Crop tops are NOT real-woman-approved.Crop tops
The navel-baring shirts last seen in the 90s were everywhere this year. And since people have become more knowledgeable about body strength and toning since the last time the crop top came around, the 2013 iterations are designed to reveal a careful sliver of perfect, Pilates-toned abs. Yeah, we're gonna have to pass.
Whether or not these still carry a heavy association with Julia Roberts's outfits in Pretty Woman is up for debate, but the main reason we just can't get on board is because who has time to yank on tall boots with everything else that happens during the morning rush? Some days we think Toms and other slip-ons are a special form of divine intervention.
Call us old-fashioned, but we really like being able to wear undergarments with our dresses.
And sheer skirts
What is the point of a long dress that requires a 1950s bathing suit underneath? Who wants to worry about the state of their bikini line when their legs are ostensibly covered by a sweeping skirt? And do celebrities intentionally make it hard for themselves to pee? (These are things we think about.)
The jumpsuit has been making a slow and steady comeback for several years now (we saw a huge rack of 'em at H&M this week), so it was inevitable that its more casual denim cousin would work its way back too. Why do we protest? Because as any mom knows, clothing that adds to the time it takes to use the bathroom also increases the likelihood you'll come back to the entire contents of the toy chest scattered on the floor and a toddler with a mischievous grin sitting somewhere in the midst.
No matter what your ethical stance on wearing it, sporting a bright-red, furry vest just feels akin to giving someone an artificially dyed blue rose.
Clothes with cutouts just violate the basic principles of economics: Why pay the same price for less dress? The Lean In entrepreneurs within us simply cannot abide
Music festival attire
As music festivals become more and more popular (at least according to Instagram and celebrities journeying to Indio every spring for Coachella), the bohemian ensembles favored by performers at the original Woodstock have increasingly seeped into everyday-wear. Except you end up looking kind of odd when you're picking up milk dressed like Janis Joplin, telling the cashier to "Take another little piece of my card" as you hand over your AmEx.
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