User Post: How To Help Someone With Cancer -- 9 Things You Can Do

by Tina Case, Parent Grapevine

When my husband was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer earlier this year, I realized that relatives and friends didn't always know what to say or how to help. While we did have many wonderful friends and relatives who stepped right up and were incredibly amazing in our time of need, a handful of friends never reached out nor acknowledged what we were going through.

One friend, who we thought was particularly close, never called and even cancelled a prescheduled visit to see us. This really surprised us. And when another friend learned of my husband's situation he asked a few questions but quickly shifted the focus from my husband's condition to his own injury to state that he could completely identify with what we were going through because he just had torn knee replacement. While knee replacement can be a major operation, what we appreciated was his attempt to relate and acknowledge my husband's illness, albeit a bit clumsily.

Whether you are a close friend, a relative or an acquaintance, reaching out to a loved one during a difficult illness has amazing healing powers. Here are a few things you can do to relate, calm and help someone you love who has just been diagnosed with a terrible illness:

  1. Really listen to how they are: If their illness is public knowledge (for instance, a colleague who is back at work during remission or between treatments), take the time to learn how they are coping when you have time to really listen. Don't do this during a meeting with a lot of other colleagues, do it one-on-one. Go to lunch together or get a cup of coffee. Be there, in the moment, to listen more than talk and show your support

  2. Bring a meal: After a major chemo treatment or operation, ask your friend if you can bring a meal. After my husband's operation we had an amazing network of friends who pulled together a dinner tree and brought dinners to us during the most difficult two weeks after the operation. The meals were not only for my husband but for our whole family. My three daughters were amazed with the outpouring of love from our friends. They saw firsthand how to help others in a time of need.

  3. Babysit: If your friend has small children, offer to babysit for a few hours. Your friend may need to rest during the day to regain their pre-cancer energy level and a babysitter may be just the gift they need to get a nap in or check off a few to-do items on their list without the children around.

  4. Read to them: If their illness leaves them debilitated, offer to visit them at home or in the hospital and read a good book or even the newspaper to them. Having a friend visit and just being there makes a world of difference to someone going through a major illness. Studies have shown that a strong friendship plays an important role in someone's ability to heal faster.

  5. Write a note of encouragement: Just before my husband went in for his prostatectomy, we received a warm note from a fellow cancer patient. His words of encouragement and his positive tone really meant a great deal to my husband.

  6. Call or Skype your friend: These days we don't always live close to our best friends, but we can telephone or Skype them. My husband thoroughly appreciated the phone calls from long-distant friends and relatives. By calling to acknowledge my husband's condition, they showed how much they cared about his situation and outcome.

  7. Share great memories: This might be a delicate thing to do, but sharing wonderful memories with your friend puts things into perspective and the fun, happy times bring a good, warm feeling to any patient. My husband had a huge birthday celebration right around the time of his diagnosis. Several friends came from out of town to see him and the recollection of past experiences had them howling with tears of joy which is so good for the soul. One friend brought an album full of photos that brought smiles at the recollection of good times.

  8. Bring a basket of magazines and novels: A fellow cancer surv

    ivor brought a basket full of magazines, novels and a healthy living cookbook. Her perspective on beating cancer gave us great insight and her positive attitude was inspiring. The basket of stuff she brought was aimed at taking our mind off the hospital visits and just clearing our heads from all the other "stuff" in our lives.

  9. Welcome them home: Many cancer patients spend a great deal of time at the hospital. My children completely decorated our bedroom, welcoming their father after his major operation. My husband does not want to take it down, it reminds him of his kids and how much they love him.

Ultimately, just be there for your friend. If they know they can call upon you to help during their difficult situation, it takes a huge weight off their shoulders to know someone truly cares. I welcome hearing other ways to help a loved one through a major illness, leave your comment with more thoughtful suggestions.

Tina co-writes for Parent Grapevine, a blog about the daily trials and tribulations of parenting. She also co-writes for Moms Who Click, a photography & friendship blog.