Blog Posts by Marni

  • User Post: Why You’re Still Single

    "Why am I still single?"

    This question plagues just about every woman who comes to Dating With Dignity for coaching. Invariably, before coming to me for help, she has asked this same question of her girlfriends, her mother, her best male friend, and even her therapist. More often than not, when a woman comes to me for coaching, she has enjoyed success in so many other areas of her life, but has been unsuccessful at finding and/or keeping a loving relationship; and she is, to put it simply, mystified.
    "It doesn't make sense," she declares. "Why?" she asks again. "Why am I STILL single?"

    If you are asking yourself-and your friends, family, and mental health professionals-this question, I can help. The first step is examining the often contradictory and self-defeating beliefs that lie deep in your heart-beliefs you may not have admitted to yourself, let alone anyone else. These beliefs are likely the biggest obstacles standing between you and the relationship you desire. Once you've

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  • How to Communicate to Get What You Want and Need!

    While some men just aren't Mr. Boyfriend Material, others just need clear communication from you about what you want, need and expect from them. To make things trickier, many women have difficulty articulating exactly what they're looking for. That said, imagine if you knew the following:

    • Exactly what you want in a partner, including his values and goals in life.
    • How to effectively communicate your needs and expectations without having to be bitchy, brash or judgmental.
    • Simple ways to set boundaries to allow the possibility of a relationship to unfold before you knee-jerk kick him to the curb.

    In order to get your needs met, you have to be able to articulate exactly what you need and then be able to communicate those needs in a way that is appropriate, kind, compassionate, and reveals your true, authentic self.
    Here are three steps you can take right now to begin to clearly express your desires to the man in your life so you can begin getting what you want:
    1. Decide Read More »from How to Communicate to Get What You Want and Need!
  • A user asks: How Long Should You Wait for Him to Commit?

    When he seems to be perfect "on paper," it's very difficult to know how long you should wait for him to make a long-term commitment. There are no hard-and-fast rules about how much time is enough for a man to decide whether or not he wants to commit to you. Different types of men and relationships will require different approaches. Here are several different types of men along with ideas about how to approach each to determine whether or not there is long-term potential.

    The Pretender This type of man acts like he's in the relationship for the long term but remains unwilling to discuss marriage. If this describes your man, it's time to sit down and have a bigger conversation. Many women believe that if they bring up marriage it will send the man scurrying, but it's normal and healthy for you to want to discuss this with a man who's truly looking for a long-term commitment and has shared this with you in the first few months of dating. Tell him you're enjoying spending time with him, love

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  • User Post: How to Be the "Real You" on a Date or in a Relationship

    Time and time again, the men I interview and work with tell me the number one thing they are attracted to (outside of physical attraction, which varies widely from man to man) is…drumroll please… CONFIDENCE!

    Confidence is such a subjective word. What does confidence look like? What does it feel like? What is missing when you don't feel confident? In order to create confidence you uncover who you are at your very core. Beneath all the masks you wear in hopes of fitting in, being loved, getting approval, or coping with the ups and downs of life as an adult woman in the twenty-first century, there is a version of you that is real and free from the dark voice of your "inner critic." In order to discover the "you" who lives beneath the masks-the real you-it's important to look at the roles in your life in which you shine the brightest.

    Discover Where You Shine Whether it is as a parent, co-worker, employee, professional, sister, mother, daughter, volunteer or friend, there are various places in

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  • User post: Can I Make Him Ready for a Relationship?

    When he seems to be perfect "on paper," it is very difficult to know how long you should wait for him to make a long-term commitment. There are many factors to consider, and so before making a decision you need to get clear on the following questions and choose which MAN described below you are dating.

    1. Is your partner acting like he is in it for the long term but remains unwilling to discuss marriage?

    Let's Pretend Syndrome

    If the man you are dating or in a relationship with loves the words "relationship" and "commitment" but won't commit to marriage, it's time to sit down and have a bigger conversation. Many women believe that if they bring up marriage, it will send her man scurrying away like a mouse who has been caught in the kitchen. However, it is normal and healthy for you to want to discuss this with a man who is truly looking for a long-term commitment and has shared this with you in the first few months of dating. (Yes, it is necessary and appropriate once

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  • What to Say When You’re in Conflict

    The truth is, many successful, independent women get pegged as being "bitches" when they get into conflict with others, especially at work. Perhaps we are triggered because the person we are with is being condescending, rude, impatient or darn right mean. In any case, the challenge becomes not getting entrenched into the lower, negative energy of the person with whom we are dealing because we want to "win," or be perceived as being "right."

    In some instances, however, this can be exceptionally challenging. Especially when, in most cases, you are right! Perhaps the person has just contradicted himself, or maybe there is something that has happened over which you had no control, but he did. Either way, we are more likely to stand in our strength and radiate powerful femininity if we learn how to create a "winning" resolution rather than bust our guts trying to prove our "right-ness." In fact, one of the most powerful beliefs that can bring down your energy and, for that matter, your

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  • What To Do When He Begins to Pull Away

    There is nothing more frustrating to the single woman than the moment she suspects the man she has tagged as "Mr. Possible Long-term Relationship," begins to show signs of pulling away. Before we launch into signs he actually is "pulling away," (there are signs you want to recognize) it's critical to understand that, in truth, women may often only imagine the vanishing act is about to ensue when, in fact, it's merely fear from past relationships that ended abruptly sparking your vivid imagination.

    That said then, if the man you are dating has been consistently, over a four - eight week period for example, behaving as if he is interested in getting to know you better and the relationship is progressing, it could be a sign that it is YOU who is interpreting a variety of harmless behaviors as signs he is ready to bolt.
    Why does this happen?
    Often, the woman who says she is "ready to be in a relationship," begins to imagine "pull away" syndrome (PAS) simply because she is truly

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  • How to Tell if Your New Guy Is Right for You

    Sometimes a relationship can never even get started; or, conversely, it moves too quickly because we do not take time to discern if the person we are dating is an appropriate match. What follows in today's blog are a few key questions you can ask yourself to determine whether the person you are dating is truly a potential partner.

    To begin, we must define a healthy, positive relationship. As Dignity Daters, we want to pursue nurturing relationships that support our growth and development. We don't want to continue dating a person who is "catabolic," or negative, because interactions with them are destructive, limiting, and impede our ability to experience life fully or express our true selves. This said, begin your decision making process regarding a person's "match" potential by:

    1. List your criteria for a positive, healthy relationship.
    2. Next, consider the following questions, answering each one completely:
    What is the energy you bring to the relationship? Are you positive, or

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  • Do You Have Masculine Energy?

    More than ninety percent of the women who take the Dating With Dignity D-Factor, Date-Ability Assessment are shocked to know that more than forty percent of their total available positive, "date me" energy is vibrating at low levels. Most importantly, these low energy levels are broadcasting messages that, in fact, cause men to move away from you as a potential partner and ultimately report to their friends and family, "there was no chemistry," "she was "intimidating" or, she seemed, "aloof."

    That said, how can you know if your energy is primarily masculine? First, it's important to know where your masculine energy comes from. Your masculine energy was mostly created because of unconscious thoughts, feelings and core beliefs you adopted based on previous life experiences. In short, what happened in your past determined the core beliefs you currently hold. For example, if you "learned" that you have to fight to get what you want, or believe, in your core, that your worth is based

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  • What is the #1 Thing Men Want in a Woman?

    What is the number one thing men are CRAVING for when it comes to relationship? Simple - a woman who is confident, secure and feminine.They are, in fact, clear on one thing; a woman who, despite her beauty, good humor, kindness and tight butt, needs excessive reassurance is someone who quickly becomes an albatross. These men, who are all incredibly smart, ambitious, talented and handsome, are
    searching for a woman who loves herself so deeply that she never depends on validation from her partner to make her feel lovable, worthwhile and attractive.
    As it is, in fact, my mission to teach women and men to love
    themselves so that they can attract someone to love, here are a few "signs" you most likely need to focus your efforts on yourself before you embark on a journey towards loving someone else.

    1. You ask questions like, "Does this make me look fat," "Why did you
    do (or say) that?," or "Do you still love me?" The Dating With Dignity
    men joke that these questions, which are

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