10 Things Men Love to Hear in Bed
To get the no-holds-barred truth, we crashed a few guy gatherings taking place over beers at local bars. After some initial shyness--and us swearing we wouldn't reveal their full names--they opened up. By Anna Davies, REDBOOK.
"Touch me right there."
After years together, you and he are familiar with each other's anatomy, but a little verbal reminder of what pushes you over the edge is helpful from time to time. "Exploring new touches and sensations can make sex seem like an exciting discovery the two of you are making together," says Vanessa Marin, a San Francisco-based sex and relationship therapist, of why Kevin, 38, loves hearing these words.
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"@#$%"
"My fiancée doesn't normally swear, but when she lets go in bed, it's such a turn-on," says Luke, 32. Shy? Dirty talk doesn't need to be dirty. Simply narrating the action by noting where his hand--or something else--is and how good it feels is plenty, explains Emily Morse, a sex expert and host of the podcast Sex With Emily. "This helps keeps you both in the moment."
"I want to watch."
"Being able to actually see each other, instead of fumbling around in the dark, is awesome," says Avery, 33. Self-conscious? Focus on how things feel--or how his eyes light up as you show everything off.
"So, I had this dream last night…"
"Whenever my girlfriend says this, I know whatever's coming next is going to be interesting, to say the least," says Aaron, 28. If you have a fantasy you've always wanted to try, setting it up as a dream can help minimize any shyness about discussing it, says Morse. Fantasies don't need to be turned into reality to be hugely hot, and getting used to talking about what gets you off--even if it's never going to happen in real life, such as you and he stranded on a desert island--can do wonders for your sex life.
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"I give you permission to wake me up if you get horny."
"We have a toddler, so we're always interrupted when we try to get busy," says Derek, 29. "Having sex on the table as a potential option during the night, even if we don't actually do it, reminds us that our sex life is important." Setting an early alarm for a sex date can also work, especially if you and he are both beat or likely to be disrupted when you head to bed.
"I want you in my mouth."
"I love when my wife wants to give me a blow job," says Jeff, 41. "She knows I love them, but I never want her to do them just for me. When she says she wants to, it makes me feel like I can really let go." Focusing on how happy your guy gets makes a blow job feel less like, well, a job, and can also enhance your pleasure. "Conveying enthusiasm is a huge turn-on, and the more turned on he gets, the more confident and masterful you'll feel," say Mark Michaels and Patricia Knight, sex educators and authors of Partners in Passion.
"All during my meeting today, I was thinking about doing this."
"My fiancée is the boss-lady at work, so knowing that she's in this powerful position and she lets her mind wander back to me is a huge compliment," says Don, 40. A few dirty daydreams can absolutely make your workday more exciting--and letting your guy in on them will seriously get him going. Thinking about how it feels when he kisses you or slips his fingers underneath your bra strap can help switch your brain from feeling exhausted to feeling excited.
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"I love the way you smell."
"I know this could sound gross, but hear me out," says Andy, 32. "When my wife says she likes the way I smell, even when I'm drenched in sweat, I feel really manly. I also feel like it's hot--scent is so intimate, especially when you're naked." Sex is all about senses, and letting your husband know the ways he gets you going will help put you both in the mood. He also may not realize how much his scent turns you on, and clueing him in is a good reminder of the animal magnetism you have for each other, says Morse.
"Yup, that was perfect."
"My wife doesn't make a lot of noise in bed, so it's sometimes still hard for me to tell whether or not she's climaxed," says Miguel, 29. If he just rocked your world, only good can come from letting him know!
"This is my happy place."
"My girlfriend says this when she's on top of me," explains Chris, 27. "The combination of dirty and sweet is irresistible. I feel the same way--I love being so incredibly close to her." A major benefit of being married or in a long-term relationship is being able to say whatever--from the sappy to the XXX--in bed. So spill already!
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