Blog Posts by The Frisky

  • Post Breakup- Super Supportive Guy Friends

    When the s**t hit the fan with the ex, I immediately called three people-two close girl friends and my mom. For a long time, they were the only people I told and certainly the only people I leaned on for support. And they were amazing, in so many ways. But as more people in my life started to find out, I was utterly stupified by how hugely compassionate and kind all of them were, but especially my male friends. (Yes, including the three that have driven me to go on a six-month sex sabbatical..)

    For starters, having my fiance get so freaked out that he needed to have "space" for awhile, definitely made me question the existence of male emotional availability. But when word started to get around that my relationship was stalled or over (depending on how I was looking at it), so many of my friends offered their support. I expected as much from my female friends-you can always count on the ladies to help you numb the pain of a breakup with wine and a little smacktalk-but I didn't

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  • Does Your Relationships With Dad Set A Precedent For All Men In Your Life?

    Usually, a daughter's interaction with her father is her first male/female relationship. It's how she learns to see herself as a young woman; it's how she determines if she's accepted, valued, and respected. Whether you have a positive relationship with your father or the two of you are barely on speaking terms, he has the power to ruin your relationships with men. If a woman had an emotionally and physically absent father when she was growing up, she may be more likely to have difficulty making productive and lasting relationships with men as an adult. But even if your father was your biggest champion and showed you his love and nurtured you, he can still ruin your future with men-if you let him.

    Take the spoiled princess, for example. Her father gave her everything she could possibly desire, and she experienced very little in the way of consequences. As an adult, she'll look for a man who will treat her the same way her father did-showering her with gifts, taking her on trips,

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  • How Not To Become A Party Pariah

    Though I can't remember his name, I can still recall the face of the guest who whipped out a handful of Ziploc bags as a long ago Christmas party was winding down. "Do you mind if I take some of these cheese puffs home with me?" he half-asked, shoving the leftover snacks into a bag. "What about these tortilla chips?"

    Too shocked to do anything but nod, my acquaintance left with a stash of snacks and a permanent place on my own personal Do Not Call list.

    When I first started writing this piece, I figured it would be about not making a fool of yourself at the company holiday party. But the more I researched, the more it seemed that pretty much every business on the planet has cancelled their annual soirees. I get that you can't lay off half your staff and then ply the other half with six-foot sandwiches and cheap booze, but I think a lot of companies are using this financial downturn as an excuse. Bah humbug!

    Still, between Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and New Year's Eve,

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  • Think Your Man Might Be Depressed? Here's How To Know...

    Though the stigma is lessening, men are still far more likely than women to let their depression go untreated. Blame it on Rambo, Brando, or the lure of the martini, but many guys still aren't getting the help they need. As the traditionally stressful, dark days of winter set in, here are some signs that the guy you love might be suffering from more than a loss in fantasy football ...

    1. Substance Use: Has he been drinking more beer than a pledging freshman? Has his usual dinner cocktail spawned into three? Often, an increase in substance use-and this includes cigarettes, recreational drugs, and caffeine-can be a desperate attempt to self-medicate or cover up unpleasant feelings that are gnawing at him.

    2. Unhealthy Eating: We all have our baked chicken days and our nachos-by-the-truckload days; such is the fluctuation of normal eating. But if you see an increasing pattern of junk food bingeing, overeating, skipping meals or loss of appetite, these disruptions-and the weight

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  • Why a woman shouldn't say "I love you" first

    If I have a daughter one day, among the many things I'll teach her will be how to tie her shoes, to look both ways before crossing the street, to never end a sentence with a preposition, and to always let the man say "I love you" first. I'll give her plenty of other relationship tips, too, like how it's perfectly okay to ask a guy out, to make the first move, to even propose, but when it comes to the "L" word, the ball's in the guy's court. When this issue came up last week in my list of 30 things a woman shouldn't do before 30, it caused a bit of commotion. "What is this, the Victorian era?" wrote one commenter, "if you truly love someone, tell them. Otherwise you're just playing outdated coquettish games." Another commenter put it more diplomatically: "I don't think I've ever said 'I love you' first, but someone has to do it. It's okay to take a few risks." I appreciate both arguments and understand the sentiments behind them, but at the risk of having my feminist card revoked, I

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  • How To Hook-up At A Holiday Party

    It's hard not to get smitten with someone at an open bar, especially if you're single in December. The tricky thing is that a lot of the holiday parties are for business, so pleasure would have to be a secret bonus. However, the seasonal soirées bring about the best time to finally go for that cutie in accounting that you've had your eye on. After a year's worth of fantasizing over the copy machine, a hot romp with an officemate can be spicier than eggnog. While it might not be the most professional move, it can be just what you need to get you in the giving spirit. So, here's how you turn the heat up on your love life during the cold weather holiday gatherings…

    1. Clean Up Nice: You definitely want to show some personality, even if your work place is pretty buttoned up. Wear something you haven't worn to the office-but don't go casual, even if it's your coolest outfit. Get gussied up in something snazzy. Put on some high heels because no one who is 100% sure they're not

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  • My Mom Planned My Wedding...And It Was Perfect

    I worship my mother. She's smart, funny, annoyingly good at most things she does, determined, stylish, everything. And I'm still kind of scared of her. We're talking about a woman who booked the date of my wedding before I even knew I was going to get married. That's right-between the time that my soon-to-be-fiance Steve asked for my parents' blessing and the time that he actually popped the question, Mom made a few phone calls. She already knew she wanted the wedding to take place in the fall. Many years earlier, she had told me this, and I had casually mentioned it to Steve in one of my casual reminders during the home stretch of our five-year courtship that I was ready to move forward. When he spoke to my parents, Mom asked what time of year he was thinking for a wedding.

    "Fall?" Steve said.

    "What a great idea!" she said. Of course it was a great idea-it was her idea.

    The day after Steve proposed, we stopped by my parents' house to celebrate. "How does October 11

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  • When You're The Girl Before The Girlfriend

    There exists a school of thought that dictates if you think something catastrophic, then it won't happen. What would happen if my family died in a car accident? What would happen if my house caught on fire? Two summers ago, I asked myself: Wouldn't it suck if my first love met someone unexpectedly and got over me before I could begin to move on? Thankfully, my family and my house are safe, but my feelings, my love life, and my ego still need mending.

    "I met someone."

    The text message appeared on the screen of my phone and I stopped walking. A group of my friends and I were leaving the movie theater, and it was as if all feelings he had for me were obliterated in one night. We broke up because he was studying in Europe. Poetically, we had expressed our feelings for each other just two nights before. Then he became someone else's boyfriend, and remained so, for much longer than he and I lasted.

    I should've known it would happen, since it happens quite often. My first

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  • What Would You Give Up For Love?

    Candlelight, red wine, freshly made pasta. Flirting at a small table in a corner infrequently visited by the waiter. Such are the makings of a great date.

    But not if you can't eat what they're serving. What if you must start with a 10-minute interrogation: Can the scaloppini be prepared without a dusting of flour? Can I forgo the bed of pasta and just have the red pepper salmon? Does the chef use anything to thicken the risotto? Embarrassing. Your waiter takes a few trips to the kitchen to speak with the chef, and your date progresses in fits in starts. And-let's be honest-you might seem a little high-maintenance (think Sally Albright, the picky heroine who ordered everything on the side in the romantic comedy When Harry Met Sally).

    However, if you have Celiac Disease-a condition where the immune system reacts negatively to gluten, a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye-your questions aren't a matter of preference. You must avoid the flour and pasta! Even if you aren't a

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  • Flirting as a sport

    My friend Gloria flirts with everyone-even her cat. Seriously. Almost every time I see her she's cozying up to someone new, even though she isn't a perpetual dater and doesn't sleep around. At my birthday dinner a few weeks ago, she asked my friend Sira if he wanted to lick some buttercream frosting off her chest. He busted out his cell phone and said, "Have you seen my boyfriend?" But it didn't matter to her that he's gay; she was flirting for the sake of flirting.

    Another time, we were at a party, and all night long she was huddled up with a guy. I thought for sure they were going to go home together, but when I mentioned it to her, she looked shocked. "I don't like him like that," she said, as if what I'd said was the silliest thing she'd ever heard.

    At first I was confused, because when I flirt, it's for real. Don't get me wrong, I love flirting, but I don't bother if I wouldn't want my flirting to at least result in a makeout session. Right now, I'm in a relationship,

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