The 11 Biggest Problems Couples Face in Winter--and How to Solve Them

By Jane Bianchi

The winter months can take a toll on relationships. For one, cuddling is complicated in puffy coats. For another, a caress from an ice-cold hand is hardly a turn-on. Daylight is scarce, which can bring you down, and holidays such as Christmas and Valentine's Day carry expectations that can lead to disappointment. But there are easy ways to prevent the chilly season from derailing your romance. Take a look at these common winter problems and the simple solutions that'll keep you smiling until spring. Photo by Getty Images.

1. You're spending too much time with your guy. If your partner's the only person you've talked to in the past week because you live together and haven't ventured outside, you're bound to get on each other's nerves. "Schedule phone and Skype dates with long-distance buddies," recommends Samantha Sutton, PhD, a life coach and founder of Samantha Sutton PhD Life Solutions. Just talking to other people-even if your partner is in the next room-helps because "you're happiest when tending to all aspects of you, and you need to engage more than one person to address them all," Dr. Sutton says. Plus, aren't you more likely to be affectionate with your partner when you're happy?

2. You're fighting over outdoor chores. Divvy up tasks like shoveling snow and walking the dog, so one of you isn't always stuck braving the cold. You could simply take turns doing each task or have "the person who cares most about it do it," says Dr. Sutton. If your husband's always anxious about shoveling, let him cover that, and offer to walk the dog in return. If he doesn't do his part? "Ask how you can help. Maybe he hates going through the cluttered garage to find the shovel, so you can leave it on the porch for him," says Dr. Sutton.

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3. A storm ruins your plans and causes tension. "Think about the what-ifs in advance," suggests Fran Walfish, PsyD, a child, couple and family psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA, and author of The Self-Aware Parent. "If your child has a snow day and you and your partner have to work, know that you'll take her to Aunt Sally's house or to daycare. Don't wing it-that brings out the devil in all of us." Still facing a crisis? "Look at it like a fun challenge. If your flight's delayed, your guy can stand at the counter while you call the airline. See who solves the problem first," says Dr. Sutton.

4. You're cooped up and arguing over which TV show to watch. One obvious solution: Tune in to two different shows if you have two screens. "You can cuddle after and talk about what you watched," says Dr. Walfish. Or switch off choosing what you view together. Just don't get bummed if you don't like his pick. "Watch what he laughs at or gets mad about, and ask why later," suggests Dr. Sutton. "Many women complain that men don't share enough, so this is a way to get them to open up," says Dr. Sutton.

5. Valentine's Day made things awkward. "Many women expect the man to plan a special night out; when he doesn't, they're disappointed," says Irina Firstein, LCSW, an individual and couples therapist in New York City. Have regular discussions with your partner to make sure that you're on the same page expectations-wise. If you want your guy to plan more romantic date nights, tell him that it'd make you feel appreciated. And keep in mind that "your partner may be showing his affection through his own 'love language,'" says Dr. Sutton. Spontaneous back rubs and kitchen clean-ups count.

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6. You can't agree on the thermostat. If your man likes the house at 68°F and you prefer 76, perhaps compromise with 72. Otherwise, the cold person needs to take one for the team. "You can always bundle up with layers," says Dr. Walfish. (When you're hot, on the other hand, you can only take off so many clothes.) Another option is to bring a portable space heater wherever you go, recommends Dr. Sutton. "You don't need to heat the whole house, just the area where you are."

7. You're both gaining weight. Icy roads make it harder to exercise, and many wintry comfort foods are loaded with calories. All that can lead to extra cushion, which isn't exactly a libido-booster, since you may feel unattractive and sluggish. Try cooking at least one healthy meal together a week, suggests Dr. Sutton. Also consider replacing hot cocoa with hot tea, recommends Dr. Walfish. At restaurants, order something healthy, and your guy may follow your lead, says Dr. Sutton. And try YouTube workouts in your living room or get a one- to six-month gym membership to make it through the cold season.

8. The lack of daylight is making you both moody. Take advantage of any available sunlight, even if you go outside for just a few minutes during the day. Running a quick errand on your lunch break, for instance, can perk you up because it boosts serotonin (a feel-good hormone) in your brain. When you have the time and money, plan a short weekend trip somewhere warm and sunny. "Even a brief getaway supports your wellbeing," says Firstein.

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9. Winter clothes are an obstacle to intimacy. It's harder to hug in snow-covered jackets, and it's more difficult to hold hands while wearing thick mittens. Plus, shapeless winter clothing isn't as flattering as, say, a flirty summer dress or a fitted men's t-shirt. Here's one thing you can do: Wear lacy lingerie underneath it all. "When your guy finally peels off all the layers, there will be a surprise gift underneath making it worth the effort," says Dr. Walfish.

10. Dry, flaky skin doesn't make you feel sexy. Bathing together can do wonders for your skin and bring you two closer at the same time. "Add drops of a scented oil, like lilac or lavender, to make the water smell great," says Dr. Sutton. "Light candles while you're at it," adds Dr. Walfish. Then, massage lotion onto each other's bodies. It can relax you and put you in the mood.

11. You're bickering over where to spend the holidays. Handle the holidays the same way children of divorce do, says Dr. Walfish: Alternate. Visit one person's family for Thanksgiving and the other's family for Christmas, and then switch the next year. "That way, there's no discussion. You just stick to the arrangement," she adds. If you're still arguing about where to go, there's probably a deeper, lingering issue, warns Firstein. "The holidays are a catalyst-not the problem. Get to the root of it and explore the real conflict." Maybe your mom hurt your husband's feelings months ago and he's holding a grudge. Remember that the holidays are about celebrating another year with the person you love, so it doesn't matter where you are, suggests Dr. Sutton.

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