Are You in Denial? Stop Making Excuses and Date Him Already

It's hard to find a good man - there's no denying that. In the midst of our hectic lives, even with help from online dating sites, it may seem like it's impossible to fall in love. But for some women, dating is even harder because they become their own worst enemy. He can't wear a hat; he needs to have perfect teeth; he's too short; my brother's best friend's sister's work colleague dated him ten years ago and said he was cheap. Some women always have a reason why a guy isn't right and why they can't find love. Trust me, I used to be this type of woman!

The thing I learned later in life was to just relax and say "yes" to the date with the guy whose outfit might be a little mismatched. If he seems nice and acts like a gentleman, at least give him a chance. It can be a big relief to go on a date where your goal is to just have fun and let go. Plus, the clothes he's wearing may not even be a second thought once you get to talking. The bottom line, ladies, is that his tie, hair cut or the type of food he likes shouldn't be a deal-breaker. In fact, some men just need a woman's influence!

To help you get out of your own way and get the guy of your dreams, I've created a list of excuses you need to throw away when it comes to finding lasting love:

Related Link: The Key to a Lasting Relationship

1. "I can't find a good man." Phrases like, "There are no more good men," "It's impossible to find a match," or "I'm not good enough" do nothing but hold you back. Suzanne Casamento, creator of, says that "the evil part about excuses is that the more we make them, the more we believe them. So the first thing we need to do in order to get on the road to love is recognize the stories we tell ourselves." But how do we stop believing these falsities? "Once you identify your go-to excuse, take note every time you have the urge to use it. Then re-direct your energy towards flirting. Little by little, your confidence will grow and so will your love life."

2. "I have no time for me." Some people get too preoccupied with the dating scene and forget about themselves. However, if you shift your focus, you may find yourself finding love quicker than you were before. Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist, Dr. Romance and Chief Romance Officer of, suggests what she calls the "get a life" method. "Do activities that you enjoy. Meet other people and create a new social circle," she suggests. "If you're doing things that are meaningful to you, you'll automatically have something in common with anyone you meet there."

3. "I don't want to have another broken heart." "Women make excuses out of fear of being hurt," says media psychiatrist and bestselling author Carole Lieberman, M.D. "They've been rejected or dumped by men before and are afraid that it will happen again." If you find yourself guilty of making excuses, ask yourself why you're becoming your own obstacle. Learn to move forward and be open to love again.

Related Link: Is He In It for the Long Haul?

4. "I won't get anything out of that relationship." A lot of women who are having trouble finding love are looking for someone who will benefit them rather than looking for a relationship that is beneficial to both parties. Allana Pratt of Intimate Conversations with Allana explains, " Choose to have relationships that go both ways. Don't get the guy to fill the void in your heart; that makes you needy, which pushes him away. Get into joyous action meeting people until you find one that makes your heart sing."

5. "Dating just isn't for me." Too many women get frustrated with dating and give up. If you're not having luck meeting anyone online, go out with friends. If you never meet anyone when you're with your friends, join a club, group or some type of activity that you enjoy. Don't just stop at the first try either. Sign up for an online dating site and set a goal to go on a two dates a week for the next month. Say "yes" to events and invitations that comes your way - no matter how boring they may sound. If you're able to remain confident, flexible and open, dating will be easier to enjoy.

Lori Bizzoco is the Executive Editor of, a first-of-its-kind website that takes the latest celebrity news and repackages it to help singles and couples navigate their love lives. She is a sought after relationship and entertainment expert who has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Newsday, Chicago-Tribune, Working Mother, Woman's Day, Redbook, Parenting, and on Fox News, The Suze Orman Show, WebMD,, JDate, YourTango, and more. She's appeared in two books, 'No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think about Power' by feminist icon Gloria Feldt and 'Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband)' by Andrea Syrtash. Today, has more than one million unique visitors per month.