Madonna's first clothing line was insane. If you were born this century, here's what you missed.

No, I'm not talking about Madonna's Material Girl collection at Macy's. I'm talking about her very first collection with the clothing brand, Wazoo. Record scratch.

Wazoo talking about, Willis? Please refer to this article in a 1985 issue of the teen idol bible Bop, which this blogger so graciously scanned for the greater good.

Back when Madge was still making love to Sean Penn and Lourdes was still a reference to a commune in France, she collaborated with a clothing company called Wazoo (yeah, I know what wazoo means, but she didn't) on a line of purple satin coats, teal ankle-length skirts and waiter's jackets stuffed with shoulder pads plush enough to merit sleep number technology.

And that's not all Madonna's curated line offered. For more a "casual and everyday look" there's a "French terry cowlneck shirt and matching skirt," also known as a towel.  And check out that brain damage bow!

At the cornerstone of the '80s Madonna look are accessories. "Cross earrings and silver necklaces," also rolled down tights.

Apparently, gladiator sandals made an earlier comeback than we realized. "Gladiator sandals and pumps with rolled down stockings can add just the perfect touch," according to Bop's fashion editors who are now probably in their 50s. "Shoes are not just for walking anymore, they're for fun!" Shoes for fun? Get out.

In all serious, I would swap two-thirds of my current wardrobe for everything on these two awkwardly posed models playing-peek-a-boo. I think it's time we bring back Madonna's Wazoo.

Stop it. You know what I mean.