I'm so tired of looking back at the resolutions of the past year and realizing they lasted no longer than a week, which is why this year, my resolutions for 2014 are way less ambitious.
1. Eat More Carbs
Screw gluten free, I'm going to add carbs and gluten to my diet with reckless abandon. Yep, I'll start each meal with a generous helping of bread and rolls onto which I will spread an obnoxious amount of butter. I'll stuff food into my mouth with such fervor it'll make other diners uncomfortable to watch. I also vow to eat everything à la mode, including ice cream.
2. Forget an Old Language
This year, not only am I not going to learn a new language, I'm going to let my brain atrophy to forget the one I already know. I'll watch endless episodes of Adventure Time and Regular Show. I'll quit doing crosswords and speaking in complete sentences. I'll break all grammatical rules: I will misplace modifiers, dangle participles and end sentences in prepositions. I willRead More »from 12 Awesomely Ridiculous Resolutions I Can Actually Keep