With Christmas right around the corner, Ellen provided some advice for last-minute shoppers attempting to navigate the underworld that is the mall.
Ellen focused on parking, and pointed out stereotypical parkers we all need to avoid. "The Crosser," she noted, "Just when it looks like she's about to go to that car, she crosses through those cars and goes to the other aisle."
Follow Ellen's tips, and you'll get into the mall quicker (we hesitate to say quickly).
Plus, here are some additional holiday hazards and ways you can avoid them:
1. Long lines at the register: Do not get in lines behind people who are returning items, or who look like they have questions. You can tell if they have questions, if they are carrying different versions of the same item or wearing glasses. Choose the cashier who looks like a drill sergeant. Don't be blindsided by The Perk, she will want to talk to you about Christmas dinner. Also, bring your Kindle.
2. Kids who've mistaken the mall for the playground: First, give the kid's parents the "Your Kid Is Making Everything More Difficult" smile. It looks like this:
If that doesn't work, take the toy the kid is eying and put it into your basket… just kidding. Take all the toys! No, seriously, stick with the smile. If the kid starts crying, everyone loses.
3. Dry mouth and fatigue: It gets intense in the Inferno, therefore you must remember to stay hydrated. Bring a water bottle with you, and know what stores provide free samples. You can usually cash in on apple cider at Williams-Sonoma, and if there's frozen yogurt in the food court, ask to try every flavor. Or just sit in the food court for awhile and wait for the people with trays to come around. Don't go to Godiva because what looks like a sample is five bucks down.
4. People who cluster around the Santa Claus house: Under no circumstances should you go anywhere near the Santa Claus house when it's this close to the big day. Last-minute shopping = last-minute demands. If you need something at a store that surrounds it, give your friend cash and tell them to go back when there's peace on Earth.
5. Sore feet: Wear your running shoes, because the game is only for players who take it seriously. Also, take advantage of those coin-operated massager La-Z-Boys.
6. People at kiosks who are trying to put lotion on your hands: Pretend like you're on a business call when you walk by. Make sure it's business, don't fake a convo with your grandmother. They're ruthless.
7. Confusing discounts: The item is only on sale a certain day, but if you buy two then you get 25 percent off the second, but only if it's already reduced and ALL SALES ARE FINAL. Sound familiar? Our advice is to get what you want, take it to the register, and tell the cashier what discount you were led to believe you had. The customer's always right! Especially when it's the holidays and those Manolos were listed for a dollar.
Lastly, our #1 tip of all: Gift Cards. It gets you out of the mall quickest, and you'll never have to go back.