Common feelings women experience when dealing with an affair

Cheating is something very few talk about, but many experience. Facing the realities of having it done to you can be overwhelming, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes there are signs that your partner is being unfaithful that you simply overlook. Women tend to blame themselves because they feel they are inadequate. The truth is, that is not the case. After experiencing being cheated on in a relationship, it took me a long time to be at peace with what happened. These are the things I experienced when dealing with it, and why it was important to work through.


For a long time after I found out about the affair I blamed myself. I was dead set on the fact that he cheated because of something I said or did. As it turns out, it was not my fault. His feelings of inadequacy were his own and nothing I said or did sparked them. Now that I can look back and reflect on the entire situation, I realize how stupid I was for thinking this happened because of me. A weight was lifted off my shoulders after I dumped the responsibility guilt and moved forward.


This is almost too common. Who wouldn't be angry when they found out their partner was cheating? I deflected my anger to the person he cheated with, when it should have been sent directly to him. She didn't know about me at all, so why was it easier to blame her? After I channeled the feelings toward him, things changed. I was able to let go of the incident and move forward with healing. Anger will consume you whole if you aren't going to let it go. Holding on to those feelings only made me suffer, and it was not worth it.


I was incredibly hurt by the entire incident. It felt like someone reached into my chest and pulled my heart out and stomped on it in the street. It took days before I could fully talk about what happened without bursting into a full-blown sob fest. As the days went by, I was able to pull myself together and the crying outbursts lessened slowly. It has been a while since the incident occurred, and I am still trying to let go of the hurt and let my heart heal. The wound is no longer fresh, and some healing has begun.

I will never be able to have my heart whole again, but I am learning that what he did does not define who I am. As time goes by, the hurt slowly is disappearing. I can now say that I am at peace with what happened and I am dealing with it in the most appropriate ways possible. All of these emotions are normal when experiencing someone being unfaithful, and they will subside.

More from this contributor

My inner demons are taking a toll on my marriage

3 ways to keep the spark alive in your marriage

Ways to help your partner cope with tragedy