The humbler side of healthy living

Healthy living is the goal, right? I really do try to live a fairly healthy lifestyle. I eat a lot of plants, a lot of them, really, don't sit too close. I exercise, I drink water, I take pictures of all of my food and post it to the interweb, I feel closer to fiber than I have ever felt to any of my boyfriends (Michael Pollan would be proud). And for the most part, healthy living has been good to me: I have energy, I have collarbones, I have padded bras...oh wait, that's right, my boobs disappeared. There are a few other not-so-hot side-effects to this thing called health. Needless to say, I am anything but glamorous:

  • I'm like a geyser. I drink oodles and oodles of water, just like I'm s'posed to. The result of this is many trips to the bathroom. Unfortunately my office latrine is located right next to the HR department. I've truly become paranoid that they think I have raging coke problem based on the number of potty breaks I take.
  • Increased pottying = increased hand washing. So the skin on my face looks fabu from all that water, but my hands--they're not feeling the love. All those bathroom breaks mean I wash my hands upward of 15-20 times a day. Needless to say, I'm keeping the office Avon lady swimming in lotion orders. (Are you also suffering from dry skin? Defend your skin with these simple strategies for feeling soft from head to toe.)
  • Nothing to quench those cravings. There are times (when I'm drunk) that I just want to settle in (lying on the floor of my kitchen) and have a not-so-healthy snack (an entire bag of Cheetos washed down with a chocolate milkshake with those minty Girl Scout Cookies crumbled in). But I don't buy junk food anymore; my rule is that if I want it, I have to go get it, which isn't always possible (like when I stumble home three minutes before dawn). Cucumber slices do not good drunk food make, FYI. (But lucky for you, here are some healthy food substitutions that really do scratch that itch.)
  • I look like a bag lady. I'm not made of money! Although I don't seem to be losing any more weight, my clothes continue to not fit quite right. This may be due to toning or my complete inability to dress myself properly. There are certain sizes that I'm just afraid to buy--uhh, a six is pretty small by my book and what if it's fleeting, you know? Might as well just sport saggy bottomed jeans in hopes that refugee chic makes it to future runways. I've discovered, however, that skirts are good weight-loss clothes because they just slide a little further down the hip and still fit through a variety of sizes.
I'm not really complaining (well, maybe a little), but the benefits of this health stuff do outweigh the detriments. So I'm a chappy, baggy, peeing-all-the-time, starving-when-drunk girl; things could be worse. If you would like to vent your woes, please, we are here for you. Vent away.