Is ugly the new pretty?
On last week's episode of Ugly Betty, Amanda (whom I love, despite the fact that she is standing between me and my bff Mark St. James) gave us a rare glimpse at her vulnerability when she said, "You know, Betty, you're lucky. When someone falls in love with you it's real. I've never had that. I never know if I'm loved for who I am or because I'm so pretty." Personally, every friend I have, and every guy I've ever dated, I know they were into me for me, despite (or perhaps in spite of) the fact that my appearance certainly doesn't fit the Sex and The City ideal. The New York Times investigates the culture of beauty and society's supposed acceptance of the ugly:
"The show's willingness to challenge conventional notions of beauty has been championed by audiences and television critics," Ms. Esch wrote. "It has been pegged as part of a larger shift away from the unreal perfection of stick-thin and airbrushed models and the fashion fetishism of the 'Sex and the City' set."
"Anytime that there are images that show diversity of acceptable appearances, that's a positive thing," Ms. Esch said. "Even if Betty isn't what we could call ugly, by any objective standard." Indeed, the show's star, America Ferrara, is universally considered attractive. She makes a Cinderella transformation from a frizzy-haired character with braces and too-tight clothing into a conventional Hollywood beauty whenever she appears on a red carpet or magazine cover. For this reason, some critics have labeled the "Be Ugly" campaign as a marketing ploy, and they argue that the show has done little to increase acceptance of the homely. On the contrary, American society continues to move aggressively in the opposite direction, critics say, placing an ever-higher importance on beauty. (Source)
Do people treat you differently because of your body?
I am not pretty. I know this. I accept this (and I'm not looking for compliments to the contrary). I'd like to believe that I'm not ugly. Once, a nemesis in college had a rare, unexpected frank moment where he said to me "You're reasonably attractive," which I have taken to translate that I have hit somewhere in middle of the bell curve when it comes to attraction. Think about ugliness for a second--Yes, yes, yes, we're all beautiful in our own special way, blahety blah blah blah. I refuse to participate in inner-criticism, though, and try to view my appearance with as much of a neutral eye as possible. Certainly, I have ugly moments: if I'm not wearing makeup, the redness from my rosacea is something to behold, and I have a few weird scars on my face. But even without makeup, I may be plain or indistinguishable but I'm certainly not summoning angry villagers with torches.
There's a reason that this picture made headlines and won awards. It's the juxtaposition of the man without a face standing next to the woman who should be glowing on her wedding day but instead looks stunned, perhaps shocked. I'd like to believe that it was just a micro-expression caught at a bad moment, the photographer snapping when the couple wasn't prepared, but the image was embraced by the public for a reason. A wedding day is the embodiment of love, and how can you possibly imagine loving someone who is so disfigured? Someone who makes Sloth from The Goonies seem handsome in comparison? As a culture, it rocks us to our very core.
The headline on the New York Times piece suggests that ugly is this season's must have, but in reality, I suspect it's just wishful thinking. Sgt. Ty Ziegal is never going to be attracting girls at night clubs. Those of us who are "reasonably attractive" or even "unconventionally pretty" will never be able to rest on the merit of our outer appearance like the beautiful people can. And the Amandas of the world can tell us that we're lucky until their pretty faces turn blue, but we're never going to feel sorry for them. Not me, anyway.
Related: Loving yourself has nothing to do with size and everything to do with attitude, as these eight women discovered.
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