Blog Posts by Tina Tessina

  • Dear Dr. Romance: Is This Unhealthy? What Should I Do?

    Dear Dr. Romance:

    Do I have an unhealthy celebrity obsession? I really need answers and help! I feel this is still unresolved? Does anyone else have an obsession with a particular celebrity to the degree that you wanna look, act, talk, dress and live like them. I do, I wanna look like her in photos if I dont I'm upset, I live like her as in if she does something then I do it, if she does her hair in a certain way I copy it that's how obsessed I am with looking like her. I'm asking if anyone else does this and I'm asking if this is uhhealthy and what should I do about it??

    Dear Reader:

    This is a self-esteem issue. You don't feel good enough about yourself, so you're trying to feel better by copying someone else. You need to repair your relationship with yourself. "True Beauty: Honor the God/Goddess Within You" will help you begin to reevaluate what attractiveness and self-worth are. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction helps you go through an in-depth process

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  • Aspects of Love

    Ah, love! What rapturous, torturous words have been set down to try and capture the essence of love. Those clever Greeks, who invented the Olympics, also invented many names for love-Cupid, Eros, Venus, Aphrodite-and each name represented an aspect of love. The ancient Greeks had several words for several categories of love-they did not attempt to squeeze all of it into four little letters! Eros was erotic, or sexual love; Philos was brotherly love; Agape was altruistic, spiritual love. The Latin poet Ovid spoke of amor ludens, or playful love-love as a game.


    Having separate categories like these can be very helpful in thinking and talking about how we love. In modern times, we speak of romantic love, mature love, parental love, innocent childlike love, friendship, and even intellectual love. And why not circumstantial love for those we become fond of because we're thrown together at work or some other activity-even though the relationship or friendship doesn't last once the

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  • Dear Dr. Romance: Why is My Ex Still Calling Me?

    Dear Dr. Romance:

    I was dating this guy for about two years. During the time that we were together we had some good times and bad. For one he was cheating on me with another girl then we got back together. During that time we worked hard to make the relationship work then I found out that he was sleeping with someone else. When I found this out, I finally left him alone.

    After our break up he has moved in with another female and he is constantly calling me atleast once or twice a week. Put it this way he will call to see how I am doing, what I am up to, he will call and ask me for advice, or he will talk about what he is up to and the changes he has made in his life. I have told him since he has a girlfriend to leave me alone and not to call me anymore. He has stated that he wants to be friends, I told him no and that he needs to be friends with his new girlfriend not me. He would also deny the fact that he was living with someone else but I knew he was. Sometimes I answer

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  • Dr. Romance Video: 5 Tips to Move on Emotionally After Divorce

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    Going through a divorce is devastating. You not only lose the marriage and break up your family; you also lose all the hopes and dreams you had for happiness here. Dr. Romance helps you to pick yourself up from the rubble and move on emotionally.

    Dr Romance's 5 tips to moving on emotionally after divorce

    1. If you gave it your best shot, and you know it's over, don't waste time in resentment and anger, it's self-destructive. Let go. Do your grieving, cry, journal, and talk about alone, or with a trusted friend. Have a "letting go" ceremony with close friends, and say goodbye to your married life. Put reminders away for a while.

    2. Don't hesitate to get therapy to help you through this transition, so you can grieve what's lost (even if you're the one who left, you've lost your hopes and dreams for this marriage) and move your focus on to building a good life in your new circumstance. A professional viewpoint will help you move from past to

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  • Getting Out of Your Way

    Recently, I wrote here about making the most of time. This month, I have been asked a lot about how people can overcome paralysis and self-sabotage, so I thought I'd pass on my ideas on the subject. Getting in your own way is all about how you relate your yourself. In addition to not managing your time effectively, there are many ways you can stop yourself from getting the most out of life-not enjoying what you have or have accomplished; not being able to get motivated, or finish what you begin; and having a negative focus, which leads to discouragement, anxiety, despair and even depression.


    Paralysis

    When you aren't able to get yourself motivated, to complete what you start, or to follow through when you need to, it's called emotional paralysis. The main factors that lead to paralysis are Lack of Self-Trust, Being Outer-directed, Overwhelm, Perfectionism and Negative Thinking. Let's look at each of these roadblocks, and what you can do about them:


    Lack of self-trust:

    When you

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  • Getting Along with Each Other

    In 1998, Richard and I had a marvelous opportunity to sail around the world as the ballroom dance teachers on a cruise ship. Many of the places we saw then, such as Oman, Jordan, Turkey, Morocco, Indonesia and Israel are in turmoil now, and not as safe for tourists. Last year, when Palestinian soldiers took refuge in the Church of the Nativity at Bethlehem and were under siege, I marveled that I had stood where they were, and I could picture the place as the news reports came in. Even when I was there, Israel and Palestine were struggling, as they have been since Israel was formed.


    When we docked in Haifa, Israel, we had only one day, so my Jewish friends, Murray and Sylvia (who had been there before) and I hired a cab driver who drove us through the entire length of Israel, to see as much as we could in twelve hours. Getting to Bethlehem was a lesson in world peace, and I want to share it with you, from my travel notes:

    After the long drive back from the Dead Sea, we reach the

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  • Gentle Persistence

    Have you noticed that nagging, whining, complaining, sternly directing, yelling, criticizing and freaking out don't seem to get you what you want from a partner, family member, friend, colleague or child? In a previous article, "Asking for What You Want," I explained how to ask cleanly and directly for what you want, and that being direct has a better success rate. While that's true, it isn't infallible. Sometimes, it's necessary to use a technique I call "gentle persistence."

    At times, no matter how good you are at communication techniques, the other person will still refuse to talk with you about certain topics. This can happen when you're brand new at negotiating, or even after you have had several successful, satisfying discussions. Even people who are used to working on things together can get stuck in stubborn refusal to talk, if they're anxious, stressed or pressured.There are a lot of possible reasons why either of you could be reluctant or unwilling to negotiate:
    • If
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  • Dear Dr. Romance: Now that We're Together, Things Have Changed

    Dear Dr. Romance:

    I have been dating this girl for 3 months now but we were talking and going on occasional dates for a good 5 months before we finally made it offical. Now that we are together things have changed. She ignores me when we are around friends and family. When I ask her if she wants to do something or just hang out she always finds an excuse and i end up finding out she went out with her friend at the last second. I finally tried talking to her about it and she said that she wasn't in the mood and every time I try to she just says the same thing. I really don't know what to I really do like her a lot, but I hate being treated like crap.

    Dear Reader:

    Apparently, she wasn't really ready to make it official. She's taking her distance from you. I recommend that you offer to go back to being just friends, and see what she says. You can't make her want to be nice to you, but you can let her go if she's not. Telling her you want to make it unofficial might be a

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  • Dr Romance Video: 3 Tips to Living with Someone Instead of Marriage

    To watch the video, click here.

    It's way too easy, in the throes of a new romance, to decide to live together without considering the problems that might arise. Dr. Romance gives you some things to think about before making the leap, to guarantee success.

    When dating and getting to know each other are going well, it's easy to make a big decision from all the energy, or for the wrong reasons. Moving in together for the wrong reasons, or without advance planning, can jeopardize the whole relationship; so do it thoughtfully.

    1. Make sure you know what your agreement is: Treat your living together situation as if you were non-romantic roommates. Before you move in together, discuss what living together means. Is it a commitment? Discuss your lifestyles - is one of you tidier? If one or both of you have children, who gets to discipline? How will you divide the space? If the home belongs to one of you, how will you equalize the living areas? You need to know the answers before

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  • Friends with Benefits

    If you're thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple.

    • If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive.
    • If you've done it before, and you know you can keep your feelings in check, you might be successful, but what about your friend? Are you sure he or she is aware of his or her own feelings and motives?
    • Think about it in advance and talk about it a lot.
    • Are you going to keep dating others while you're doing this FWB thing?
    • What if one of you falls in love with someone else?
    • What if you just want out of the deal after a while?
    • What if only one of you falls in love, instead of remaining friends?

    Keep talking throughout the FWB arrangement It sounds a lot more fun and easier than it really is.

    The benefit is being able to have sex with someone

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