Blog Posts by Andrea Frazer, Good Housekeeping

  • Cranky Cranky Hanky Panky

    Ode To Rex - Who Needs Some Sex

    (Shut up, dear readers, that's the best title I have right now.)

    Vacation plans, well, they fell through

    So down the hill I rode with you

    Two hours there and two hours back

    We damn near had a heart attack

    And though we had a super 4th

    Our messed up plans left me off course

    I wanted to whine! And then complain!

    (Okay I did... I was a pain.)

    "Why can't things ever JUST WORK OUT!"

    Was all that I could scream and shout

    Oh sure, I made the most of it

    But in my heart, dude, I was pisxxxed

    On Sunday (before Karate Kid)

    Bxxxth bxxth bxxth is what I did

    And you just sat there, un-perterbed

    You didn't even say one word

    And when I finished, practically crying

    And all my complaints finished a-flyin'

    You said calmly, "Are you done?"

    And I said, "Yup" so we had fun.

    The moral of my way bad mood

    Was that one small change in attitude

    Really changed our entire day

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  • My Wabi Sabi Sex Life

    My personal blog sports the Japanese catch phrase of Wabi Sabi. This is the art of finding the perfection in imperfection.

    I feel so strongly about this particular concept I've considered writing a book about it. After all, it's not the end result of all "t's" crossed and "i's" dotted that makes life about as organized, civilized and BORING as a JC Penny Catalog. It's the "Oh my God I can't find the map but look go left and WOW check out that crazy new store and hey that looks like a fun place to eat and WASN'T THIS THE GREATEST WOOPSI-DO EVER" that make our earthly journeys electric, passionate and enlightening.

    Goodbye, shopping malls and hello thrift stores. Go away, chain restaurants and bring on the mom and pop stands. Juicy Couture? Bleeeech. But a vintage Orange Julius tee-shirt in just my size with nary a stain in sight? Bring it on!

    Some might call this attitude an excuse to make mistakes... to lower the bar... to live like a pig. (Oink!) But I have to

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  • The Office Tramp - Are You Worried?

    I'm always surprised by peoples' responses to my columns. This one was no exception. In it, I spoke about the effects of cheating in a marriage.

    I had written that Rex has never cheated. I must have received at least ten comments of the "How do you know your husband hasn't cheated?" or "You're one naive dumbaxx" variety.

    I've thought a lot about it over the past week, and truly, I see their point. (Not the part about me being a dumbaxx... the part about me having no idea if Rex is having an affair on me.) For all I know he's been sctupping the copy lady down the hall for ten years because he has thing for bad perms, nude nylons, and breasts that reek of Jean Nate. But honestly, I'd be about as shocked as I'd be to find out I'm pregnant with twins after the Big Snip-Snip of 2004.

    I've said it before: Rex won't cheat because he can't multi-task. "I can't be two places at once!" he always says. I'm going for the Gold by betting he can't be in two places at once either.

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  • Top 10 Kisses For Your Spouse

    Last night I was laying in bed with Rex when it dawned on me that we don't kiss much anymore. Sure, we smooch rushed "Goodbye's" every morning.

    When he comes home at night, we sometimes touch lips briefly in between dinner prep and prying kids off his knee caps.

    At night, however, I honestly can't say if we kiss or not. Sex? Yup. Fun stuff before nookie? Absolutely. But intimate, soul connecting kisses that last for eternity? Sadly, I can't recall the last time.

    In an effort to jump start my summer kissing campaign, I found this site which mentioned a whole bunch of pucker-up techniques. I've narrowed it down to my favorite top ten. I plan on springing a few on Rex this week.

    • 1. The Butterfly Kiss: "You bring your face very close to that of your partner and then, flutter your eyelashes rapidly." (Unless you have super short lashes, in which case grab a set of fake ones and feather those over your partner's lids instead.)
    • 2. The Earlobe Kiss: "Involves sipping
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  • Did You Marry A Grownup?

    What I respect the most about Rex is there's no doubt he's a man. His work ethic, his devotion to his kids, his commitment to me... it's more than appealing. Like the way he looks in his tie and pressed pants every day - it's downright sexy. He's a grownup.

    Of course, what I admire the most about my husband is the same thing that sometimes frustrates me. He is such a creature of habit. Sure, it's awesome when it comes to paying the bills or showing up to school functions on time. But some Saturdays, when I'd rather go to the beach, his "must mow the lawn... must get a haircut" routine gets old. I get frustrated. Why are other people dashing off to San Francisco for last minute summer holidays while we're doing the same old thing day in/day out? (And yes, I know I sound like a brat. Even a grown up like me with all the kids and responsibilities of Queen of Lego Removal/Ponytail Putter-Upper/Stepped on another rabbit Pellet Lucky Me sometimes misses the good old days of bonsai

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  • Summer Vacation Plans for Hubby? Who's That?

    It's been two weeks since my kids have been out of school. So far we've swam in two different pools, made water balloons, joined a library club, read a zillion books, been to friends' houses, made yearbooks, celebrated a few birthdays, rearranged bedrooms, cleaned windows, stayed up too late, gotten up too early, watched too much tv and computer and even survived the dreaded Chuck E. Cheese establishment today.

    As for what I've done with Rex, that would be a big fat nada.

    It's not that I don't care about him as much as the kids. It's just that I don't have the time. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. By the time my shift as Mary Poppins ends I'm feeling about as attractive as Nanny McPhee.

    But if actions speak louder than words, than the picture ain't all that pretty, now is it?

    Really, it's not good enough. Lucky for Rex, I'm catching myself from falling into the over-tired mama trap two weeks into the rut, instead of two months in.

    Lucky for me, Rex is able to roll

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  • Every Man's (and Woman's) Battle: Cheating

    We've all heard the expression, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

    I'm going to challenge you all today to justify that quote. Is that really true? Can no one ever change? Is it the ultimate trangression not worthy of forgiveness? Or can you move past it, avoiding the pain of divorce? I'd love to hear from you.

    I am fortunate that I've never been cheated on nor have I crossed the line on Rex. (Though I have had the occasional dream where a younger man, who likes country music, brews me coffee and scratches my back "just because". But this all happens while I'm slumbering - a complete different kind of sleeping around.)

    Perhaps because my trust has never been violated I am able to delve less emotionally into this touchy (pun intended) subject. I'm asking you to do the same. Again, I'm not asking you to condone cheating in marriage. I'm asking you to look at some reasons why people cheat.

    Like alcohol abuse - where it's never just about the drinking - extra

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  • 5 Gore-y Reasons to Stay or Leave a Marriage

    In this post I read quite a bit of opinions on why to stay, or why to leave, a marriage.

    Main reasons to stay included (from commenters, not me):

    1. Respect from parenting styles to hard work ethics.

    2. The good old fashioned "we have our ups, we have our downs" mentality. You stick around for the long haul.

    3. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. (No, smoking grass doesn't help the situation either.)

    4. It's not fair to the kids. AKA: "Okay" parents who tolerate each other are better than seperated ones.

    5. The devil you know is better than the one you don't.

    Main reasons to leave included (from commenters, not me):

    1. Physical or mental abuse.

    2. Drug or alcohol addiction.

    3. Adultery.

    4. Consistent arguing.

    5. Lack of a spark/boredom.

    While I'd be out the door in a heartbeat if Rex was ever abusive, I have to say that #5 on that last list seems kind of lame.

    Rick's comment said it best: "No wonder few

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  • Trimming Some Bush

    Let's face it - that overgrown feeling can get overwhelming. It's hard to find visual pleasure and relax. It might be tempting to let it go and bask in the wild side of life, but ultimately, maintenance is a must. Yup, after months - no years - of neglect, Rex and I trimmed the bushes in front of the cabin.

    Like familiar arguments, the roots of this vegetation ran deep. Some branches from the neighbor's yard had thorns that cut into our new gloves. Reminicent of some ex-boyfriends, a few had little pricks.

    There were some gnarly junipers to contend with, as well as some daunting trees that swayed hazordously close to our kitchen windows. Their branches were thick and unruly - a real pain in the Aspen.

    We knew it wouldn't be a simple job, but we felt a bit defeated in the beginning. His job: Chain sawing the thick branches. My job: Bagging the debris. 12 Hefty garbage bags later, we still hadn't reached the earth. Based on our three hours of work, we estimated it

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  • Do You Have a Hot Box?

    Okay, so it's not what you think. While I'm thrilled for you and your mate if you do, indeed, possess a "hot box" in the nether regions sense of the word, I am talking about if you go to bed with a man who occasionally passes wind under tight covers, leaving the air about as toxic as the smog we breathe in Los Angeles.

    I realize this subject is not classy, but it's a fact of life I live with on occasion. My girlfriends complain of the same thing. Perhaps some of you men have gripes with your spouses, too. It's a terrible feeling, not to mention about as sex inducing as cleaning the bathroom.

    Last night, Rex was a nightmare. I don't know what he ate at 12PM, but I didn't appreciate being tortured at 10PM. To make matters worse, each time one would fly, he would laugh and laugh like a kid. The more I'd balk, the more he'd laugh.

    I'm keeping this post short today. It's my kids' first day off school. The weather is exquisite. I have an inkling to talk a walk down the

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