Get him to listen to you

Sometimes your guy's attention isn't focused where you want it to be: on you. Maybe he's spent the last month obsessing over the playoffs, and when he wasn't doing that, he was fiddling with his work email on a Blackberry, or simply wondering how the heck he got sucked into digging David Archuleta in his Idol time. No matter what his distractions, they're no excuse for spacing out when you're trying to tell him about your lousy work day or give him the latest update on your sister's fiancé.

So how do you make him swivel his neck back into proper position-and keep his attention squarely focused on you? Speak his language. After all, if you can keep him from drifting away, it'll help keep you from drifting apart.



Ask him for help up front

Guys know that half the reason you're telling us about your problem is because you need to vent, and that means you need us to just listen. And we respect that. But you can ensure that he'll be more focused on your problem if you tell him from the start, "Honey, I need your help on something." That gives him a task, a challenge, a responsibility. Even if you already know what to do, ask him for his input. It'll make him feel like you're also focused on him, and trust him to see you through whatever's bothering you.

Bury the lead

It's an old phrase that journalists use when they wait until the fifth paragraph to tell you the news. You can use the same tactic to keep his attention. Instead of saying that your mom called you today to tell you that Ruffles, the 15-year-old family cat, passed, draw the story out a bit. Tell him your mom called, she sounded sad, she said she didn't want to call, but she needed to, and so on. One of the reasons why guys love sports so much is that they don't know the outcome at the opening kickoff. So start the clock, but don't give away the ending. As Scheherazade taught us, a little suspense can hold a guy's attention for a thousand and one nights. (On night 1002, let him watch basketball.)

Wear a baseball hat

Sorry to say, but guys will be more stimulated conversationally the more stimulated they are physically. And if you look darn good (a woman in a baseball hat does it for some men, for instance), then a guy's senses are going to be heightened, making him more emotionally attentive to his partner as well.

Use the right timing

Not good times to talk about something important (or even unimportant, but interesting): Calling him at work, right when he leaves for work, right when he comes home from work, when he's watching something on TV that he's been looking forward to, or anytime the kids are around (they need attention, too, especially if they happen to be throwing food or a fit at the time). The best time: When life's slowed down a bit, like on a walk or on a car ride, or when he's winding down for bed. Of course, guys know deep down that they should listen to you whenever you need them, but we're human, and distractible, too. If you can scoot their way a little bit, we're more likely hear it when you talk. Or shout. Or better still, whisper.

The other thing you can do: Give him this great article about your major guy annoyances, so that he's more aware of your triggers. And for a fascinating primer on 50 things men wish women knew, click here.

Have other ideas? Please share them with the rest of us here.

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