Blog Posts by YourTango.com

  • The 5 Worst Pieces of Marriage Advice that You Should Happily Ignore

    Some marriage advice is worth ignoring.Before we got married, my father-in-law paid for my husband and I to attend a marriage conference. This gesture was made purely out of love for us and out of a desire to have our marriage start on the best foot possible. But at the end of the conference, Dave and I had decided that the best part about the conference was eating at a steakhouse a few blocks away from the conference hotel.

    When you enter into marriage people are full of well-meant advice. Friends, family, that nice lady at Target helping you with your registry. All of which we ignored and don't regret it for a moment. Here are the top five pieces of advice that we are glad we forgot.

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    1. Don't go to sleep angry. No, you know what, do it. Sometimes it's OK to simmer in your anger a little bit. Going to sleep angry gives you a breather, it allows you to find fresh perspective and remind you that whatever you are fighting about isn't more important that

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  • Why Persistence Pays Off with New Parenting Strategies

    Are you struggling to discipline your child?I recently had a parent in my office who was interested in trying a new way of dealing with her son. She was feeling good about the whole process, until she asked, "So how long until he changes his behavior?"

    I paused for a moment and then said, "One day longer than he thinks you will give up." She said, "I was afraid you'd say that. He knows I'll try something, and that I can get pretty impatient. Sometimes it seems like he's waiting me out!" Also Read: 5 Effective Alternatives To Spanking Your Kids

    She was having the same problem many of us deal with: giving up on a new parenting idea too early. Recent books and articles have focused on the fact that it takes weeks to turn a new behavior into a habit. It takes just as long for our kids to adjust to our new behavior.

    The biggest challenge, at this point, is holding the line - not giving up too soon. The "I tried that … It didn't work" thoughts can bubble up very quickly. Also Read: 2 Types Of Parents: Which One Are You?

    How long

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  • More Kissing Can Save Your Marriage, Says Science

    Experts say that simply kissing more could revive a flagging sex life -- and boost your connection.Sex is great and all, but according to a recent article by Jill Blakeway, clinic director of the YinOva Center and author of Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido, on the Huffington Post, kissing just may be more important.

    An estimated 40 million Americans are living in sexless marriages, according to Blakeway. Somewhat counterintuitively, jumping right back into the sack may not alleviate this problem. Instead, she recommends couples start with the basics to recharge their sex lives: K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

    Blakeway says kissing can be "more intimate than having sex," but is often one of the first things to go in marriage that is losing its passion. "[I've had patients tell me,] 'We used to spend hours kissing,'" says Blakeway. "Then I would ask, 'Well how long do you spend kissing now?' One patient said 'When I first get in, I kiss my dog. Then I kiss my husband.'"

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    Kissing is crucial to the success of a relationship, says

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  • 30 Ways I Now See Love Differently at Age 30

    Age is just a number... filled with experiences, lessons and life.Writing about love is daunting. It really is.

    To paint an accurate illustration of the way I felt when I first began tackling this topic, I ask you to envision me-a skinny, uncoordinated white girl measuring all of 5'3"-facing off with Shaquille O'Neal on the basketball court.

    The entire scenario is silly and farcical, and that's exactly how I felt trying to form accurate conclusions about love, a force that is much like a giant on a basketball court. It's towering and intimidating and has the capacity to undo me. The challenge was intriguing, however, so I couldn't say no.

    As I started brainstorming everything I'd learned about love over the short 30 years of my life, I quickly recognized that in pondering the mysteries of love, I was actually placing myself in the company of others who had sung and written and theorized about it. As I listened to their music, read their novels, and watched their films, the insights I gained helped shape my own. They bore witness to my experiences

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  • VIDEO: Is it OK to Make Him Wait to Have Sex?



    When you're dating someone new, there can be a lot of pressure to sleep together early on. But do all guys expect to have sex right away? And what if you want to wait until you're in an explicitly monogamous relationship before going all the way? Will he wait?

    In this video, dating coach, matchmaker and YourTango Expert Joe Amoia addresses these complicated questions. "The most important thing," says Joe, "is to make the guy feel like he's got a say in the decision, and the best way for you to do that is to communicate your rules upfront." Also Read: Are My High Expectations Setting Me Up For Failure? [VIDEO]

    Want to learn more? Check out the video above.

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  • 5 Ways to Ruin Your Relationship

    It doesn't take a gun to kill a relationship.We always hear about the foods and chemicals that quietly erode our health. But, while we don't hear about them as frequently, there are similarly dangerous threats to our relationships. The sooner you identify any of these five things in your relationship, the better your chances are of saving it.

    1. You criticize your partner more than you express appreciation. Think for a moment about how you have felt when your partner, your parent, friend or boss has made it a personal habit to hone in on everything you aren't doing, rather than appreciate all the positive and thoughtful steps and efforts you are taking. It feels awful, right? Don't you want to be around this person less and less? Perhaps your partner does, too... Also Read: Top 10 Tips For Building Loving Relationships

    2. You cling to mistakes your partner made in the past, even though he/she is working hard not to repeat them. I often share this quote with clients as it sums up perfectly the futility of clinging to

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  • VIDEO: How to Stop Your Kids from Ruining Your Sex Life

  • 28 Parenting Do's and Don'ts for Divorced Couples

    Don't let your divorce damage your relationship with your child.When parents divorce, regardless of the circumstance or age of the child, it has a significant impact. Looking at it through the eyes of your child and setting aside any feelings of anger or hostility towards your ex is challenging but essential. No matter how hurt, angry or disgusted you are with your ex, your feelings should have no bearing on your parenting.

    It is in your child's best interest that you deal with those negative feelings so that you can maintain an amicable relationship with your ex. Dealing with your ex can be done amicably if both parties truly choose to act in the best interest of their children.

    One of the most damaging things you can do to your child is to use them as an object of your anger. Here is a list of dos and don'ts that can assist you in parenting in a way that best protects your children while you are going through your divorce. Also Read: 9 Love Lessons I Learned From My Divorce

    1. DO reassure your child that it is not her fault that you and your

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  • 7 Signs a Man Doesn't Want a Relationship (Or Else, that He's a Spy)

    Sometimes a bad boy is keeping the free world safe for democracy, and sometimes he's just a jerk. According to films, television programs, comic books, daguerreotypes, cave drawings and divinations from wishing wells, your next door neighbor, coworker or even husband could very well be a SECRET AGENT. Spies are many things, charming, capable, physically adept, but mostly they're terrific liars. The same penchant for misdirection that makes a guy top-notch in the espionage game makes him absolutely horse plop in the awesome boyfriend department.

    The mysterious, handsome fella that you see fortnightly may actually be a spy. Then again, he may just not be interested in a relationship with you.

    Here are five signs he's either a spy or absolutely not your boyfriend:

    1. You are not friends on Facebook.
    If you're a spy, you probably don't have a Facebook page. If you're everyone else, you have one. If a lady is your actual girlfriend, you are friends on it.

    2. You have never met any of his friends.
    A spy can't let people in too close. A dude dating five chicks can't

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  • Striving for a 50/50 Marriage? that May Be Why It's Failing

    Why keeping a scorecard is the worst thing for your marriage—and how to put it away.I was born toward the tail end of the baby-boomer generation, which makes me part of the "me generation." Supposedly my generation was the first to put self-awareness and self-fulfillment ahead of work ethic and social responsibility.

    Although we got the self-centered moniker, subsequent generations (Gen-X, Gen-Y and Millennials) have each carried on the proud tradition, with self-absorption becoming normalized and institutionalized as a core value in our country.

    You hear it everywhere these days: Express yourself. Be yourself. Find yourself.

    A study of the millennials was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, authored by Jean M. Twenge, a professor at San Diego State University; research associate Elise C. Freeman; and University of Georgia professor W. Keith Campbell. In the study, and her subsequent book, Ms. Twenge describes millennials as "generation me" for their increased level of self-focus and introspection. The book is subtitled Why

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