10 Halloween Costume Ideas that Are Both Sexy and Respectable

The problem with many sexy Halloween costumes isn't that they involve very little clothing, it's that they often just don't involve very much thought. This Halloween, you don't have to simply wear lingerie and then throw on some devil horns or cat ears as an afterthought. There's no reason your sexy outfit can't be clever, humorous, inventive, or interesting.

By David Ingber

1. "Kristen Stewart"
Who's it for? Anti-Hollywood counter-culturists; Snow White and Huntsman superfans.
What to wear: Choose any beautiful gown you already own (preferably with some sheer element) and splash on some incongruously gothic-looking make-up. Starting October 21, do not wash your hair. Make sure to spend the entire night looking bored, like there are a thousand places you'd rather be. If you are heading to a Halloween potluck, bring a thick, hearty alphabet soup, but remove A through J and L through Z. K Stew!
Added Benefits: It's a great costume if you genuinely are going to a party that you don't really want to attend. Doesn't that describe at least 65% of people over the age of 26?

2. "A Same-Sex Couple of Barilla Pasta Boxes"
Who's it for? Liberal stand-takers; Atkins dieters who fantasize about carbs.
What to wear: A cardboard mock-up of those iconic blue Barilla pasta boxes. This works way better with two hot people of the same sex, hand-in-hand, walking proudly down the street.
Added benefits: Liberals will stand and applaud everywhere you go, and they will certainly back you if a fight breaks out between you and some people dressed as Chick-fil-A employees.

Related: 20 Iconic Children's Character Sexy Halloween Costumes

3. "The Selfie"
Who's it for: The modern, Instagramming woman.
What to wear: Your regular sexy clubbin' clothes, but fashion some sort of rectangular frame so only two-thirds of your face is visible. And ideally, your outstretched arm should look like an alien tentacle at all times. Bonus points if a thick layer of bronzer reads as a sepia filter.
Added benefits: You'll probably have to explain your costume to pretty much everyone. IRL conversation starter! We gotta get off our phones! 2013 soapbox!

4. "Slutty Marie Curie"
Who's it for: Historians; scientists; herstorians.
What to wear: Your skimpiest bloomers and most revealing girdle. Just because she discovered polonium doesn't mean she didn't have hedonistic tendencies. Go nuts! Tell the hottest guy you see that you two have "chemistry," and then offer him a radioactive shot of tequila out of a test tube.
Added benefits: If you explain your costume to a guy who thinks that Marie Curie was Hank's wife on Breaking Bad, you'll know in advance that this relationship is probably not making it too far past breakfast.

5. "Sexy Fighting Chicken From Family Guy"
Who's it for: Fans of early 2000s references.
What to wear: There's a shockingly exhaustive list of sexy animal costumes one can buy online. Find yourself a sweet sexy chicken costume (weird enough as is), and simply add a few post-fight bruises and stitches to your face.
Added benefits: No one will mess with you! Except maybe women dressed as "Sexy Peter Griffin," who will definitely do you.

6. "Me, But Four Hours From Now"
Who's it for: The person who has no costume at 7:30pm on October 31st, but wants to make it look like this was the plan all along.
What to wear: The clothes you'd wear to any old party, but plaster some (fake?) vomit on your shirt before you even go to the party. Wear just one shoe if you are willing to risk tetanus for physical humor.
Added benefits: Your night becomes infinitely more relaxing, as you don't have to worry about vomiting for real. And if you do, hey, you were just committing to the character! Stanislavsky Halloween!

7. "Whorish Senator Ted Cruz"
Who's it for: Rabid liberals (who do things ironically); rabid conservatives (who don't understand irony); no one else.
What to wear: A man's power suit and an obnoxious smirk that says, "Um, yeah, I know what it means to be a woman. I'm in Congress after all!" Bring along some Dr. Seuss literature to get mad props for your props.
Added benefits: You can spend your night spitting nonsensical rhetoric about family values and cherrypicking Biblical verses to blindly believe in. Maybe you'll black out, and wake up the next morning owning a gun!

Related: 10 Sexy Halloween Costumes

8. "The Escaped Hospital Patient"
Who's it for: Someone who just doesn't trust that there will be enough booze at the party.
What to wear: Get your hands on a hospital gown (showing your exposed butt to the world = optional = super gross on subway benches), and roll around an I.V. stand with a baggie filled with vodka.
Added benefits: If your friends get really bored and/or drunk, they can spend part of their night convincing a police officer that it's not a costume, that they're really worried about you, and that someone really should escort you back to Jessica Lange's American Horror Story Asylum.

9. "The Your/You're Fairy"
Who's it for: Crusading social media users who can't believe how many of their friends lack a fundamental understanding of very common words.
What to wear: Just a classroom whiteboard strategically covering parts of your body. You'll have the attention of every guy you see. Use this opportunity to write a few exemplary educational sentences to help eradicate all future Match.com messages that tragically say, "your hot!"
Added benefits: For a couple's costume, your significant other can go as the "Their/There/They're Conquistador."

10. "One of the Blurred Lines Video Girl
Who's it for: Modern feminists who will do a subversive take on the misogynistic undertones of this video as a comment on our society; non-feminists looking for a vaguely topical excuse to wear almost nothing.
What to wear: The music video features a few hot outfits to choose from (if you're going to wear nothing but a nude thong, you should check with your local magistrates first to determine the legality of walking around completely topless). Make sure to have a variety of hashtags, written in big red letters, ready to hold up across your body at a moment's notice. I would recommend #myfaceisuphere and #yourbreathyikes.
Added Benefits: There is a 100% chance that you will hear "Blurred Lines" at least once during any Halloween party. When that happens, you can laugh at the girl dressed up as a Werewolf Bat Mitzvah for thinking this party would have novelty party songs.

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