Cate BlanchetteWe learned so many valuable things at the Golden Globes last night. We learned that even if you're a long shot for your award, it's a mistake to mix quaaludes with your champagne. We learned that the greatest perk of being a Golden Globes host is sitting in the lap of as many gents as you please. But, most importantly, we learned who we most want to win the Academy Awards. Sure, we already had our opinions based on quality of performance and overall track record. But what really matters is this: who will entertain us most? When the running time starts to lag and Ellen has run out of jokes, which acceptance speeches are most likely to make the Oscars zip? Based on what we saw last night, that would be these five. Here's hoping they get a chance at an encore.
5. Cate Blanchett -- Best Actress, Drama. Even though our awards experts have been calling Cate as the winner for a while now, it wasn't a lock that she would beat out Sandra Bullock's much-lauded spin in Gravity. But thank heaven she did. Because as enjoyable as Sandy always is, I'm not sure she could have topped Cate Blanchett trying to keep her dress from eating her face while she talked about vodkas. Keep bringing that A-game to the Oscars, Cate; nothing is in the Academy's wheelhouse more than a couple of timely Judy Garland zingers.
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4. Jared Leto -- Best Supporting Actor. Leto has long been a favorite to win for Dallas Buyers Club, but now that we know he might spend Oscar night talking about bubble butts and Brazilian wax jobs? Oh, we're all in. Plus, if it means we get to see Bradley Cooper's bitchface when Leto beats him again, it will all be worth it.
3. Alex Ebert -- Best Score. You'd think that if we picked one music act to see again at the Oscars, it would be U2 and Bono for this monumental shade thrown in the general direction of Diddy. But we have to give our musical love to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros' Alex Ebert for not only killing it with the Diddy impression, but for putting Jared Leto's sloppy updo to shame. This is how you do formal man-hair, Leto: confusingly and Helena Bonham Carter-ly. So, Alex, we hope you and your "is that a badger?" hair return on Oscar Sunday.
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2. Jennifer Lawrence -- Best Supporting Actress. At this point, it just makes good business sense to give Jennifer Lawrence awards. If you give her an award, she'll say something adorable or trip on her dress and make us all glad to be alive in the era of JLaw.
1. Matthew McConaughey -- Best Actor, Drama. We were already hugely in McConaughey's camp after the absolutely remarkable year he's had. In no fewer than three incredibly great performances, he managed to drawl his way in and out of the bayou, Wall Street, and the intensive-care unit. He'll have a tough time beating Robert Redford, Bruce Dern, and the other stiff competition when they consolidate the Drama and Comedy category come Oscar time, but we're rooting for Matt now more than ever. Because even with the McConaugh-ssaince in full swing, we never expected this. A chorus of "alright alright alright"s? Most people would be crazy to go full Wooderson! Well done, Matt. Now do it again.
Honorable Mention: Emma Thompson. For everything. For every single second of this. Now, listen, it was a busy year. If she doesn't even get nominated for Saving Mr. Banks, we'll understand. It's hard to compete against all those Blanchett meltdowns and Adams necklines. But if lovely Emma is not nominated, then we demand she present all the awards, Louboutins in hand. Thank you very much, indeed.
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