Can Someone Tell Mis Papás that We Live in the U.S. Of A.?

La Vida as we know it

I'm sure it has happened to you. You're living your life, speaking English, having English-speaking friends, liking American music, food…but then, you get home. Everyone speaks Spanish, the novelas are on full blast, and as you go by the kitchen, there's an overwhelming smell of something cooking. Pozole, again? Ugh! Dating is a whole other story. My sister Lisandra had to be chaperoned at age 17 when going out with any suitors. Needless to say, her date never called her back.

iStockphoto
iStockphoto

But, it's all par for the course when growing up Latino in the good U.S. of A. for many of us, especially during the tougher teenage years. Not only do you have to deal with parents that don't fully understand the language, but they may not get the culture either and consider it sinfully desastrosa.

And what about our parents? They come to this country to find a better future for their children, but discover that as they grow, they want to look and behave less like their elders and more like the American kids around them.

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We may not be able to ever fully bridge the culture and age gap with our parents and grandparents, and quite honestly, who wants to? We can have the best of both worlds, compromising and always finding humor in the differences. Here are some helpful tips that my family was been able to figure out as we've gone through this thing called life:

PARENTS
• DO continue to keep the culture alive at home in those areas both children and grownups can enjoy: food, holidays, family celebrations. Make sure the kids, especially mobile teenagers, know what your expectations are ("We'll be at your Titi's house for Nochebuena at 8, and I expect you to be there to celebrate with your family").

• DO compromise on what your teens' individual preferences are. If they want to go out trick-or-treating with their friends, but wouldn't be caught dead celebrating Día de los Muertos, let it be. Choose your battles, and fight the ones that will be worth fighting in the long run.

• DO bring their favorite American foods to the table along with more traditional dishes. Our Christmas and Thanksgiving tables always had macaroni and cheese and green bean casserole along with arroz con gandules and pernil de cerdo, which became the menu at my niece's very southern wedding last fall.

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• DON'T worry if your kids constantly fight you over keeping culture, traditions or language at home. When they grow up, it will all become nostalgia to them. That whiff from someone else's kitchen that reminds them of your cooking, or that old song their Dad used to play on the radio. It will all be home to them no matter where or how they end up living.

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TEENS
• DO learn to compromise. Don't throw all family traditions out the window. Always try things first, then decide what your preferences are; let your parents know in a loving and respectful manner.

• DO find out what your parents' deal-breakers are, and stay away from them. That will garner you some leverage when you tell your Mom you won't have a piñata for your Quinces.

• DO enjoy all that makes you a unique Latina or Latino in the US. By being bilingual and bicultural, you can understand what is like to live on both sides of the cultural lines. Not only does growing up in a Hispanic home provide you with tremendous language assets in the world, it should also fill you with empathy towards those who are new to this country.

And like my abuela used to say, ¡Eso es así!

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