-leash in a dog park. Dogs are surefire date magnets. If you don't have one, borrow a friend's (but be honest that it's not your pup if someone asks) or foster a dog from your local shelter.

    · Go online: Dating sites have pretty much perfected the science of matchmaking. Make sure you choose one that is focused on relationships and not just hookups.

    · Bar

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  • Queeries: How to fight the holiday blues?

    Q: I find it hard not to get the blues, especially as New Year's approaches. Any advice that precludes medsJ

    A: Oh, this question. First, please try to forget those Currier and Ives images from the black and white era. If anything, the great holiday dash - from Thanksgiving to New Year's - raises the emotional jackpot to record levels, especially for LGBT folks. Aside from Seasonal Affective Disorder, a health condition associated with this time of year and increased depression, many LGBT people find more challenges in their day-to-day living during these months. Many of us are estranged from our families or are returning to homes where we're not fully accepted because of our sexual identity. We may be bringing home a new partner or dealing silently with a break-up or an illness or simply the burden of family expectations. Young gay people may still be closeted or not out at home (but elsewhere) and find themselves returning, if only for a short while, to their closet.

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  • Queeries: How to convince mom we won’t have (gay) sex in front of the kids?

    Dear Queeries: My partner and I usually spend the Christmas holidays apart, opting instead to dine with our respective families. But this year I'd like to take him to my parents with me. They are clearly aware that we're gay and typically include him in their Christmas cards. Yet, when I mentioned bringing him just recently, my mother said, "But sweetie, there will be children there." I just couldn't believe it. How do I assure them that we're able to restrain our rabid-monkey-sex for at least the duration of dinner?

    A: Your question reminds me of a situation with my own family many years back. My mom invited my then partner and me to Christmas dinner with the caveat that there would be "no touching." I asked her (nicely, since she is my mom) if that rule extended to the straight couples, like my brother and his wife, who were also planning to attend. Flummoxed by the "equal rights" clause, she relented and we came to dinner, holding hands under the table and otherwise being

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