So you've met someone amazing. You find him handsome, sexy, funny, compassionate and intelligent. All of his crooked places fit your crooked places. After all it's not about seeking perfection because we aren't perfect ourselves. You are, however, looking for "the one" who is perfect for you. In Guyana we say, "Every moldy bread has its vroom vroom cheese," meaning that there is a king for every queen.
Finding someone that you can see co-creating your forever with is only half the battle. How do you move from a place of "I'm feeling you" to commitment? How do you reel in "the one?"
1. Choose masculine or feminine energy
First of all, let's move away from the concept of reeling him in. If you're out there trying to win someone's love, you should know that you are operating strictly in a masculine sphere. There's nothing wrong with that if that's the energy you want flow in, but feminine energy is receptive, vulnerable and yielding. Masculine energy is active and conquering. Again, to be clear, you don't have to be a feminine energy woman if you don't want to be. It's up to you. Just be aware that if you're a masculine energy woman that you need your complement as your ideal mate.
2. Evaluate what you bring to the relationship
Instead of searching for or reeling in the one, be the one. We spend so much energy trying to determine whether someone else is up to par for us. Are you all of the qualities that you're looking for? This may sound blunt, but if you are wanting to be a wife, are you wife material? Likewise, someone seeking to be a husband should be husband material.
Know who you are before trying to partner with anyone else. Don't bait and switch. Put all of your assets and liabilities on the table. Be willing to accept the object of your affection "as is" versus whatever "potential" you might imagine.
If all of your energy is focused on trying to figure out who is husband material you are on the wrong track. What are you bringing to the table? What's in it for the other person? Are you a soft place to land? Can someone feel comfortable spreading their dreams under your feet? Are you willing to commit to both the person AND to being in the relationship? Are you willing to give up your city, career or way of life for love? If not, then you may want to stay single and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm speaking to women who want a life partner. If you leave past relationships without trying to learn and grow from them you will continue to recreate the same situations. Wherever you go, there you are.
3. Be selective, not picky
Whenever I give talks to women about "the art of being picky," a few always confuse being selective with being standoffish. You should absolutely be selective in choosing your life partner. However, selectivity has nothing to do with an "I don't need anybody" attitude. There is a difference between needing your partner and being needy. There is nothing wrong with surrendering and needing the person you love. Yes, you are risking abandonment, betrayal and rejection -- but so are they -- and the gains are much greater.
Are you courting or just dating? You have decide that you want love more than you are afraid of it. Real men are givers, protectors and cherishers. They need you to need them, too.
4. Love yourself first
So what does self-love have to do with partnership? If you don't love you, why should someone else love you? Being grounded in your magnificent beauty is powerful, divine feminine energy. A real man will respect that. If you want someone to care for you, you first need to practice extreme self care for yourself. Take care of your total vessel inside and out. Treat yourself like a goddess if you expect someone else to.
5. Don't take shortcuts
The book "A Course In Miracles" says that those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait. Be clear and upfront about your parameters, boundaries and non-negotiables. If your patience doesn't yield you the object of your affection then he was not your man.
There's nothing to be gained by skipping steps. Be patient, be loving and be kind. Not everyone wants to tame your shrew. We often show much more empathy to our friends than we do to our significant others.
Happy dating, my loves, and choose wisely. A frog does not become a prince. Remember, life is a passionate experience, not a passive one.
If you want love, get in the game.
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