Blog Posts by Marni

  • User Post: How to Date with Confidence

    Often women meet men to whom they are attracted, yet seem to "freeze" when the man shows he is interested. It's not that she doesn't know how to flirt, she has done her "flirt" thing effectively, but when, in fact, Mr. Available moves forward and reciprocates, she feels awkward, uncomfortable and confused. There are a variety of possible feelings to consider that maybe be at the cause of the "freeze" including:

    1. The Limiting Belief that he wants her "only for sex," which causes her to pull-away and activates any residual baggage regarding men, her worth or her inability to say, "no."

    2. The fear that she will now have to keep him interested, and she is unsure or lacks confidence on her ability to be successful.

    3. She is filled with self doubt, and is thus too scared to explore the possibility of dating, having to set appropriate boundaries, or get engaged in something that at some point could include rejection, hurt, or failure.

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  • User Post: How to Get the Relationship of Your Dreams

    In order to get the relationship of your dreams, you must determine what type of behavior you will accept, and what type of behavior you will no longer allow in your life. In order to do this, you must set boundaries.

    For those of you who have that covered, keep in mind that I am not just speaking about telling a guy "no," when it comes to sex, or asking that he be on time. I am talking about the types of boundaries that set your stomach a-twitter simply by envisioning the conversation in which you have to say "no," face the retaliation, see the look of dismay or have the argument that ensues once you draw the line. What's more, consider if these boundary-setting conversations may need to start happening in your life with colleagues, your boss, family members, and even friends.

    To help with this delicate concept, I am sharing 5 boundaries that are mostly non-negotiable. In addition to my "own" list of critical boundaries to set based on several Dating With Dignity High Potential Dating Concepts, I am also gleaning insights from America's Numero Uno expert on setting boundaries, author Melody Beattie, who released her recent book, "The New Codependency," in 2009.

    1. We are done saying "yes," when we mean "no." In "Breaking Free From Your Romantic Rut," we work diligently to create lists of what we will no longer say "yes" to, and then, as a result, what it means we will say "yes" to. For example, "I am saying no to getting merely crumbs of attention from men," and "I am saying yes to believing that my needs are important." Get the picture? In setting effective boundaries, we stop saying yes when we really, truly mean "no." Often, words such as "it's fine," or "whatever," escaping from behind your lips in whispered disgust may be a sign you are not setting or enforcing this boundary.

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  • User Post: Are You Too Needy?

    Ok, the truth is this: Time isn't "running out," but I invite you to act like it is, because often we only act when we think there is an immediate consequence.

    The consequence is this: The longer you play it "cool," the longer you are allowing yourself to spend time dating men who aren't looking for what you want - a relationship.

    Ultimately, it is your responsibility to decide when your needs are as important as having a date, receiving text messages, or being the one "chosen" for occasional girlfriend privileges. In fact, in order to attract Mr. Boyfriend Material, it is imperative that you become aware of your needs, set expectations, and hold men to the boundaries you set. Why? Because the truth is that men who are ready for a relationship are looking for a woman who is confident, aware of what she "wants," and isn't afraid to communicate these needs. (using respectful, appropriate, and kind communication, of course).

    Here are a sample of expectations and needs I have approved as "appropriate." Try them on, then create your own list, noticing how it feels when you imagine yourself actually letting go of a man who doesn't meet your needs.

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  • How Facebook is Killing Your Chance of Finding a Relationship

    I have been diving into the power of social media this week, and as a result have been unusually aware of how many times my clients mention Facebook when we are working together in a session. Typically, the comments sound something like this:

    "I can't believe he posted that on his status report, and didn't tell me about it first."

    "I think he is dating someone else! That picture I saw of him next to the blonde (I was just looking at the pics he posted on his page…not stalking…just looking) seems like more than "just friends" to me."

    "He told me he was busy with a work thing, but his status update said he went to the movies."

    "He must be a player. His pics are always taken with women who have wine glasses in their hands."

    Sound familiar?

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  • When it comes to finding long-lasting love, the men you want to typically date can be classified as Boyfriend Material. These men are also dating with dignity, and have an expressed interest in finding a partner who is confident, independent, and has the skills necessary to communicate in MANglish.

    The ability to understand and then respect MANglish is paramount to finding a relationship with Mr. Boyfriend Material. Why? The answer is, quite frankly, because Mr. Boyfriend Material won't put up with your crap. He won't let you "sulk," he won't be manipulated by your tears (not 100 percent, that is), expects you to communicate your needs, have boundaries, express your expectations directly, and allow him to engage in activities that fulfill the essence of who he is. In addition, he knows that you won't take everything he says as a personal rejection, acceptance, or declaration of his love for you.

    There are few key signs to look for to know if you are dating Mr. Boyfriend

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  • User Post: Has Your Man Vanished? You May Be Dating Mr. Elusive

    This Manimal - Mr. Elusive - is a slippery fellow. Like a bar of soap, Mr. Elusive looks harmless while sitting in the soap dish. He smells quite nice, and the monogram etched into his form is attractive, alluring, the perfect accessory that adds panache to your powder room. He makes you feel incredible - like he is the boyfriend for which you have longed. However, once you touch the soap with wet hands you can be assured that this is one man to which you can not hold on. Mr. Elusive will not commit to long-term love. Perhaps he has been tainted, bitter from heartbreak that shattered his belief in love. Or, maybe he as become so accustomed to the freedoms that comes from living life as a bachelor he can't be bothered to have to visit your auntie in Maine or attend little Johnnie's birthday party. Either way, despite his charm, good looks and declarations of how much he enjoys spending time with you when you are in his embrace, he is not interested in changing himself, his lifestyle

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  • When it comes to dating, women don't want to waste time investing in a man who most likely isn't looking for a long-term relationship. However, most often the tell-tale signs are camouflaged with good looks, being taken to a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant, or even consistently following thru on the basics such as calling when he says he will call, or arriving on time for dates. He will pick you up. He is polite, and respectful. These men, however, fall into the category of the MANimal Species known as: Quality Casual.

    Mr. Quality Casual is truly a nice guy. He means well, however he really is not in a place in his life where he is ready, or able to make a commitment. Here are 7 signs to help you identify whether or not you are dating Mr. Quality Casual.

    1. When he asks you out, the date regularly starts past 8 p.m. Mr. Quality Casual always has something to do before he meets you. Unlike a Frat Boy who wants to meet you after he spends time at the bar with his
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  • Man Won't Commit? He May Be a Hunter

    One of the most alluring, yet dangerous MANimals to date is the Hunter.The Hunter is attractive, could "look good on paper" and can turn on the charm without hesitation.What's more, he is a master at enticing women into theFaux Relationship. AFaux Relationshipis one in which The Hunter receives girlfriend privileges, such as companionship, sex and Geisha-Girl type services without having to make a commitment.

    If you find yourself dating a Hunter, you may:

    1. occasionally cook him dinner, bring him his favorite coffee. or pick up take-out while he watches Monday Night Football (Geisha Girl Behaviors)The Hunter rarely, if ever, reciprocates.
    2. believe that you can change his behaviors, even though he has no desire to change.
    3. accept crumbs, believing that tiny morsels of attention are enough because he claims he is "busy," "has lots of friends," or is "temporarily short on cash."
    4. inherently believe that you are "different," or "special," which will ultimately
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