The Myth of Long Hair

As I chat with various women I know, one topic always comes up.....hair. Most of my friends have long, flowing, shiny, perfect hair. I, on the other hand, have short hair that is an ever evolving creation. Some times it is way short and blond or sometimes it is a little longer and dark brown. My friends all say they LOVE my hair and wish they were "brave enough" to cut theirs. But, the most common statement is "My husband would kill me if I cut my hair" I am lucky enough not to have to deal with the "pissing my husband off" issue...my husband could care less if my hair was purple and cut into a Mohawk. I, however, have always wished that I could have their lush's locks. So, I decided to give long hair a try. I got extensions put in. First of all, they cost a fortune and apparently certain hair types are more preferable that others............who knew! Second, it takes FOREVER to put them in. The time depends on the type of extensions you want......again........who knew there were so many types!! Lastly.....they HURT LIKE HELL. I have never seen so many torture devices that were meant for hair. I was honestly scared when I saw them. So, after 5 hours, many tears, a ton of money, and even more beer, I had gorgeous, long flowing hair for the first time in 10 years!! WOW, I loved it. I wanted to stand in front of a fan and feel it blowing around like a model. That night, I went to bed dreaming of my model hair and how it was going to look glistening in the sun.

Reality hit when I got up in the morning and I got into the shower. The moment my "hair" was wet, it became a 20 pound weight hanging from my head. Then, came time to wash it with shampoo. As I tried to run my fingers through my new locks, it felt more like I was turning into the Terminator than a model. By the term "terminator" I mean the little metal brackets that are used with a pair of pliers........yes that is right......pliers like out of your husband's tool box...to painfully pinch the hair into place. To top it all of....my scalp was sore, incredibly sore. Once I was out of the shower, I had the daunting task of drying and styling my hair. OH MY GOSH!! . Between the blow drying, flat ironing, trying to make sure that my terminator parts were covered, and clipping in the clip in extensions, I had spent over an hour JUST on my hair. Now, with my previous short hair, the MOST amount of time I had spent in my hair was 15 minutes. I was NOT HAPPY!!!

When I made my grand entrance with my new hair, everyone LOVED it so; I forgave the enormous amount of time I had to spend. My first day with long hair was a success!!! But, then the process had to start over again the next day......and the next...and the next! I was getting irritated with my dang "clip in" hair and the constant worry that my terminator parts were showing. I wanted people to see natural looking hair and not the medal parts holding my fake hair in! So, I called my friend who put my extensions in. She had a solution.........a new type of extensions.....once again....who knew there was such a plethora of fake hair to choose from. This time she put in what only could be described as "tape hair". It was hair that was weaved into a clear piece of plastic and sandwiched between my hair and MELTED together with a very small and very HOT flat iron. Yes, that is right MELTED!!

As I was getting burned, I kept thinking that I was going to be bald when all this stuff came out. This wasn't the best idea I have had. Sadly, I was right. Other new hair issues kept popping up. For one, my "chia-pet" hair (as I so fondly started to call it) always turned into a tangled rats nest in the back. My husband constantly complained. Next, my new hair was turning brittle and looking more like straw than hair. To top it all off, I was getting little sores under the brackets. I had had enough!! My chia-hair had to go. I called my friend and after another long and painful time, I had short hair once again. So now when I see my friends with their long hair that takes hours to do and requires endless maintenance, and hear how their husband would "kill them" if they cut it short, I think…screw that!!

I did, however, learn an interesting fact. Men are fascinated by extensions. Most of them had never heard of extensions. I actually had to explain that my hair hadn't magically grown since the last time they saw me. They wanted to know what they were made of and could not grasp the fact that they were made of human hair that women had sold. It took a while to make them understand....then they were grossed out! They also spent a great of time examining how the hair was held in place. Most of them had the tools to do extensions in their tool boxes. It was quite amusing! Anyhow, that is it.........my adventures with long hair!