The Kardashian Christmas Card: Everything That Is Wrong

Click to enlarge (Photo: David LaChappelle/E! Online)Click to enlarge (Photo: David LaChappelle/E! Online)

On Sunday night’s “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” Christmas special, the family sat around reminiscing about their pre-fame days and unveiled their much-anticipated annual Christmas card. Shot by edgy celeb photographer David LaChapelle, the family posed in all-black ensembles amid glitzy carnival ruins. And while it’s an upgrade from 2012’s all-white motif and 2011’s bizarre “3-D theme,” their latest card is undoubtedly their wackiest. Let us count the ways. 

Half the family is missing: Where is Kanye? Baby North West? Also notably absent are Lord Disick, Lamar, and Rob. Apparently, it was LaChapelle’s idea to leave out the male family members and highlight “the matriarchs” but when Bruce Jenner (reasonably) objected, saying, “I think that’s a terrible decision. It’s your mom’s and my Christmas card!” Kris relented, allowing him to pose trapped in a glass cage labeled “Cashier.” Gee, thanks. 

The obvious Illuminati reference: In case you had any doubt as to whether the Kardashians are members of the so-called secret celebrity cult, they have cleared up all confusion. (Note Kendall Jenner posing in front of an eye enclosed by a triangle, an Illuminati symbol dubbed "The Eye of Providence.")

Kris Jenner: Ironically, she’s posing under a sign that reads “Fame” and “Money" wearing some sort of glittery headpiece.

Kim Kardashian’s post-baby body is center stage: The most famous Kardashian appears larger than life posed on a staircase, showcasing aggressive cleavage, an hourglass figure, and lots of leg, next to a large dollar sign.

All the weird symbolism:
Does the golden Academy Award-type statue lying on the floor signify the family’s failed attempt at legit fame? Are the women standing atop piles of tabloids saying, “Screw you!” to the beast that feeds their fame machine? It's all so deep!