10 Things You Should Never Tell Yourself If You're Trying to Lose Weight

By Linda Melone

Overeating and skipping the gym aren't the only ways to derail your weight-loss efforts: Simply telling yourself certain things could program your brain for failure. "When we consciously make negative statements about our abilities, it gets embedded in the subconscious, which can then control our behavior," says Anandhi Narasimhan, MD, a Los Angeles-based psychiatrist. What's even trickier: Some sabotaging self-talk doesn't sound that harmful! Steer clear of the following common statements to get back on the right mental track. Photo by Getty Images.

1. "I always..." and "I never..." All-or-nothing statements, like "I always choose the unhealthiest meal at restaurants" and "I never work out as hard as I should," cause you to do that exact behavior, says Dr. Narasimhan. You feel you can't help yourself, so these become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dr. Narasimhan suggests instead vowing to "get better every day at achieving my healthy diet and exercise goals."

2. I can't change that I'm an emotional eater. If you reach for ice cream, chocolate or other comfort foods when you're having a bad day, you're not alone. Studies show a link between stress and eating high-fat foods and sweets. The problem: Merely believing "you'll eat a lot or poorly when experiencing a difficult emotion can trigger that behavior," says Dr. Narasimhan. When you're tempted to reach for a cookie after a rough day, tell yourself, "My emotions don't control my behavior. I can choose to be healthy." Then, go for a walk, call a friend or read a gripping novel.

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3. I don't have time to follow a healthy diet. Again, tell yourself this, and your subconscious will make your thoughts a reality, says Dr. Narasimhan. This self-defeating talk provides less motivation to spend time on following a healthy diet; hence, no results, says Dr. Narasimhan. "You may fill up your time with other things and not manage time well while continuing unhealthy behaviors." Swap the negatives with this statement: "I will make time to follow a healthy diet. My health is important to me, and I make time for important things."

4. I have to lose (insert number) pounds by (insert month). While this may sound like a great weight-loss goal, setting a certain amount to lose by a specific date can lead to failure and frustration, says Jonathan Alpert, a New York City psychotherapist and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. "Instead, set weight-loss goals within a range." For example, strive for seven to 12 pounds within a fixed time frame. This more flexible goal, though still with a deadline, helps eliminate disappointment if it doesn't work out. "Better yet, focus less on the number and more on the feeling you're hoping to achieve," recommends Alpert. For example, aim to be more energetic or flexible, stronger or leaner.

5. I should go to the gym. Telling yourself you "should" do something is passive, rather than action-oriented, says Alpert. Commands such as "I will go to the gym" are more effective, he adds. "And unlike the number of pounds you want to lose, this statement works better when it's specific." For example, "I will take the 6:00 spinning class on Mondays and Wednesdays." This allows your brain to commit to something definitive and makes it harder to simply not go, says Alpert.

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6. I lost only two pounds. Dramatic weight loss in reality shows makes it easy to shrug off small increments of progress. Problem is, this sets the standard too high, making any accomplishment not seem good enough, explains Alpert. Recognize that weight loss is a process and more about a lifestyle change. "Change the self-talk to something more encouraging," he suggests. For instance, "I've lost two pounds, which tells me I'm moving in the right direction toward my goal."

7. I had a horrible day, so I deserve this treat. Rewarding yourself this way opens the door for treating yourself every day, says Carole Lieberman, MD, a Beverly Hills, CA, psychiatrist. Can't you find something to label as "horrible" every day? Instead, tell yourself, "I had a bad day, but I can turn it around by sticking to my diet and feeling good. I don't want to ruin my day more by eating something bad for me." Then, buy a new lipstick, get a massage or call a friend.

8. I blew it today, so I'll start fresh tomorrow. Eating a slice of birthday cake at work doesn't have to set the tone for the entire day. "If you rationalize that, since you already spoiled the day, you might as well have something else fattening, it becomes a never-ending downward spiral and 'tomorrow' never comes," says Dr. Lieberman. A smarter response: "I indulged more than I should have, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'll try to make up for it by being extra careful with what I eat the rest of the day."

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9. I didn't lose any weight this week, so my efforts aren't working. Progress isn't only about the number on the scale but also about a lasting change to your relationship with food, says Adam Silberstein, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of The Source Health and Wellness Treatment Center in Los Angeles. "If you look at not losing weight as failure, you may ask yourself, 'Why bother continuing?'" he points out. When this thought pops in your head, turn it around by saying, "How wonderful that I'm honoring my commitment to eating healthy."

10. I'll start next Monday. Mondays may signal a fresh start and seem like the perfect time to begin a diet. But waiting for ideal conditions to embark on your new healthy lifestyle may keep you waiting forever. "Monday is just an arbitrary time designation," says Dr. Silberstein. "If you miss your Monday marker, it can be viewed as a violation of the 'ideal start time' and serve as an invitation to indulge for another seven days." Combat this by remembering now is a good time to take action. "Even though it's cliché, there really is no time like the present," says Dr. Silberstein.

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