Your Three Biggest Stressors, Solved

Self Magazine

"Constantly stressed out" is how two thirds of you described yourselves in our survey.We take your three main hang-ups and have experts walk you through finding the best solutions.
by Valerie Frankel with additional reporting by Amanda Woerner



Deborah Jaffe
Deborah Jaffe

#1 WORRY: Your Cash
"I'm afraid that I'm going to be broke forever. After my car payment, grad school tuition, rent and groceries, I barely have anything left over to put into savings." --Rebecca, 25, North Carolina

Take action: First, know that this is temporary--your salary will likely go up. But the only way to reduce your money anxiety now is to be in control of your finances, says Manisha Thakor, founder and CEO of MoneyZen Wealth Management in Santa Fe. Step one is to make a budget. "About 50 percent of your paycheck should go to needs, like rent, and 30 percent to wants, like dinners out," Thakor says. The last 20 percent is key: That's what you should put away. If you want to have money, you gotta start saving now. "Living paycheck to paycheck is scary," says Thakor. "Savings give you a cushion." So feel fab about whatever you can stash, even if it's only $20 a month.

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#2 WORRY: Your Job
"I have a good job--I just don't love the field I'm in. I fear that if I don't make a move soon, I'll be unhappy at work forever, but I'm scared to give up my steady paycheck." --Erin, 24, Chicago

Take action: It's normal when you're starting out to think you're stuck for life in the career you've chosen, but that's not true, Dr. Birndorf says. "You can always change jobs, but first, ask yourself: Do you really not like the industry you're in, or are you just in a crappy low-level position?" If it's the former, make a six-month plan to score a happier gig--research careers, network. This buys you time to make a smart move but also relieves stress, because you're actively seeking what's next. If it's the latter, the answer may be to stick it out, because things will get better. And remember, work is only work: You can do what you love--volunteer, travel--on your own time.

See more:The 8 Things That Are Making You Break Out

#3 WORRY: Your Guy "I always fall for guys who don't want to get serious, guys I can tell won't be good to me. I'm panicked that if I can't break this pattern, I'll never have a healthy, lasting relationship." --Katherine, 26, New York City

Take action: Let yourself off the hook a little bit--there's no deadline to find Mr. Right. Besides, dating the wrong guys has some benefits--experience, fun, great stories to share with your friends over beers. To break the pattern, though, you need to hash out what's driving it, says Rachel Sussman, a therapist in New York City. Is it the thrill of being with a "bad boy"? Or maybe you're not ready to settle down yet, so you go for dudes you know aren't marriage material. Once you are ready and you understand what you don't want (guys who do x, y and z), it will be easier to find what you do want--and deserve: a smart, fun guy who treats you well.

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