Blog Posts by Parentables

  • Screw You, New Moms in Bikinis!

    Photo credit: therapycatguardian via flickr Creative Commons.

    This post was written by Parentables contributor Marla Garfield.

    Wearing a bathing suit in public is worse than cleaning explosive diarrhea.

    There are several things you have to do, just by virtue of being a parent, that are mortifying and revolting but are rites of passage:

    Wiping away poop that has crawled up your baby's back

    Digging into your baby's nose for crusty snot

    Inspecting your baby's butt crack for rashes

    Rinsing your baby's drool and/or vomit out of your own mouth

    I'd like to take this opportunity to add to the list: taking your baby to the pool.


    This is how smart I am: I signed up The Heir for swim class. In New York. In winter. Which means that not only do I pluck my child out of water and then transfer him outside into the brutal tundra of ... Brooklyn, I have to put on a bathing suit during prime hibernation season. Take that, Mensa!

    My son is more important than

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