Just Say No to the Monocle

By Max Berlinger, Esquire — When it comes to "New York Times" trend pieces, there's two schools of thought: They're either hopelessly behind the curve or the newspaper of record is just making shit up. The latest declaration to come down from the Gray Lady — that the monocle is gathering steam as the new eyepiece of choice amongst in-the-know young folk — falls firmly in the latter category.

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The monocle? Christ.

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While writer Allen Salkin sure does try to rustle up a few facts and figures to support his claim — sales are up, that a single aspiring rap musician wears one, and that a trend forecaster places it firmly in some pseudo-movement called "the new gents" (ugh) — he ultimately throws his hands up at the whole matter before coming to the conclusion that "Monocles are hardly everywhere." Uh, O.K. So why the 580-word love letter about it?

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Regardless, here's our verdict: Don't wear a monocle. Hopefully, you didn't need us to tell you that. No one should be chasing trends to begin with, but you definitely shouldn't be chasing fabricated, unsubstantiated trends that look ridiculous. If our venerable mascot Esky didn't rock the monocle in the 1930s, then you should't try to be on the first wave of its feigned revival.

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