Invent your own exercise
Seriously, there is a such thing as yoga that hangs you from the ceiling like a sack of meat. Yoga which involves dangling. Yoga in which you climb into slings and try really hard not to fall on your head and die horribly of some kind of snapped spine complication. Anti-gravity yoga! Except that they don't actually turn off the gravity, and gravity can hurt. It's really real, anti-gravity yoga! And it is completely awesome. (Try a more grounded yoga workout with this video.)
When I was a kid, I wanted to be the person who named lipstick colors (Hot Flash of Madness; A Suffusion of Peonys). Now that I am a grown up, I want to be the person who comes up with the completely insane exercise class ideas for which people will give good money to attend and which will sweep the nation as the newest, greatest, bat ----- crazy fitness trend to come down the pike and which is so ridiculously awesome, you don't ever want to put down the glockenspiel.
Some ideas that Crunch really ought to contact me about:
Slap fighting
Barn raising
Aura flexing
Dog waltzing
Toothless old bear wrestling
Your mom
Also, try out these 3 ways to get as fit as a teenage boy!
I think we have a whole handful of winners, and my retirement fund, right here. If Crunch doesn't want them, let's start our own damn gym! What classes are we going to usher our clients into (after we make them sign a liability form)?
Related: We try out the craziness of a punk rope class?
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