User Post: Why Are Perfectionists Unhappy?

Linda Peterman, Licensed Mental Health Counselor


I will not argue the fact that perfectionists can be widely successful. However, I also know the hidden, inside secret turmoil that many perfectionists go through on a daily basis that causes them anxiety, stress, discomfort and problems with their relationships.



Here are some of the common traits of perfectionists that will lead to problems:

  • All or nothing thinking or everything is either black or white, right or wrong

  • Unrealistic Goals

  • Expectations (for self and others) are unreasonable or unrealistic

  • Magnify the importance of small errors

  • Catastrophizing

  • Focus on the negative

  • Thinking in absolutes: shoulds, musts, oughts

  • Believing achievement and accomplishments measure one's worth

  • Impatience

  • Easily frustrated

  • Thinks "my way is the right way"


What do you do to change these perfectionistic thoughts? Here are some solutions:


  • Find the good in situations or people

  • Make realistic goals

  • Have reasonable expectations

  • Forgive yourself (and others) for mistakes

  • Focus on the positive

  • Be realistic in your thinking--don't think of the worst case scenario

  • Be flexible and be willing to live in the "grey" area

  • Take time to find pleasure and fun in life

  • Let the small stuff go

  • Be patient

~

In being patient, you begin to trust the process of life and trust others. If you learn to let go and wait for a resolution, you may be pleasantly surprised that things turn out for the best. As a result, you will be less stressed and able to enjoy your life more fully. Perfectionists are all about control. They are constantly avoiding mistakes and trying to assure that everything comes out perfectly. However, the truth is that most problems will work themselves out or you will find a solution to them if faced with one. You can also adjust your attitude so you convince yourself that you can cope with anything. This means trusting in yourself also.

So, resolve to enjoy each day, each moment, each experience and in turn each relationship. You have the option of enjoying the process of living, not just focusing on the outcome. The outcome of each day or situation is many times out of your control. Perfectionism is an illusion and a damaging one.


Linda Peterman is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Tampa, Florida. I specialize in couples counseling, relationships, communication, domestic violence and other issues pertinent to mental health and happiness. http://www.counselingtampa.com/contactus.html



Follow her SHINE blog at http://shine.yahoo.com/blog/KXY2HTFBA7KPUPKRG4PJ7ACULY/